Have a go at Dadslib.... ...pillock!

[dadslib]

Message withdrawn

Dadslib cant do a link on this one as it is a downloaded file but please look at it, it will help you.It is in the cheshire area I think.

www.centrex.police.uk/business/Bibliographies/Domestic Violence

HTH

I must need locked up too.... I need the pasta in a certain cupboard and I want towels hung on the radiator to dry too!

How absurd??? I'm sorry but Dadslib was demonstrating a VERY common aspect of longterm relationships..... LITTLE THINGS START TO RRRRREALLLY BUG YOU ABOUT EACH OTHER!!

Lock us all up!

I never normally join in these heated debates - as I hate confrontation of any type. I just had a quick question for Dadslib.

DL - is your wife violent towards you too?

BTW it has the details of how the domestic violence programs work.

I haven't got involved in this thread but have read with interest. I just want to pass on a piece of advice that someone gave me many years ago when i was going through some horrible stuff
it was very simple - you can not change someone else but you can change the way that you deal with the things that they do that annoy you.

Beetroot - He doesn't say he gets violent with her about these things though!!!! He uses them as an example of her not taking any notice of his wishes!!
OH Dadslib please come back and clarify this.

And Dejags - yes he says that the violence is mutual although he quite often hits out first.

I think DL is getting tarred with the Wife beater brush!! I wasn't interested in sticking up for him at first but some people are putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 26!

Just to point out that Twinkies first substantial post here (2.57 yesterday) is VERY supportive of DL's position, and asked pertinent q's about his dw's responsibility in this. It didn't get heated until, DL, you started 'qualifying' the way violence erupts and offering 'buts' alongside your central admission - which is good, honest and admirable - that it is not OK. Ooops, actually feel that I am doing what I think you are guilty of...pursuing the less important tail feathers of an argument once the important bit has escaped, IYSWIM.

Don't have any experience of OCD, but I do know that I am determined, bloody minded and have a fairly heavy touch on any controls I get my hands on. While any of DPs habits bug me, we are in difficulty, and I spend hours in totally unecessary misery and tension. I have learned to consciously almost role play someone who REALLY doesn't mind that he prises open jars with the tips of the (my!) Sabatier knives, and I immediately feel much happier myself. And the relationship is better for it.

Dadslib, one question for you - if you are so unsuited to your DW and vice versa, how come you have been together so long? Could it just not be that having a baby/being tired/going out less/having no time to yourselves etc that everyone goes through when the first baby arrives exacerbates the issues that were easier to ignore before?

My dh and I get on really well, we don't get on each others nerves or nag each other (well not very often anyway) - we found it hard when dd was born and started picking at each other too - I think it's because suddenly there is so much to to and each party gets the feeling that they are shouldering the burden whereas in fact there is just 10 times as much boring mundane stuff to do as there was before.

As to the towels on the floor etc issues, I really think you have to step back and think hard about whether you really care about these things. If you do then maybe you do have some kind of OCD - I don't really have any experience of it but quite honestly if you don't have it then life is too short - my dh leaves the wet bathmat on the floor and his wet towel and dressing gown on the bed every morning. I just pick them up and put them away - he does lots for me too, why should I complain?

So have you booked in with Relate yet Dadslib?

CD - Re wet towels.... I'm megapetty about that. Why should I pick up his feckin towels??? More to the point... He leaves them in a ball until they smell damp, then I have to wash them again!!! Extra washing??? Why the f*ck should I?

See.... told you I was petty.
However CD you do sound like you have a HUGELY understanding relationship with your DH.

At the moment judging by some of these posts DH and I should either be throwing in the towel or going to counselling..... neither of which I think we need!

M2T, for me the point is that she is physically scared of him but he's not physically scared of her, which means IMO it's not a fair fight iywsim.
Dadslib, so what does provoke you so intensely?

M2T

LIFE'S TOO SHORT!

My dh gets absurdly (IMO) upset about me not refastening the sticky wraparound bit on the bread bag (he says the bread gets stale). So I bought a v expensive Nigella Lawson breadbin instead. He used to get absolutely pissed off if I even popped to the corner shop without putting the burglar alarm ('it will invalidate the insurance!' but then it broke and he never got round to fixing it/getting a man in/buying a new one. And I never hear a word about it nowadays!

Life is too short to be washing clean towels too!!!!

Fair point Aloha. However.... would he openly admit to being scared of her even if he is?

Oh god I don't wash them just put them back on the radiator to dry. If he wants them washed he does it himself!

lol Aloha - My DH is like that with the bread and locking both locks on the front door!! It never occurred to me that it would invalidate the Insurance until he pointed it out.

I just object to DH's laziness causing me extra work.... and Vice Versa.

How does the song go...
"That's life... Thats what all the people saaaay.."

(oh - better get my burglar alarm fixed..)

It would never occur to me to put my burglar alarm on. I go out leaving the back door open regularly. But them I do have a 45 kg dog that looks like it'd rip your head off as soon as look at you....

I am prob too far the other way, is there a name for that OUD maybe (ob uncompulsive disorder) where I just can't be arsed to worry about things. Examples of this

Going for walk in park and coming back to find front door of car open
Never setting alarm/locking doors
Ignoring warning lights in car eg oil change for weeks
Letting paperwork pile up over head
Stuffing more and more into dirty clothes basket until have to sit on it to shut lid and finally doing washing when socks run out
Not caring about anything trivial like toothpaste lid off, dirty dishes in sink when we have dishwasher, bath not cleaned out properly, dh leaving top off hair wax every morning etc.

I just don't care.

Yohhh Countess Drac - my kinda woman. I say a hearty YES to all those and more. I NEVER lock my car. Its a travelling flea pit. If they want to nick it, more fool them. Top on the toothpaste??? After the first outing we have NO tops...add to that milk tops. Bread is never in the bbin,,, could go on. I just do not have time to be arsed.

My back french doors stick in wet weather and sometimes I simply cannot be bothered to haul them shut and go out with them open. Shhh.... don't tell dh

Excellent Lazyeye, glad it's not just me.

Had to lend the car to someone last week so got it cleaned, the men at the cleaning place were in hysterics at the amount of crap in my car! My bread is often mouldy too, mainly due to fact that breadbin in on microwave and so gets hot (too lazy to move it). If we didn't have a cleaner our house would be a health hazard (though when we didn't we would spend 2hrs together cleaning on Sat mornings.)