What ho Tigger - very glad to hear you're going home, you def will benefit from some TLC.
What I found helpful to remember is, actually, it's ok to feel things as long as you don't validate them. So, it's entirely normal that you would feel panicky and doubtful and that maybe it was all blown out of proportion because it has taken a long time to get to this point, many years of training if you like, you won't be able to just decide to 'snap out of it' but what you can do is recognise those feelings for what they are. Give yourself time to let them pass and make a promise to yourself that you wont re-act only act. Don't feel pressured to react to a situation immediately, step away, take the time to get past the kneejerk anxiety of it and act when you are good and ready.
It's highly likely that you will find he will apply increasing pressure to try and nip your emerging confidence in yourself in the bud. To get you back because you're his and he hasn't given permission for any of this to happen and he is unable to look to himself for the source of these problems. Be prepared - what this means is mentally prepare yourself and batten down the emotional hatches. What we all have to recognise is our love, the selfless, good love we give is not the love that's given back to us - often love is the very opposite of what is actually felt - remembering what is being talked about when 'I love you' is said is helpful. It sounds wrong to do but consciously ''translate'' what the meaning of the words are, don't let them reach into your heart and pluck the strings as if they were coming from a healthy place that is looking out for you.
So I love you often becomes - I own you.
How can you do this to me - "How dare you think you can do this to me" (imagine if you went to turn your tv off and instead it spoke to you and said 'I don't think so - how about you go and clean my screen, do something useful' you would be gobsmacked and think the world had turned upside down - impossible! That's how they feel about us).
I'll kill myself and it's all your fault - "I'll show you, how would that make you feel huh, all your fault - like everything else, remember that." He'd never sacrifice the wonderous him if he couldn't get an audience to witness how it's all down to you- that's never going to happen is it!
All the ''nice'' things he'll say - "I'll start the apology cycle that has always worked before because she couldn't possibly leave me if I don't want her to." This is actually the path of least resisitance because access to that side of him you love will weaken your resolve faster.
You have the right to self-determination - if you want to strip naked and go live in an old shoebox with only bees for company, well that's nobodies business but your own. Everyone that loves you will have seen how you've changed, it's harder for us to see as we live very much in the present - the change back, reclaiming yourself piece by piece will throw your previous actions into sharp bass relief and people will have more evidence this was right and therefore keep helping you to move on. It will be hard and you will suffer some sleepless nights but this doesn't mean you aren't worth it - think of it like giving up any other addiction - it's difficult as your brain works against you but you know being clean & sober will save you from misery, illness or death.
You know you can do it Tigger - you aren't alone and don't have to deal with anything alone - keep using other people's strength until your own is unshakable!