Am definately leaving this time...10,20,50 times lucky...

[TiggersLikeToBounce]

Firstly I like to sat I feel like a fraud! There are so many messages on here with persons in what I know are in a lot more difficult circumstances than mine.
I have been married for 11 months and with my husband for 4 years in total. We have no children. He is 36 I am 32.
Wow this is hard!
I have researched online about emotional abuse and it really hits home. My 'DH' does not hit me, he is not a monster. What he does do is stonewall me all the time. Over the most little things, sometimes for over a week..
Examples recently; I put the hoover in the wrong plug! I know sounds silly right...but when you live it, it is really crazy. He did not talk to me for 1 day over that.
I put the wrong cheese on my dinner...not his mine. By the way it was goats cheese not cheeder :-( 4 days of silence for that
I drank a bottle of rose in one night, very very unusal....he wanted me to see a doctor as I had a drinking problem. 1 week for this
The most recent exampe is I did not want to watch what he was and sat playing a game on my mobile...been 5 days and counting.
It goes on and on and on.

I have left him so many times, but always go back with the promise that things will chang, which they do for a few weeks. Everything I do seems to be never good enough, I feel like I am going mad.

We went to relate in Jan, I found them quite unhelpful. All it seemed to do was give him more things to be unhappy about.

I am so unhappy with him and so very very sad to leave him.

This is not normal is it? I feel like I am going mad

Had the worst day of my life :(
I went back to our house this morning to get my suitcase and some more things for my holiday, as when I left I only took my most precious items and a handful of clothes.
I had rang the neighbour who told me H had gone off to work as normal and his car was not there.
I was at home for about an hour when he turns up. Seems he has been tracking me via my mobile .
I completely panicked - a complete adrenalin rush which saw me push all matter of furniture up against the spare bedroom door (where all my clothes are) to barricade myself in. He was acting like a broken man, begging me to come out and just talk to him. Crying, sobbing the full works, god it was awful.
He then turned angry - even more awful. Threatened to kill himself there and then outside the door
I had no mobile phone, we are on the first floor, so I stuck my head out of the window and screamed for help.
Neightbour hears and is banging on the front door - god it was all kicking off
Police were called

took them a while to get me out of the bedroom, paremedics were there the lot

God! why why why why why why

I am on a morning flight out of London tomorrow - could not come soon enough

What did he do?? Are you ok?!!!

Oh no!!! Hope you are ok. How awful for you.

He did nothing to me, I was locked in the spare room with a double bed and various objects up against the door. God knows where I found the strength to move all that in a matter of seconds
Neighbour called the police and paramedics as she did not know what was happening, but knows the history of the break-up.
He faked taking an overdose and made superficial cuts on his wrists, so he was carted off.
Unfortunately, I was frozen for a while in the bedroom, with no strength to remove all the furniture from the door.
Had to give a statement, now round my friends house with a hot cup of tea and her lovely DH watching over me

Funny how tea is always the first thing people offer in times of need. I do not even drink it but am.

Oh phew glad you're ok! Have you got everything from the house you want now?

Oh my love, you poor thing, you were so brave!

Drink a sweet drink, the sugar will help you feel calmer.

Take as long as you can out in SanFran. The break will do you good. Could you stay on for a while? Sod everything? People would understand.

Let the police do their job, make sure that you are doing ALL you can to help your case to keep him away from you.

He TRACKED your phone FGS, that is not the actions of someone that loves you.

((((hug))))

Ps Change your SIM & do not go back to the house alone again!!

Oh my GOD! you poor, poor thing. That is just awful .

(((((hug))))))

I'm sorry to hear what your going through Tigger.

Just wanted to post to say you are doing amazingly well, and his actions when you went home just confirm how RIGHT you are. Tracked your phone? Thought only about scaring you and superficially hurting himself when you were terrified and barricaded in the room next door?

Enjoy your trip away and remember how much better your life is without that vile man.

I got nothing in the end.
Just left it all behind, from what I gather I can ask the police to be with me when I move everything out. Even though the house is half mine, I really need to talk to a solicitor.
However, I am flying out tomorrow for 3 weeks to see my brother.
Do you think I should see someone first and cancel my flight until a later date?

Spoke to my brother, it must have been very early morning out there bless him. Told me just to get out there with my passport and I can get clothes etc out there.
God my head is all over the place.

What haunts me the most is he said he would destroy everything I love and make me hurt as much as I have hurt him!

I have now had to get all sorts of security in place, as I have a horse. Luckily yard owner lives on site and has good security anyways but I have had to tell him to keep an eye open for H. Dog is safe and I think all my family should be OK.

I just am in disbelief that the man I married nearly 1 year ago is doing this. I was so blind to it all.

Have you been to get some advice from a Solicitor?

I would give your contact details to Solicitor and jump on that plane.

You have stopped doing what you are told so now he has turned nasty - you did the right thing you called for help.

Get your mum to go and get your stuff and store it somewhere - take some time out and let your DB look after you

Tigger, you poor poor thing. I'm so sorry you had to find out just how nasty he was this way, and vindictive, and tracking you. This is awful.

I agree, do leave your details with the solicitor and you can always phone them from your brothers, I suggest you do action that straight away as he sounds really like he's lost it and may be doing all types of things himself.

Thank goodness you are ok, what on earth did he have to make those cuts on him, and thank god he didn't use it on you:(

This man is used to being very very controlling, even of what you ate, wore and went, and he may not stop now. Don't be afraid to involve the police further if you need to for your own security.

Thanks for the sound advise.
I will call my solicitors tomorrow from the airport. Of course I did not think about sorting things out from DBs.
All that is left in the house is clothes and furniture. I cleared out all my precious belongings when I left last week. Everything else is not important, and I would hate my parents or friends to go round there and he was there. Or, maybe I can get a bigger group to go together.
He used a kichen knife to cut himself, but it was very superficial. Neighbour said he looked like he had not even broken the skin.

Oh god how awful. You poor thing. Hope you're having a fab time in SF now though.

Don't send your mum round unless she goes accompanied by a policeman.

Of course the Tosser didn't hurt himself. He was never going to do that. The kitchen knife was to make it look good, that's all. Breaking the skin hurts, so it's unlikely he did more than that, if indeed he did that much. He's a really nasty piece of work.

What a petulant little drama queen he is!!! Sorry honey - have a lovely break. Clothes etc can be replaced.

Oh dear god, it's even worse than I imagined.

Stay away from him, don't go near him, move the horse, move everyone and everything he knows of. LOG the threats with your solicitor, get them logged with the Police, tell the police everything, call and use every resource you can to create the mother of all papertrails.

The more evidence, the more strength you will have in court if and when it comes to that. I suggest you apply for a non-molestation order against him.

You have no kids, so no need to have anything to do with him, you can place a charge on the house if there is any equity in it, and you wil be automatically paid out when he sells it.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

I just wanted to say that it is because of the advise on here from all of you who have posted that has given me the strength and insight to leave.
A while back it was said that if he says he will hurt himself he would not.
When he was crying through the door I felt my resolve leaving me. I almost opened up to talk to him.
Then he said that he could not live without me and would kill himself right outside the door, so I would have to step over his body when I came out and realise this is because of me.
I remembered what was written on here and called for help instead. Without that I would have moved the barricade and hugged him with all my heart. Or worse, I would have been hurt with that knife.

Thank you all!

I too have started to realise there is always a script with men like that!

First I want to say OMG what an absolute bastard he is, I'm so sorry you had to go through that today. Are you sure he tracked you? could he not have asked the neighbour to contact him if you came to the house? and gave them a load of BS why they should.

Second I want to give you a huge hug and say well done for not opening that door, it must have been so hard while he was begging and pulling at your heart strings.
As others have said NEVER go back there without a police escort, they should be fine to accompany you as it's on record now after what he done today.
Enjoy your trip hun, have a fab time with your brother, rest, relax and come back stronger and ready to sort this bastard out and keep him out of your life for good xxx

I really don't think it was my neighbour. She has been brilliant!

She is quite a bit older and on her own, from what I gather she was in a terrible relationship all her life until he passed away a few years ago. She was always coming over for tea and biscuits and when ever I spoke about what me and H were going through she encouraged me to 'seek happiness within'.
That is her favourite saying?

She was the one who called the police so I really can not believe she would tell him I was there. I had one of those apps to tell you where your mobile is if you lose it, I think it must be from that. But, I just do not know.

So exhausted from the whole thing. If someone had said to me a few years ago this is what will come of it...I would have laughed them out of town.

It is really dawning on me just how far the abuse went. I was the outgoing bubbly Tigger that laughed 20 times a day, easy come, easy go...stay shanti etc. I want her back!

There certainly are mobile apps which track where the mobile is, they've been used on here to pinpoint the OW's house! Unfortunately on this occasion, they were used to track you.

Tigger, you must feel like your life resembles a bad dream and can't be real, but you are still the same strong fun-loving person inside, you just need a break and a pause to find her again. She isn't lost, honest!

Ah Tigger it doesn't sound like her then.
When everything settles you won't need to FIND the bubbly outgoing Tigger again, she''ll return by herself because there's no oppressive bastard making her life hell any more. x

mumsy and don you made me cry.

In a nice way x