men who got to prostitutes

[jake42]

Hello .
ive been reading all the threads on here about guys who visit escorts/ prostitutes/ whores etc , and i know im probably going to be called all sorts of names as its mainly a womans site, but i thought id write and tell my tale.

42 year old male , married for some 15 years, adore my wife and child and my family life . i want to get old with her .
just after our marriage one evening after sex ,whilst cuddling in bed , she says ive been thinking, we dont have to do sex, we love each other , lets live together like a brother and sister ! WTF im thinking, whats bought this on, nothing i could say or do would change her mind, we had sex very infrequently after , mainly to try for a baby. once said baby was born , she obviously was tired most of the time and eventually moved into the spare room blaming tiredness and my snoring (i do snore, but not that bad) . that was around 10 years ago and is still there now. We may of had sex 6 or 7 times since, im never allowed the pleasure of oral sex either way ,sex is always at my request, but always with the feeling that she just wants me to come and finish.
i adore her and cant imagine life without her, but the thought of no sex or hardly any doesnt appeal to me at all.
so after being knocked back one time too many i visited a site where Escort girls advertised and agreed to meet one .
i have been discreetly seeing different ones for around 5 years, always take every precaution and making sure my wife does not catch anything.
im basically between a rock and a hard place, i need to have sex , my wife doesnt, we love each other , i dont want to leave her , she , i assume doesnt want us to split up . but i cant imagine life for another 30 yrs with out sexual contact. i kind of figure that paying for it off a prostitute is better than having an affair, which as i love my wife would be out of the question.
i would be glad if anyone out there could perhaps in someway give me some advice . oh and im not a woman hater , i adore female company more than male .

Bricks, thankfully someone gets it. Houseofplain is living in her own regimental world. I wish there was a block member button on here, as I'm sure she does too. Just because some choose to ignore the grey does not mean life is black and white.

I met some of the girls who use to get pissed down the pub and then get laid, some of them became working girls, realising they'd rather get laid and paid!

...just a bit fed up with being labeled a monster thats all.

And you haven't even started to deal with this in RL yet!

It is only a coward or a cunt who cheats on his wife instead of giving her the choice between divorce/separation OR having an open marriage.

Which are you?

His wife gave him no choice when she withdrew all sex. Not even divorce or seperation or the choice of getting it somewhere else. She just assumed he'd be celibate and faithful. What name you gonna call her?

Retro, I'd call her justified!

jake, I didn't label you, my attitude to men using prostitues rests on whether they are happy about it or not, and I sense that you aer not. I think it's bad anyway, but there are degrees of badness, and you aer thinking of stopping and haven't done it for long. I also think your wife tricking you into sexless marriage is very bad. People can be pushed into situations that are bad/something not to be proud of, but then it all depends whether they are trying to get out of it. Same applies to girls in the trade imo (well, drug addicts aside as they are not in control). If she is not even considering to get out as soon as possible(and hasn't been forced) then sorry she's just greedy and totally money-orientated. I mean on This Morning yesterday there was a happy hooker and her DP pimp (who says it's just her job, it's just sex) from the US, she's mature and nice enough and very settled in her (legitimised) brothel - I don't think anyone could explain it to her that she should try another way of making money - but all she could say is 'I could make X in 5 yrs - more than pepole make in 20 yrs of normal work' and that she's happy - the thing is some women (and men) are completely money motivated and lacking any sensitivity, though they still make a sad picture. It's wrong and whatever people who provide/use it say, makes for sad viewing. I find it especially wrong in the presence of all the casual sex dating sites that aer now available - it's not the Victorian times when men were literally stuck if the wife refused sex (or when women couldn't have sex before marriage).

Of course she gave him a choice. She said I want us to be celibate now i.e. she was open and honest. And he could then choose to be open and honest back i.e. thats fine, or thats not fine and either we sort it through discussion/outside help or our marriage is over

That's very telling HypercriticalOaf and really doesn't surprise me either. So typical.

None at all.

When she said, "this is now what I want from our relationship" it was his responsibility to then say "look, I'm just not happy with that. I need sex. Either from you or someone else or this marriage just isn't going to work for me. What would you be happiest with?"

If he said nothing, or especially if he agreed, then she is correct in assuming he is fine with it. Which makes his betrayal worse.

No one is owed sex. There is nothing in the marriage vows that promises sex or blow jobs. It's not her job to give him pleasure or else he has carte blanche to seek it else where.

It's entrapment. So many woman have done it. Having babies and then expecting the men to take them on as their responsibility and marrying them, or marrying their men, having the babies, then shutting shop on him but still expecting him to do the right thing and stick around to support HIS family. Oh Please! We've all seen it happen.

Oh and I didn't call him a name. I did not say he was a cunt or a coward. I said that certain behaviour is the behaviour of cunts of cowards.

Couldn't really give a fuck what he thinks of me tbh.

As for the "No one is owed sex" Well, if those marriage vows are sacred then actually part of that vow is to foresake all others, and if you read Corinthians you will see that actually the man is owed sex in marriage. It is the wife;s DUTY. Go read it.

If a man doesn't want to have babies he can have the snip.

It's bullshit to say women entrap men. They don't. Men have sex with the knowledge that contraception fails. If they don't want to become fathers then they don't have to. They can have a little snip and prevent themselves ever becoming "entrapped."

Retromum I honestly can't figure out if you are just having a laugh and enjoying winding people up, or if these are really your views - because they are pretty extreme.

If a woman came on here and said her husband had said lets be celibate, posters wouldn't be saying well go and find a prostitute then. They would be saying you need to find out why and see if it can be sored and if not you need to consider whether you stay in the marriage or not.

Or just pick and chose those vows according to you.

They would be screaming "leave the bastard"

Retro, it's not only one poster who has the 'black and white' attitude and pursed lips - I had the same spat with another one in the beginning of thread. I can see why they aer militant about prostitution, I hate it too especially as the girls don;t realise the damage tey aer causing themselves for hte future even if they 'dabble by choice', but it's not black and white as to punters and the girls themselves, there are shades. I also though hate when the wife just lays down the law and is stupid or completely inconsiderate to see that she's pushing the man to have sex elsewhere (whether paid or not) and then she turns around and calls him a monster. It's this whole 'women are blameless' that I object to on this thread. Some are greedy and don't give a f' about morals/men, some are stupid, some aer cruel to their husbands. Men can be victims too believe it or not, not only women.

I agree retromum , I feel guilty that I do agree as I see myself as part of the 'sisterhood' and this feels like an incongruous view to hold but I am in the situation of having the man not be bothered one way or the other and it sucks

Yes you are having a laugh aren't you?

And I assume then you do not wear clothes with mixed fibres for example?

You lot live in an IDEAL world, don't you?

So two wrongs make a right? Because she won't have sex with him that gives him the right to sex with others because they've BOTH broken their vows?

Even more of a reason to have a divorce instead of a sham of a marriage then.

EatsBrains, dont forget to leave the thread if you need to

Eats, OP did say to the wife that it was NOT fine, sexless marriage - he tried to change this and she knew about his efforts towards her, didn't she.

likea of course men can be victims too. But we all have a choice in our marriages/relationships if the other person is open and honest. If my partner suddenly wanted to be celibate, I would see why and if it could be sorted. If not I would leave. It doesn't justify me going to prostitutes secretly.

If theOP had said well I can't stay in a celibate marriage either the relationship is over or we stay together and I go to prostitutes, both parties have a choice and are being open and honest