Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Well done :-) xx

Well done what though? Have you blocked his number?

oh hang on Hell, give her a break! She's done a monumental thing - don't rain on her parade.

Step at a time girl though I'm giving you until the end of the w/e to delete his number - et FREEDOM

Starting you have got to the stage of realising he is vile again.

Then you let him suck you back in like a leech every time.

Only you can stop this.

He is vile and abusive to you over and over. You are now letting him do this to you.

If you reply to his messages. If you arrange/agree to meet him. If you let him decide your social life. You only have yourself to blame from now on.

You know the score.

You know he is not going to change.

You know deep down he is a vile abusive bastard.

You have to stop now.

I know the unbearable loneliness Starting and having a heart so battered and bruised you think you will never get those feelings back.

But you need to move on once and for all. It will get better. Throw yourself into the company of other people and keep busy like you have been.
I really hope that you delete him off everything this weekend and stop torturing yourself. And as for letting him dictate who you can see when he was shagging another woman for god knows how long... Come on! Get. Rid.

Have a good weekend.

YES

Can you print out your last post and read it every time you waver?

He means you harm. That's so hard to take on board.

But it's not about you. I know, I know, it is small comfort but it's even more agony if you take it personally iyswim. dont know if I'm making much sense here - you may feel I'm quibbling - but there's actively wanting to do you harm and then there's not giving a fuck about any living thing, which includes you, very unfortunately and painfully. It's him he's got his entire focus on, nobody else. If you get in the way of him then he'll be cruel but only if you've interrupted the flow directed entirely his way.

Hi Ladies,

No contact with Arsewipe at all since last Thursday, i have deleted his number, my phone hasn't got block facility, so ill have to contact my network provider about that.... only had a couple of texts anyway, I think he realises that I've had enough of his lies and bullshit.

Your comments about him wanting to do me harm have really resonated with me, he really doesn't give a crap about me or my feelings, its all about him, he would have just used me to make himself feel better, until someone else came along.

Feeling shit and lonely tonight though......... :( I hate living on my own :( Sorry!!

Jolly well done. bravo bravo bravo.

I tell you what, anything's better than living with a vampire like him. Really. You've just got to get your head around the idea that you are wonderful (you happen to be wonderful, too, so it isn't such a stretch). Where did you get the idea that you need someone else to be fulfilled and all that you can be? Honestly, you don't. Sit with it. Sit with being on your own, living on your own. It's amazing if you turn and face it (really shit if you scrabble to get away from it). You've been with some'one' forever, now try the other way (and be surprised).

How's the therapy going? dig down and find out where the idea came from that you have to have someone else or you'll disintegrate. yy it's a powerful social message but that doesn't mean it's right.

Thanks hope xxx Cant sleep tonight and have to go into the office tomorrow!

I don't feel wonderful :( , in fact i feel pretty useless atm, im sure it will pass..... this darkness will pass.... i just need to stay positive.

I stopped the therapy once I had got through the 'crisis' after he left, as i wasn't in contract at the time and was watching money (£40 a hour), I might start it up again, I did get a lot from it.

I left my parents house and moved in with arsewipe and so I have never lived alone, its a big adjustment, I have up and down days, im just on a downer today xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Starting

Hope you got a bit more sleep last night.

I think a bit more therapy (and at £40 per still cheaper then ex) is a good idea to help you sort out your feeling and to give you some coping methods for the future.

Do you space for a lodger, just in the short term to help with bills and company. It doesn't have to be long term just help bridge the gap of how were living and how you are going to be living.

And your not useless you have just come out of an abusive relationship and are finding your feet again.

oh gawd I've just seen that your last post was at 3am! poor you in that case. If you're regularly not sleeping then you might need to address that - don't let it run too long eh? You've been through a hell of a lot starting, don't underestimate that. Plus he's been ferretting around in the wound, which was healing nicely, to get his cosy number back on tap... (sorry for graphic imagery). Arsewipe indeed.

You've a lot going for you though, try to put one foot in front of the other while you wade through it - there'll be good days and bad days, as you said. I don't think you can forshorten the process of getting over something like this because it just does take time. You['ll get there though. Particularly if you've knocked him on the head once and for all.

Hope work was ok and you're over your crappy night's sleep. I find that Kalms are good for stressful times. Does what it says on the tin and also natural. If you take it regularly ie three times a day it does lower the stress levels a notch and therefore helps with sleep.

Hey. You get so much good advice on here I never have much to add. But I want to let you know I am still here. Still checking in on you and still care x

Me too 'Only4theOlympics' I check every day to check if Starting ok.

How are you doing Starting?

I hope you start to have more Up days than Down and stay well away from Mr Toxic. It will take some getting used to being on your own but it is far preferable to being with a man who is like him.

starting how are you? If you can afford it then I would go back for counselling. Just talking things through with someone is often therapeutic.

Hope you are ok.

Hi All,

Thank you so much for checking up on me!

Up and down days at the moment.... mostly up :) have been trying to get stuff done in the house and am finding that i think of him less and less, crying is now once a week if that. I am avoiding contact, although bumped into him twice once in BQ Carpark- i was in my car and tried to ignore him, ended in a bit of an row, then again outside the chip shop! ...... told me he was sorry wanted to 'help me finish the house!' wanted to be 'in my life' ignore ignore ignore.......

Have had a crappy day today though. had a nightmare day at work and am working away from home atm for a few days so in hotel, would normally call him in the evening and chat, tell him about my shitty day and so i really missed that, felt really alone in the world as i havent got that special person to call who was always there for me to support me IYKWIM :( So i called my brother for a catch up chat which was lovely not quite the same but still lovely.

Im getting there....

xxxxxxx

Proud of you :-)

Well done.

Oh well done!
You can also always come here (or start a new thread, anywhere but AIBU) to whinge after a bad day.

well done! (rah rah!)

Ah but, he wasn't really there to support you, you were there to support him. It's easy enough to switch off and just go "uhuh, uhuh" at the right moments during a phone call (have done that myself, with a friend who was always asking for advice but never took it, so in the end I just let her rant and she didn't really notice the difference). He gave at least as much grief as he helped with and he cost more than regular counselling, one way and another. So what you're missing is the illusion of someone who was there for you.

"Nice" how he's going to help you finish the house. He could have done that at any time over the last how many years? Instead of hiding in a bottle, avoiding working at his business that you paid for and shagging another woman on the side.

Glad to hear things are mostly better, barring the odd shit day, and that you were able to have a good chat with your bro. You can always come on here for a moan as well, of course!

Good to hear from you starting, sorry you had a bad day at work.

As others have said we are always here to listen if you need it, until you are ready to move on.

Even if it is to discuss what colour paint you want you loo, it doesn't have to just about him.

Every time you post I think, "Oh here's that lovely woman with the horrible ex, hope she's all right". And you are, you have made huge strides, well done.