Please help me. My partner just shoved me against a wall by the throat and asked if I wanted to seee what murder looked like.

[theincredibequeenofwands]

He stormed out after a while.

I'm really shaken and I don't know what to do.

He was made redudant and is really stressed. I'm working as many hours as I can to make everything okay but he won't apply for jobs. I was looking online for him but and trying to get him interested and he just flipped.

I'm too ashamed to call up a friend and my parent's phone is engaged.

Please talk to me.

:'o(

Lucyellen, are you serious? 'you sound very sensible'. She has been physically attacked, and threatened with being killed, has a child to protect, and is just letting the bloke back in as if it was just a barney. Imo that is not sensible at all, it's bloody irresponsible. Good luck for next time op, this will not be the last time he is 'stressed'.

Jeez I just signed in to see if the OP was ok. And OP I'm glad you are - but as Northern says - be very careful

And Everlong & others - if it were your daughter in the OPs situation - would you still be thinking she shouldn't have just got as far away from this man as she could?

Everlong

If my DH had his hands round my throat and threatened to murder me I would be thinking very bloody hard and they would not be thoughts of evaluating what had happened.

They would be thoughts of 'Do I know this man and am I and my child safe in his company?'

I don't feel stupid.

I'm okay.

Like I said, I'm a bit numb and intend to have a few days space.

Yup, what Northernlurker says. And RightBugger.

I haven't read the whole thread but I was in an abusive relationship and my son is still recovering from seeing mummy strangled. He is almost 2. His fear is fading but getting there.

You need to get out, I left, I had a few clothes, 20pounds, no phone, no charger, just me and my son. I would have always felt scared in that house, him knowing where I lived etc.

6 months on life is good again. I have a rented property of my own, friends who are there, in contact with old friends.

I was scared of being a single mum, but my bestie convinced me I could. And I am a ok mum, not perfect but coping.

Believe me, take what you can collect your child and go. I spent 5 months at mums but it was worth it, or live in fear, and sooner or later your son will sense it and fear him too.

So he is the same one who left you last year then?

Where is he/where are you going to have this few days space incidentally?

My two pennorth-not that it matters.

If my DH did that to me, he wouldn't get a second chance-not ever. But as he respects me he wouldnt do it in the first place.

As someone has already stated lots of people face and deal with redundancy every day. Not many of them hold thier DP's up against the wall by the throat and threaten murder.

I think you should run as fast as you can personally.

And as for what he did being out of character....well, d'oh, no shit Sherlock....she wouldn't presumably have been with him in the first place if his idea of a fun free time activity was knocking her about,would she, so of course it's out of character. Talk about stating the bleeding obvious.

It's still unforgiveable.

OP you need to think very very carefully before you consider letting him come back. What he has done is very very serious, as I'm sure you're aware. Before he comes anywhere near you he needs to get help...whether that be counselling/anger management/pills/whatever.

Normal men do not push their partners against the wall and threaten to hurt them when stressed. They just don't.

A man who reacts like this to stress isn't a safe man to be around. Not while he remains "stressed".

If he is genuinely suffering from a psychotic episode because of stress, then he needs immediate help from psychiatric services via the NHS. Remaining in the family home is the worst outcome for everyone.

Just she needs to know her options. I was just saying she CAN go it alone as a single parent.

But to be fair if this IS the one and only time it ever happens, then move forward, but if it ever happens again you do need to leave. It took me years to realise this. It was hard and I will have to explain it to my son when he gets older, but that's all to come and by which time it will be distant memories.

Sometimes life isn't about forgiveness, but acceptance. I haven't forgiven just accepted it and moved on OP this has to be YOUR decision, I know you love him, you want to make your relationship work. So did I, I didn't want my son growing up without a dad, cos I know its hard, but mine passed away.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

Because everlong the OPs title is please help. That is what people are trying to do-help.

If she just wanted to rant then she shouldn't have asked for help.

Backatcha Everlong. Why do you always tell women on these threads who are clearly (to 99% of MNers) being abused to stay?

Just wonderin' and all.

Hope your as ok as can be OP x

OP

I hope you are OK.

You obviously love your DH and you say he just flipped......

But, have you thought about a line in the sand that will trigger you and your child to leave him? If he pushes you up against a wall one more time? Or ten more times? Or if he actually tries to strangle you? Or if he hits you? But if he "just" slaps you as opposedmto punches you, will that be OK?

Please think about what message tou are sending to him by staying put in the house tonight.

Please think about what message it gives to your children that the physically more powerful oarent can threaten and hurt the physically weaker (and pregnant ) one.

Please think about how you will feel going to the police in the future if this reccurs and when they ask you if it is the first time, you will have to say no. And then they will ask you why you did not report anything before. If you do not report now, today, there will be no record of this.

Please think about what you want from your life: (A) a lovely, loving, respectful husband who cares for you, wants the best for you and your children?

Or (B) a man who "flips" under stress and threatens you.

I don't know you, but I am guessing you would prefer (A). Why stay with a man who offers you a potential lifetime of (B)?

Good luck.

Oh, and if you decide to stay, it might be wise, once everything has calmed down, to prepare a real-life emergency bag, containing:

• copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, bank statments, payslips, mortgage agreement, passports etc. Etc.
• as much cash as you can muster, taking a fixed, but ot noticeable sum out of your account every week to stash
• some clothes and essentials for the children, toothbrushes etc.
• essential clothes for you

Because most men don't do whatyour DH did today. Ever.

But his having done it once means he is capable and willing to do it again.

So, in your position, even if I did not leave tonight, I would be mentally and practically prepared.

I too hope you're okay, but I think you should leave after what happened. At least look into your options and form a plan, in case there is a next time.

Good luck and please post whenever you need to.