Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

RIGHTS AND WRONGS OF THIS

181 replies

Putthatbookdown · 07/05/2012 07:25

wHERE i WORKED BEFORE IT was common for colleagues to ask each other home for dinner etc I asked a younger colleague and thought she would refuse being 10 years younger etc she would have more to do,She immediately asked if she could bring a friend but gave no details. This girl came along -also much younger and nothing in common with me -nothing against her but little in common re intersts, background etc HOWEVER she was keen to meet me I asked why she had been broughtt here and the reply was "the Church* but the girl was an atheist.Other family members/friends did not like her. I could not have invited her to my home as I did not know her could I?But the girl said I had been told about her and that is why I invited her Rubbish I was told nothing about her As these 2 were close friend I think the likelehood was she was told about me and the other one wanted to meet me otherwise she would have refused the invite: please adjudicate on this .

OP posts:
Tiptoptoe · 07/05/2012 07:30

I cant quite make out what the problem is. Why on earth would you invite anyone home for dinner if you didnt want them there? That is very strange to me although I may well be misunderstanding what the problem is.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2012 07:43

I'm missing the problem here as well. Don't invite people for dinner if you don't mean it. Are you annoyed that she invited a friend to your little soiree? If you're male I'd understand why a young woman might want to bring along a friend for safety.

Original poster
Putthatbookdown · 07/05/2012 07:43

I invited the colleague not her friemd She brought the friend which i found rude so i think she did wrong ...

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2012 07:45

You said she 'asked' to bring a friend. You could very easily have said no.

Tiptoptoe · 07/05/2012 07:45

You said she asked if she could bring a friend beforehand. You obviously didn't say no. Again, I don't see the problem.

ScooseLooseAbootThisHoose · 07/05/2012 07:46

I don't understand what has the church got to do with it? Confused as others gave said don't invite people for dinner then, simple.

Groovee · 07/05/2012 07:47

You could have said no to her coming for dinner instead of saying yes

Original poster
Putthatbookdown · 07/05/2012 07:47

i am not male and i invited the colleague not her friend The colleague could have refused but she did not she immediately accepted and asked to bring this friend

OP posts:
ScooseLooseAbootThisHoose · 07/05/2012 07:49

So it that case why not say sorry but I am not comfortable having a stranger in my home why agree?

TimeForMeAndDD · 07/05/2012 07:50

Maybe she asked if she could bring a friend, because like you, she thought you and her would have nothing in common, with her being so much younger. Maybe she didn't want to offend you by turning down your invite.

I don't think she did wrong by bringing her friend, she did ask and you said yes.

Tiptoptoe · 07/05/2012 07:51

Did you say NO to her bringing a friend? Perhaps this friend was her partner? I am still finding this a very strange thread.

tribpot · 07/05/2012 07:52

So she asked to bring a friend. Out of politeness, you said yes. You didn't really like the friend, but what the hell - it was one dinner, right? Is your question actually about how you would invite the girl again without agreeing to her friend coming along?

Tiptoptoe · 07/05/2012 07:52

Sorry that was supposed to be What DIDNT you say no to her bringing a friend

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 07/05/2012 07:53

why did you say yes then if you didn't want the friend to come?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2012 07:57

I think the ajudication OP is that YABU. Next time only invite people you've got something in common with rather than out of some sense of duty and, if they ask to bring a friend, say no.

TanteRose · 07/05/2012 07:57

you say that "other family\friends didn't like her" - so it was not just a dinner for you and the work colleague?

if there were various people there anyway, surely one extra person (who you said yes to) is no big deal - not everyone has to like everyone else, surely - it happens

the "Church" is mystifying Confused

CurrySpice · 07/05/2012 07:58

And why is this in Relationships?

You invited someone for dinner, she said yes and asked to bring a friend. You agreed she could. Now you're asking if she was wrong to bring the friend. Is that it? I'm confused!

Tiptoptoe · 07/05/2012 08:04

You and me both Curry :)

Groovee · 07/05/2012 08:07

Think we all are curry

CurrySpice · 07/05/2012 08:08

Always reassuring to know I'm not alone in my bewilderment Tip Grin

So many questions for the op. and do few answers!

Original poster
Putthatbookdown · 07/05/2012 08:17

YES do not invite these people to dinner you mean ...actually it is v sad.. The Church - yes this is interesting-- the idea was I the atheist was to do good for the univited girl I think. We tested it out and the uninvited girl had no social life or anything actually She was here to get off me , to get better which is of course not a Christian thing to do. This was not friendship but social work!!! Sad that people have to do thes things What interests me is why the colleague who is religious did not have a life at the church - why bother with an atheist??

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 07/05/2012 08:19

Sorry I'm still none the wiser! Sad

TanteRose · 07/05/2012 08:20

Confused Confused

but "why bother with an atheist" made me laugh Grin

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/05/2012 08:21

'get off' you? Hmm You're making no sense.

RecursiveMoon · 07/05/2012 08:25