to think dh should not have called me this on my birthday

[seenitallbefore2012]

"actually you are an ungrateful foul cow...."

because I said I didn't want chocolates.. yes I know that sounds awful but last week I had a very high cholesterol check and am panicking... I asked him not to get me chocolates this year for that reason... and apparently that is the [only] thing he got and I said I couldn't understand why he did as I was off anything like that.

no AnyFucker that sounds wrong ... i mean that i felt it helped and didnt want to come off them well was advised against it anyways as i would always break down in the appointments and make a show of meself.

how long has it been like this ?

and I mean when did it start, not how long has it been quite this bad

Anytucker a "credible psychiatrist" told my highly anxious sister that she was probably a pathological liar with a personality disorder because she told us she was going to see a friend but didn't say it was a boy. Due to her anxiety and low self esteem she drunk it all in and spiralled. This woman had seen her for 30 minutes and just filled in a "psych 101" quiz. They can be as damaging as the disease .

Scuzy and OP I can't tell you enough that the grass really really really can be greener if you just take the terrifying first step.

i agree with them all except the fantasy planning and set up points.

Seenit & Scuzy

As well as speaking to Women's Aid remember that there is a very helpful Relationships topic too.

You have both probably had to face up to some things tonight and might need a bit of time to come to terms with it. You can use Relationships as a sounding board as you work through things.

I am not suggesting you stop posting on this thread but going forward, if you want to discuss this again, Relationships might be better as sometimes AIBU can turn into a bunfight (although happily not tonight )

You don't owe him anything,Scuzy. You owe yourself and ds a better life,one that doesn't involve putting up with his abuse, constantly walking on eggshells,and taking the blame for everything. But you owe your partner nothing.He deserves nothing from you. He is abusing you,and his illness is not your fault,and the abuse he piles upon you,which isn't related to his illness, or anything you do or have done,is not your fault.

softly, sometimes the "armchair psychiatrists" are not as damaging as the real ones then

i would say when he found out about the emotional affair. then had mc. then pregnant (didnt enjoy it one bit) and in the last year has been awful. on meds about 2 and seeking help about a year now.

OP happy birthday forgot to say it. and am not making this up ... its mine in ten mins. he went to bed at ten though. will be very surprised if he remembers.

I had forgotten this was AIBU

I am glad some sensitive and attuned posters have turned up, to read what is between the lines

Struggling to keep up on my phone, as also a bit busy, so not read everything. But, those who actually commit suicide, don't tend to be the knes who threaten it. Those who threaten it, do just that to keep control.

Do NOT let him carry on controlling you. You have one life. Do you really want to be living it this way?

Yup anyfucker.

Scuzy, ok so look at it this way, getting better together is clearly not working. Even if it is (it's really not) something to do with your emotional affair then getting better apart would be more likely. Living in a twisted world of live, hate, abuse, guilt and trauma noone can get better.

Also why did you have an affair if everything really was rosy?

no i want a better life... to be loved ... but with him. guess thats not possible is it. fuck am drained. my next app is in early june will have to make my concerns more apparent this time.

Happy birthday Seenitall and Scuzy,and please give yourself the best birthday present possible,by calling Womensaid,and taking the first steps you need to take to give you and your ds the life you deserve. And it's not the life you're living now.

it should be getting better by now, scuzy

I remember when you talked about the emotional affair you had (which was years ago) you were advised that he had no right to keep holding it over you

that you had atoned for it a million times over

that nobody but him blamed you for it and that we wished you had used it as a springboard to exiting this relationship

that you should forgive yourself for it

Scuzy,please don't go back and see that psych. Please don't.He needs to be reported. He is enabling your husbands abuse.

No Scuzy get a different psych, seriously, please!

This feels really bandaid over wounds but happy birthdays Scuzy and seenit, make this year a better one.

softlysoftly because i was a selfish bitch who loved the attention of a co worker but never got physical and justified it because it never did. he knew all along and i can only imagine how hurtful all of that was. i just wanted attention like a little school girl cos he worked long hours and was never home. no excuse.

happy last five minutes of your birthday seenit

and happy birthday in five minutes scuzy

thanks for the bday wishes ye are the first! xx

thing is with psych it would ne him or someone that works with him that i see every 3 months for ten mins and a new script for meds. i never know who i will see.

You wouldn't of been drawn into an emotional affair if you had been happy, and going by your posts, it has nothing to do with you being a selfish biatch, but more so to do with his actions and being an utter twat.

Don't blame yourself, you are NOT to blame.

gosh i wish i could talk to ye all face to face over a glass of wine

we are always here, scuzy and seenit, don't leave it so long next time

but would give anything to turn back the clock and be back there, when i was happy ... i often wonder would it be easier to go if i didnt have my son. but i never regret my son never. he is my reason for living.

AF is right,Scuzy.You have to forgive yourself.