men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

I don't believe ANY WIFE who withdraws sex truly believes that simply because she is now sexless so is he. She knew what she was doing when she had that chat with Jake!

Think I'd rather be naive than leap to that conclusion.

So why can't he tell her then Retro?

If she already knows?

Maybe she discovered she wasn't interested in sex after they got married.

Because he's not yet ready to blow his family up. That's why.

Retromom it's quite clear you see absolutely nothing wrong with what this man has done. You see no problem with him lying, cheating or using prostitutes. You are blaming her 100% for his behaviour when the only person who controls his behaviour is himself. You are blaming her when she has been honest with him. You seem to see refusing to have sex as either equal to or worse than lying, cheating and using prostitutes.

There is absolutely no point in discussing it further or engaging with you any further.

I've read very sad threads where husbands have withdrawn (no pun intended) from a sexual relationship.

The women are generally advised that if their partner refuses to seek help then they should look towards a new, more fulfilling relationship.

They're generally not advised to find a male prostitute.

Final post on this thread.

I have rarely seen such a bunch of handmaidens on MN as on this thread.

The Patriarchy is strong in this one.

But why would the family be blown up if she already knows he's having sex with prostitutes? or getting sex from an affair or ONS?

burrito i totally agre he should tell her...this woman needs a serious reality check....

and that is not being detrimental to all the women or men out there who suddenly lose sex drives due to medical/ tiredness/ exhaustion etc

there are 101 different reasons why we all have times of being rampant then celibate....

imo this has been deliberate from the wife, from the very beginning....

I'm not saying it's right but I recon she knows and turns a blind eye coz she likes here little life the way it is.

You're right. I don't see anything wrong with Jake looking for sex somewhere else. I understand why he chose to go with a "woman of negotiable affections" rather than to have an affair. I understand that he doesn't want to blow up the home and life style he has created for his children.

I also believe neither Jake nor his wife are being completely honest with each other.

likeatonneofbricks speaks most sense here

Jake, apologies if I have missed it but what do you think your wife would say if you told here what you are doing behind her back? In fact how does she think you manage to overcome your unfulfilled needs?

The moral issue here that was being asked about I think is more about the deceit than the buying of prostitutes - which is a polarising topic for sure.

You can not reasonably think having had all this advice that you can carry on deceiving your wife surely. It is time to come clean; the likely outcome is that your family will split and you will have to both deal with that. Unfortunately your behaviour over the last few years will surely cost you but you can't go backwards.

And for those that say 'she gave him a choice', as mentioned before it is not as black and white as that. Recently married, full of hope, after being told something like that, noone would say 'Oh ok then, thanks and bye'.

shirley i posted pages bk about the same thing..my dh has with held sex i think due to medical reasons which he refuses to sort out...if 5 yrs down the line...the situation is the same...i will be looking at getting a nice tanned, fit hunk as i dont believe in batteries
.as i stated then as i will now...that i would rather visit a male escort than engage in an emotional , sexual affair.....

That's terribly sad for you doormat. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is resistent to getting it sorted out.

Have you had open and frank coversations about it and have you told him that you will be seeking a sexual relationship elsewhere?

I am also very confused as to why you wouldn't want to have a fully rounded and respectful relationship with someone - what's the point in anything else?

Men who pay for sex view women's bodies as commodities to be bought and sold. By this very act women are dehumanised. The results of this culture can be seen all around you were women are reduced to nothing more than the sum of their body parts.

An object can be taken. Causing damage to an object is less distressing to the human mind than causing damage to a person. You only have to look at the (invokes Godwin's law here) methods the Nazis used on the Jews to see this in action.

This is where the basis of the men who buy women = rapist argument comes from.

yes shirley i have told him....he just digs his heels in even furthur...why do i stay...because i actually love him

Slugs with that view you are not taking into account the men who actually love and appreciate women. Not all men who use prostitutes are woman haters who want to control and abuse. I'm not sure why you need to believe that they are.

As an example. What of the single man who does not want/have time for a relationship but loves sex and loves woman, both their company and their bodies, and they're randy as hell. Both woman and man. Imagine she is one of those girls who went from getting pissed and then getting laid by a stranger to just getting paid and laid instead. What's wrong with that agreement/arrangement? And how could that possibly be rape?

Well, if you have told him that you are going to have sex with someone else and he is fine with that then that's ok - although I would strongly counsel you against having sex with male prostitutes.

The point is that you have informed him - something the OP has failed to do for his wife.

I'm sorry that you're in love with someone who refuses to address a problem which is so important to you. I'm pretty sure such a lack of care towards me would make me unhappy and "out of love" with him, but's that's just me.

Comrade I am not a handmaiden. I am married to a man who withholds sex. I HAVE insisted on counselling, I have fantasised about getting a big rampant substitute cock sensitive lover but unfortunately my pesky morals stop me & I am sorting it out or will end the relationship. I sympathise with OP. BUT he needs to be honest now I think although he must be terrified of breaking up the family. His DW is not being fair.

For every "happy hooker" (Oh, and by the way, if a woman is pissed and cannot consent then that's rape as well - why you insist on bringing uyp all these pissed up women having sex is beyond me, it actually damages your argument!) there are at least 10 more who are forced into prostitution through circumstances.

Who knows which you're getting when you're paying. And judging by this thread who cares?

Oh come on Shirley, you only have to go down your local on a Friday night to see the girls who go out for that very reason. To get drunk and pull men. It's not nice but pointless in turning a blind eye and pretending it doesn't happen.

why you insist on bringing uyp all these pissed up women having sex is beyond me

Which is why I bring it up. Life is not black and white.

I note the sidestep of my more important point.

What has the fact that people (not just women, the men are there doing it as well or it wouldn't work) go out and pull one another and have sex got to do with the use of prostitutes?

PS: And the men going out to get pissed and laid who go home with these girls are not raping them either. They're on the same page!

You've ignored the whole bit I wrote about it, so maybe scroll back and read it again.