No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging, no tumbling hair, be a maiden fair. And you definitely won't see him for dust! Dating thread 14

[ChaoticismyLife]

Chastity belts at the ready...

Extra strong padlocks required...

Sponge - you definitely have the perfect opportunity to ask Door Man to your party if he his door hanging on Saturday! Go for it - why not.

I'm picking up on this as well. sorry. really trying to bite my tounge and not have a go MLM, because I think you've been getting it in the neck over teh last few days...

21 year old men and 14 year old girls! Without wishing to display sweeping generalisations, 14 year old girls might find that 'romantic' or flattering, because we're socialised into thinking that older men with cars and jobs are able to give us material things and material things are good and teh attention is flattering because they're all grown up and we're gawky and unsure and lack confidence...(plus your average 14 year old boy is wildly unappetising & immature) but IMO 21 year old men hanging around with 14 year old girls want someone they can control, who they feel superior to and who will puppy-dog around after them. yuk, yuk, yuk.

I honestly think you could do with popping to the GP, you've had a horrible time of things by all accounts. I really think you would benefit from some counselling or life coaching (pop down to the library by the Churchill, they have tons of self help books, because the waiting list for counselling in Brom is useless...) and maybe consider having a period of self reflection and rebuilding before embarking on dating proper. we all need cuddles. it is lonely, but lonely is better than being dragged into something else that you might not be ready for.

mlm - agreeing with what snape says. And im sorry you have had to deal with all of this. and you have done very well to get youself out of a terrible situation.
I do worry that you are not in the right place to be dealing with dating and people will take advantage of this. or just people who you arent dating will take advantage.
Being the centre of attention as a 14 year old girl with a group of 21 year old men is not good full stop. men pestering you asking for sexual favors and offering to pay is not good. There is no way of painting that is a good way.

BUT you are strong, you have got out of that, and an abusive relationship. its time to start afresh.

Cuddles do not need to be from men. It doesnt sound like you know many people in the area where you live. And maybe it you help with feeling loney if you did. It also sounds like you could do with a bit of emotional and practical support, someone on your side giving you a hand. have a look at this link : www.home-start.org.uk/findus/findus
find your local centre and make a self referal. Please.

lol at discount on labour

and deffo no skirt in knickers situation as I am wearing scruffy housework trousers. have to go to a course this afternoon so will go and put my work clothes on in a mo, hopefully that will impress him

and can i just third what snape and watch have said.

The thought of a daughter of mine hanging out with men of 21 at just 14 makes my blood run cold. My eldest Ds is nearly 14 - i know the girls in his year, for all the fake tan and make up they wear, are just little girls. a 21 year old man wouldnot want to hang round with them for any good reason.

homestart are a really good support. do contact them

its an awful though, truely terrifying really. Obviously MLM we dont know what went on, but it just rings such alarm bells ( and the recent case in the news this last week of young girls being groomed by gangs of men for sex)

Homestart are good support, Maybe less scary than going to a doctor, and can give you huge emotional support, even if you dont think you need it. Even if its just help with helping getting you out in your local area, helping you make friends and access local playgroups. helping you in town and with shopping, helping you with practical things too. or just somone to talk to, who wont judge you and who can offer support and a listening ear. essentially like a really nice, kind mum, or grandmother :)

get this from the library!

sorry, I know we're all 'at you' it's well intended, we all want to support you. You have done really well, I just worry that you're looking for a relationship to solve a lot of problems in your life that it just won't solve - and might actually add to them. I always think the the best place to start in a quest for a significant other is being 100% happy with yourself and happy on your own.

I have a new 'fan' on times encounters.

he's 65.

haha snape. 65. is that a winner? bloody hell.

Im not getting much on match, messages from men who live hours and hours away and thats is. Ive not replied.

Clearly the fact i dont want to date someone who lives 2 hours drive away is limiting me, but for goodness sake!!!

mlm - agreed, its said from a place of trying to support you, not attack you.

I'm 44. I'm forty fucking FOUR!

Awh Snape, 65? That's terrible. Ha ha ha ha!

MLM we are not ganging up on you, honest, just don't want to see you ending up back in a similar situation to the one you escaped from. You were with your ex for 7 years, so from the age of 16, you've not had the freedom to have the fun that teenage years bring. If you were my daughter I would be telling you to forget about men for a long while and just concentrate on building up a good circle of girlfriends who you can have crazy nights out with. Men are not that answer to anything loneliness or boredom. Your longing for kisses cuddles and hugs is understandable but it does make you vulnerable too.

That's not a bad age gap Snape. At 65 he will have his pension so a good income. You won't have to tip up after a date. He might have a mobility scooter so you could ride pillion, no bus fares! And... he might have some little blue pills so he can, err, 'stay up all night'. What more could a woman want??

PMSL at Snapes new fan! I've got a whole geriatric ward on Match.com. Can you imagine what age the fans of 60 year old women must be?

Do you remember about a million years ago, probably before MLM was born, Penelope Keith starred in a very lame sit-com where she dated a significantly younger man - the original cougar! Well what I want to know, is does this whole cougar thing only exist for Penelope Keith & Demi Moore?

no post it doesnt. I get a ton of messages from men in their early to mid 20's.
Beginning of the year i shagged a 24 year old. Im 34 in sept. I am not proud of this. And while he had stamina, he lacked experience.
AND - i couldnt have actually dated him, i would have been terribly embarassed. Ive just ignored all messages from anyone young since. i dont really need to fulfil any ' older woman fantasies' ( GGGRRR at being described as an older woman)
My age range is from about 31 to 38 really.

No Post, I don't remember that at all. lies and whistles innocently

No, I don't think it exists only for the rich and famous. I too attract younger men. So there!

I just don't date them.

Tsk, Watch - you are still young!!!!! Something happens with internet dating when you hit 40 (I'm whispering so Sponge can't hear). I'm guessing that the whole natural selection filter thing kicks in & lots of men don't even look at over 40s.
To be honest, not sure I could cope with a youngster - mind you, I'll probably never know!

I have to disagree with you there Post. I'm 47 and was getting lots of messages until I deleted my profile. From younger men and from men around my own age.

I could move in, get him to write his will over to me, be a step mother to his children who are concievably older than me, a spring wedding and then fuck him to death reap the benefits.

it's a long term plan.

blee. however, exactly the plan my evil step mother had/ has.

You know, its surprising, or maybe it is, but to me, its shocking, how many women do actually do that. Or date men just for the money. or whatever

I couldnt and would never do that. Perhaps this is why im single though?

I wouldn't date a man who was loaded. I would find that a bit intimidating, I don't want flash 'stuff', I want equality. That means he has to earn no more £69.50 a week.

Oh no - I must look so old, decrepit & crumbly that no young men want me. PBB rushes off to buy polyfilla to fill the cracks & attract toy boys!

Snape - nearly crying with laughter at your plan. You could be just like that very voluptuous blonde model, Anna Nicole Smith, who married the 84 year old. PBB ponders if that might not be a better idea?!

I cant remember what happened with that? The family contested it didnt it, and it got messy and iwas in court for years, but i cant remember the outcome.
Other than it was sad all round really.

Do you want to borrow my photo Post? Men seem to post pics of people that don't resemble the real them so I can't see that you would be doing anything wrong

She died in 2007 of an overdose watch so it was a really sad outcome.

watch i think it's a pay-off though, compromising your principles, putting up with crap because you like the lifestyle attached to the wallet. All well and good if it's a lovely lovely man who incidentally happens to be financially solvent, but it certainly isn't something that I attach that much importance to..

this is where times comparability comes into it. I don't want a cocklodger, I would like someone who could pay his way, with the occasional reciprocal treat from either side thrown in. Have agreed with/stressed to Pm that 99% of women on dating sites are gold diggers though, because he isn't working at the moment and I am evil and want to tinker with his dating mojo. muhahahahaha.

yes, I'm gonna anna nicole that badass! I think I need to aim at men in their eighties with a family history of coronary heart disease though. thats a great chat up line...

Me: so, tell me about your family..mum and dad?

84 year old: oh they both died in their mid-eighties, heart trouble
me: oh! I'm so sorry to hear that. hereditary?