Please help me. My partner just shoved me against a wall by the throat and asked if I wanted to seee what murder looked like.

[theincredibequeenofwands]

He stormed out after a while.

I'm really shaken and I don't know what to do.

He was made redudant and is really stressed. I'm working as many hours as I can to make everything okay but he won't apply for jobs. I was looking online for him but and trying to get him interested and he just flipped.

I'm too ashamed to call up a friend and my parent's phone is engaged.

Please talk to me.

:'o(

Regardless of how you feel at the moment, please speak to Women's Aid.

It has happened once, there is nothing to say it will not happen again, especially under lots of stress.
There is nothing for you to be ashamed about.

OP - just get some back up. Make some plans. Draw a line in the sand for yourself and stick to it. What happened today must never happen again. If you are pregnant, please bear in mind that domestic violence very typically starts or escalates in pregnancy. There is a pattern to much domestic abuse and you can educate yourself about that pattern and then make decisions accordingly. Please, please take care of yourself. You do not have to put up with years of abuse to be allowed to leave. Once is enough. Twice may be one time too many. Please take care.

Well, it is obviously up to the op whether she stays with a violent monster, it is up to her whether she wants to risk being throttled.

Shame her child cant decide whether he wants her to stay with him and continue living in such a homelife.

OP

Everyone has stress, every couple has the odd rough patch, arguments here and there. NOT everyone behaves the way your OH did. There is no excuse or reason for it, it is totally unacceptable. Working in Mental Health may actually be a hindrance to you in this stitation.

Even if you don't leave, if he comes back and is the perfect partner, tell the police and get it logged. Do not take this on as being your fault, as an adult he is responsible for his own actions.

Make sure you keep yourself and DC safe, which may mean you have to leave.

And talk to someone, and remember it is not your fault

Actually, the only one who advocates that he OP stays with him is you.

I find that pretty offensive.

Ok Everlong - you need to get a grip quite frankly because you're talking nonsense. If the OP's dh continues to be abusive she can't 'make it work'. She won't have broken it. The abusive partner will have broken the relationship. Far too many women are frightened in their own homes, beaten in the place where they should be safe, raped and far too many women are killed by their partners or ex partners. Far too many children witness their mothers suffering abuse. These are the sorry facts of domestic abuse in our society. That's how it is. How ever much a woman may want to make it work sometimestrying to 'make it work' will bring her in to danger. There are a lot of people posting on this thread concerned for her and for her child. We are speaking out of some knowledge of the general picture and out of a desire for her to be safe. I'm sure you share that desire. I believe people make mistakes and I believe that people can change but I also KNOW that a situation when one partner throttles the other, however briefly and however sorry they are, is a dangerous situation. The OP needs to know that because it's very easy to dismiss what's happened today. I am sure you are concerned for the OP too but your posts are skating bloody close to making excuses for this man and telling her to tolerate further abuse. Please reassure me that's not what you mean.

You are advocating she "tries to make it work" though.

But I will ignore your posts from now on, as engaging with you is not constructive. For the rest of us to keep bickering with you is hardly helping the op, like I myself said further down.

OP, did he actually hit you today?

Hi.

Came back.

Been rearranging furniture, something I do when I'm stressed.

No, he didn't hit me. He didn't hurt me. Yes, is the first time this has happened. We've had rows before, but they're made up within the hour.

He told me today he's depressed - not something he'd usually say.

I'm obviously pissed off but he is geniunely sorry.

He's staying with friends for a few days. I need some space, I've been through a lot lately too.

Is hard seeing him like this. He's usually smiley, bright and energetic. This whole situation has knocked him sideways.

I did call the police. I called them before I posted on here. It has been 'logged', if that's the word (I'm not sure how these things work).

I'm okay. Still a bit shaken up, but I am okay.

I do appreciate the kind words and advice. Sometimes it's nice just to be able to write your feelings down.

:)

Good to see you back. Glad to see you are keeping strong, and that he is giving you space. Glad to see you are headstrong enough to ask for space, and that you have spoken to the police. If this is a turning point for him, then thats great, you can put this behind you. If it isnt, well, then at least it is logged.

What did the police say?

There is always a first time when an out of character incident happens though isn't there?

Surely Everlong (as you tell us on all these threads, you have experiences yourself of DV) there was a first time for you as well? Sorry, honestly, to get personal, but what I don't get on these threads, is how anyone who has been there can give the advice you do. On other threads of this ilk, I actually presumed for a long time that you were a) a man and b) a DV apologist. I know now, (because you have said) that you are neither, but that is how you come across. Doesn't that make you think? (honestly, I'll say it again, I'm not after picking a fight with you truly, but my heart sinks when I see you on a DV thread. Your ideas are just weird)

For me personally, once would be once too many. And the fact that he "didn't hit" her, doesn't mean that yesterday she didn't become a victim of DV. She did.

Anyway, OP, glad you logged it. You now need to do some thinking. Maybe also in the light of the fact that last November you were posting about him shouting through your son's bedroom door that he was leaving and that you felt you would be happier on your own anyway. (if it's the same partner)

Losing your job doesn't mean you can threaten to kill your wife with your hands around her neck.
OP you didn't see this coming. You probably won't next time either. Your dh has proved himself to be dangerous and unpredictable.

I am sure he does need some help and support but if you choose to try to stay in the relationship and " work through it together" you will be living with the constant fear of more unpredictable, violent and dangerous behaviour. Every single day.

I said that I assumed you were a man because you actually come across as someone who would have no idea how a woman who has been the victim of DV feels. Which given your experience is odd.

Yes, as I said on page 1, I looked at her old posts to see if this fuckwit had form. Whilst she has never talked about anything violent, less than 5 mths ago he did leave her shouting through the son's bedroom door that he was going and she posted saying she was almost relieved because things had been bad for some time. So shoot me.