men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

I'm not saying Jake is right. I'm saying you woman are wrong to be beating him with your big stick and to be ignoring the fact that his wife has wronged him. How many of you have come on here not to help Jake but to shake your finger at him?

likea I missed that the OP had spoken his wife to try and sort it. So he then needs to be honest about how he can't live like that and they find a solution - either the marriage ends, they have an open relationship, etc

How does "He broke a happy home because he couldn't keep it in his pants" sound to you ladies? Because you can bet your bottom dollar that would have been the view had Jake walked out on his marriage when his wife decided to live as brother and sister.

the wife DID give him the reason - i.e. her Catholic views that sex is dirty full stop. You call this normal in a marriage?

Eats I suggested the same to the OP - that he either tells her he will have to leave, or asks if open marriage is fine by her (which might be, for all we know!). He's come here for advice, so he's presumable going to do something now. I ;m not sure whether he seriously talked to her, but he made many attaempts since she told him this to try and resume sex, and been 'rejected one time too many' so of course she knows he's not happy.

He had the choice to walk out. He didn't because he wanted to have his cake and eat it.

From your POV RetroMom she was also pro cake, pro eating.

They should have had a chat about the fact that she refused sex and he needed it. Either the marriage should end or it should be open.

I'm not giving him a cookie for keeping his marriage together by lying and cheating.

presumably

I've already mentioned, my DP was in a long celibate marriage. Divorced when his kids went to uni. He waited till then because he didn't want to blow his family up. He felt obliged to be in that sexless marriage for the sake of the kids. But I see that post of mine was ignored long back. Everyone just wanted to shout at Jake.

Actually the wife didn't give him a reason, if you re-read his posts he assumes it has to do with religion.
If he really wants to sort out his marriage he needs to talk to a sex therapist, not visit prostitutes on the side.

Comrade - but he IS trying to resolve it on here, why are you judging him when he's looking for the right solutions? yes, he went the wrong way, and was brave to admit it on here, but peopl;e aer not saints are they - it's whether he will put it right soon that matters. The pigs aer those who do bad things and are smug about it.

As is stated in his first post, the OP's wife told him her views on sex shortly after their marriage, well before they started trying for children. The OP chose to continue in the relationship knowing that they were not comparable sexually, and to bring a child into a relationship that he knew was not an honest one. No-one would have blamed him at all if he had walked away from that relationship before their DC came along, but I see no justification in him choosing to cheat on his DW after he had committed to raising a family with her.

Exactly. She was straight with him and he chose to stay with her.

He stayed with her because he has built a home and a family which is not easy to walk away from. Are some of you intentionally not recognising that much?

most of you need to realise that you have missed out a word that jake has used often and that is the word "love"....he loves her, he wants to sort things out, he has tried, he is trying....

i dont see hardly any compassion on here for him..only from a few posters...the rest of you are no better than calling him a fecking rapist..
ffs why

because he loves his loves, because his wife wants to live like brother and sister, because he visits prostitutes/escorts et al rather than engage in an emotional, sexual affair or leave his wife...

some of you really need to get a grip

Retro - I agree again, some women do entrap men, it's nothing to do with having a snip, it's the deceipt (they don't announce it in advance, do they, that they will get pregnant and then stop sleeping with him as they want to be like brother/sister). Then the man is torn as he still loves her, and the kids. It wouldn't last though, your DP did leave Retro, hopefully he still sees the children. Some men aer not confident though in finding a new partner.

because he loves his wife soz

I'm curious as to why the OP thinks it is more 'honourable' (or something) to pay for something he is not getting at home, rather than find another woman who wants to have sex with him? Why would that be any worse - just curious really.

From my perspective, I could understand my partner having an affair or even a one night stand (not saying I would necessarily forgive it, but I could understand it) whereas if I found out he was paying for sex - I don't think I could ever really understand that. (Unless, possibly, he was spending 2 years living in Alaska in a community with no available women and was just so bored of w).

The other aspect of this, is - what should people do who are in long term relationships where one or other of the partners no longer wants to have sex? This seems to be a very common problem, if these boards are anything to go by. Is it reasonable for one of the partners to withdraw from any sexual contact, but expect their partner to become celibate?

What Thistledew said.

Likeatooneofbricks - if he came on here and said, "I feel like shit, I've massively fucked up, I knew I shouldn't have cheated on my wife, I should have addressed it. What can I do now to save my marriage/end it (delete as appropriate)" then I would think more of him

Instead he argued that prostitutes aren't that bad, only seems to be listening to those who have given him encouragement and praise and says he is giving reasons why men use prostitutes.

He is taking no responsibility and honestly it doesn't actually sound like is trying to resolve this.

Good nn doormat.

Thistle, ok it was before trying for a baby, I've reread now, but still they got married already and he was in love, he probably was hoping her view will change (as it's such a strange view) - but if she was honest she'd say this to him BEFORE agreeing to marry him.

FFS this is ridiculous.

Is it really better to cheat than leave a marriage that is unfulfilling?

NO one would give him a minute of grief for saying they got a divorce because she wanted to live as brother and sister. Rightly, he will be torn apart for getting a divorce because he used prostituted women.

Totally agree with last few posters that there are people who get married who want the husband/wife/kids/picket fence and all the other things that go with marriage but don't necessarily want (once the procreation bit is done) to have a romantic/sexual relationship with their spouse.

Heck, it used happen all the time - in Victorian times women were not 'supposed' to enjoy sex so it was all about 'lie back and think of England - and in fact if you are a devout Catholic are you not supposed to only have sex for procreation?

Comrade but he is not boasting, he got defensive only after insults (esp of being a rapist) were thrown at him. In his original post he does sound unhappy and looking fo different solutions ('stuck' as he puts it, as he still loves the wife but doesn't want sexless life).

Comrade, it's not easy to leave if he still loves her, is it - especially when they just got married and he was freshly in love? most people would try to influence their partner before giving up and leaving, he is still hoping that he can resume sex with the wife by asking for advice.

I didn't say he was boasting, bricks.