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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging, no tumbling hair, be a maiden fair. And you definitely won't see him for dust! Dating thread 14

999 replies

ChaoticismyLife · 09/05/2012 21:53

Chastity belts at the ready...

Extra strong padlocks required...

Grin
OP posts:
MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 10:41

Pretend you don't remember them. I would. I cant remember half the guys I have spoken to tbh. I only remember those who have potential. Right now 3 come to mind. One being my non potato.

PostBellumBugsy · 17/05/2012 10:43

In that case, you may well need your trusty arsenal of stories! I use those too at some of the fraightfully posh work functions I go to, when I get stuck with miseries. I burble brightly until their eyes glaze over & then know I've given them the PBB cheery kiss of death! 100% get out of jail free success rate too. Grin

TimeForMeAndDD · 17/05/2012 10:49

Tell him you have a twin! Grin

PostBellumBugsy · 17/05/2012 10:50

Love it Time!!!!

Snapespeare · 17/05/2012 10:52

Happy birthday sponge! :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 10:55

yes, the photocopier. please bear in mind that this is my actual real life, and unfortunatley not made up :)

i started a new job. They were based in this little cabin on the same site as the job i had moved from. They were a charity and thus had no money. We were allowed to use the services of the main site.
To impress them and look keen i volunteered to do the monthly newsletter photocopying, i figured they would think i was lovely, and kind and helpful. The job took around 2 hours.
What they didnt know was that the photocopying room was right next to my old dept, so i was planning on setting it up and going off for a 2 hour jolly catching up with people.
it was a win/ win situation that couldnt fail.

So - off i go with the trundel trolly piled high with boxes of paper, get to the post room, set it all up, go off to see my friends, fully congratulating myself on being a genius.

i return 90 mins later to find the machine had done nothing. NOTHING. its beeping like motherfucker and the whole thing is jammed.totally.

The jams dont budge, papers getting shredded into tiny tiny bits. The whole copier is almost taken apart, you know, all drawers out, cogs out, levers pulled and i spot a tiny, inch long bit of paper caught right at the back. i reach right in to get it. I had chosen that day to wear a long, beaded necklace, looked lovely, it was sage greeny ceramic beads on a silver chain, really long, almost waist lenght. very pretty :) until it got stuck in this toothy wheely bit.
I was stuck fast. I was bent over, bum in air, hair over my face, tethered by my necklace, which was caught in a place so that i couldnt get my head out, there wasnt enough space. The more i pulled the tighter is seemed to get.

It was about 5 mins before the post boy came back to the room to find me, bent over, trapped in the photocopier, red faced. And i had to ask him to help me.

He cut me out with some sissors. and helped me do they work. I ran back to my new office, crying with laughter. When i told the story and explained why i had been late ( obviously obmitting the skiving part) they did not laugh. not one of them even smiled. I knew then that was not the job for me.

:)

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 10:57

The only awkward ex moments I had was with someone who is now back into the good books. A simple nod, their name and walk on by worked for me. I could However hear him chatting about me. All good things too.

That won't work though. Just think enjoy the film. I want to go see it [envious]

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 11:01

I would have laughed but maybe they thought you were doing something you shouldn't be with the post boy. LOL. Of course you weren't. But people with dirty minds.

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 11:04

i dont think they thought that. they were a very posh charity.

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 11:06

That's ok then its what would have popped into my head

I still would have laughed.

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 11:07

Mainly cos that's the sort of thing that happens to me!

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 11:09

everyone laughs, because its a really funny story.
;)

i didnt really fit in there...

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 11:21

I wouldn't have either. Obviously you were too much fun for them!

ChaoticismyLife · 17/05/2012 11:21

Oh, dear, watch I'm literally lolling here GrinGrinGrin

I would have laughed...all afternoon.

Sinks, photocopiers...anything else you'd like to tell us Grin

OP posts:
feelinglonely · 17/05/2012 11:33

Posh cock,doors ,u all make me laugh thats what i need.Lol watch.happy bday sponge have fun.Got message he's been busy at wrk n misses me so will just see how it goes.wouldn't mind q cuddle though.

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 11:37

chaotic - theres a list as long as my arm. If not longer. of slightly strange things that are either really funny or totally unbelieveable.
but im not going to hog the thread.....

So - not being a ' blend into the background' type person, i need to date someone whos the same. but who is also serious too, and nice. and has interests and a big penis :)

TimeForMeAndDD · 17/05/2012 11:46

Grin that's brilliant watch, I would have laughed too. In fact, if I had been the post person I would have taken some photo's before I released you!

I got sucked into a Henry hoover once. We had chores in refuge and it was my turn to hoover the lounge. The Henry had a vent in the hose but the cover was broken. I bent down to pick up a toy and the chiffon scarf I was wearing got sucked right in through the vent hose. No one released me, they were too busy laughing Grin

I'm not a blend in the background type of person either watch so my requirements for a man are exactly the same as yours. Especially the big willy!!

hatesponge · 17/05/2012 11:48

thanks for the happy birthdays everyone.

The door man is here. he is rather lovely. he said how polite my DSs are (I was tempted to ask if he had the right children!) I've made him a coffee but other than that left him to get on with his work Grin

He cant come tomorrow as he has to help a friend with a broken leg move house (clearly a nice person as well) so he's coming back on Saturday. When of course I will be preparing for my party so might just have to ask him to pop back for a drink later...

MyLittleMiracles · 17/05/2012 11:51

sponge I reckon you definitely should. You guys do make me laugh. I have always been a good girk but love being centre of attention, hence I was always on a big group of boys with just my then best mate, some of them being 7 years older and that's a lot at 14!

watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 11:52

:) time, thats excellent. i would have laughed too.

sponge - thats a good idea, chat a bit more to him, try and find out if hes single, say as a thank you for doing such a good job, would he like to stay for a drink at your party :)

and very happy birthday - again:)

hatesponge · 17/05/2012 11:56

yes I need to find out if he's single...he's ever so smiley though. Am not sure though whether this is simply a response to me grinning like a cheshire cat at him, that he feels he has to smile back!

TimeForMeAndDD · 17/05/2012 11:59

Grin I also set the fire alarm off one night by burning toast. The fire alarm went straight through to the fire station. Cue lots of hunky fire men turning up and me with a face redder than the fire engine. I was the eldest woman in the refuge, I was supposed to set an example! I didn't live that one down for a long time either Grin

Yes Sponge, good idea, get chatting and flirting, and sod dating, try to get a discount on the labour!

Have a lovely birthday! Smile

TimeForMeAndDD · 17/05/2012 12:00

Is your boob hanging out or something? Is your skirt tucked in your knickers? Check these things promptly. Just in case. Grin

ChaoticismyLife · 17/05/2012 12:05

I've managed to set the cooker on fire twice and the microwave once. As you can see cooking isn't my forte Grin

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 17/05/2012 12:05

mlm - at 14 you were hanging around with 21 year old boys.
:(
yes, that is a lot for a 14 year old girl. And very sad. I dont think thats a good thing at all. Please look after yourself.
Have you looked at your local childrens centre, homestart or womens aid? They might have some courses that help with building up esteme, and other things.