Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

relief! she texted me as normal so thank God she is not angry or hasn't suspected anything - either overlooked it or she's not sure whether i looked or not.

good luck for today! it is really your turn tbf
It wasn't a friendly chatty text, something practical but if she thought I looked and was upset about it she would have challenged me I'm sure, or been very off in texts - she sent another one since confirming some arrangements for next meeting so obviously she's not so pissed off as to not want to see me there again. I do NOT have nerves of steel - I looked quite brieflly (didn't look at old er messages which I could ve done but decided not to chance it time wise) only because she was for sure out of the room for a while. Pleased I looked? hmm, this could be also bad from the point of view that she wanted me to know she's dating instead of telling ,e I'm barking pu the wrong tree, but I doubt it because they were too sexual (I would understand if she wanted me to see juts someone arranging dates). lso she could have told ne she's going on a date - last time when i asked if she's going to a party when she dressed up (I knew sje wasneeting the man but wanted t see if she tells me), but she said 'it's only drinks' and looked away, slightly awkwardly as if she was a bit embarassed. So no I dont think she wanted me to see anything. Mind you I 'm sureshe knowsthat I guessed - she just doesn't want to talk about dating with me. Bar that story of a guy chatting her up in a bar (but that was nothing 'real').
I've asked her a trivial question (friendly) in responseto the practical text, see if she ignores it - if not and if she's friendly next time we see each other I will then tell her (or write to her), but if she is more distant than usual then no, I wouldn't tell yet, I need her to be in the right mood. That's hte problem with letters - she may not be in the mood, at least by text you can send one first andsee how she responds to know the mood and send more. It's best to just trell her of course - I think the impact would be bigger, and I could see her reaction, no room for diplomacy then! but I really don't know whether opportunity presents when she has time, is in the warm mood, and no one else around (they often are).

why are you wondering? did you try to talk today with bad result?
You've done the right thing, and although I did think you should talk to her next, not wait till she approaches you again, it hasn't been long, as you say just 10 days. I think it does need to be mpre frequent, your chats, 10 ndays is too long, but it's not late to speed it up, plus I though you did smile during the 10 days - so it's nothing disastrous. If she is nice next time you talk (if not today, try tomorrow), then you need to be in comntact more, as not much time left and you did agree to be friendly. Even if she's not interested you could just keep it friendly, at least here is a chance then.

sorry fo typos - in a big rush, be back later.

why second guess what she does on Friday though? Just go and chat and don't EXPECT a bad reaction. I think you aer picking up on her vibes but she may be picking up on yours - and they ANXIOUS at the moment, which she may not understand as she was nice to you recently. Maybe you look at her anxciously and she doesn't know what this means 0or you look a bit tortured) - just make an effort to be neutral and smiley as if you aer just fiendly, it can't be bad, then see what she's like in response. But don't psass negative vibes to her as she may miread them as you not likking her or expecting something from her. You know, positive vibes often make someone respond more positively. It works with my wiq most of the time - though not ALWAYS (like she's beeing iff with me on the same day after being very warm. You have to stop taking it personally every time - I mean if she did it every time then it's personal, if say today she's off it may that she is unwell, or has some problens or generally not in good mood - I've learned that with my wiq (and she did say that it's not personal when i texted her why was she annoyed - she said 'life happens' - that's what i mean no one is in good mood every day and I'm also as sensitive as you but I've learned that you can go crazy if you take it personally every time. You just have to try again and try to be nice and then maybe her vibe will improve. If you try a few tomes and it doesn't work, then yes, she doesn't want any contact. I still get very upset when wiq is off but I still pick up the pieces and try again, though I really have to assess soon whether it's all for nothing in my case! But with you I really worry that you just project low confidence to her and trying toplease to much - and yes, maybe she would prefer faster reactions (I would!) after she'd been nice - not immediately next day but at least after two more meetings - the thing is yo just don't have time to space it out. You don't have anything to lose to respond faster, if she likes you she'd be pleased, if not - the slowness wouldn't help anyway. So without jumping with pleased reaction just try to intiate being nice sooner, like next day. She may be a person who likes instant gratification after an effort (I'm a bit like hat again), it's important you operate on similar speed if not exactly the same. try to forget for now that she was rude, you agreed to be friendy now!

..and if she is being rude when you come up - or not say hi when walking past, then at least you know that you need to forget it, as you have to care for yourself too - then just don't speak to her anymore. But as i say, give it a chance first with positive vibes as there is definitile a lot more in your head then in reality. AT least if you ACT you know what is happening but if you don't it's ALL in your head.

it is NOT obvious or extreme to ask someone 'how are you'! as far as you don't do pleading look! practice to say it casually with a light smile. As to whether to say just hi or more - can you see first what she is like, i.e. is she in a rysh, does she look in ok mood? Or maybe say casual hello and then if she responds in friendly or neutral way then ask how she is. If she's in a rush or notin the nood you will see that quickly. Do you have to quickly talk when she's coming out of the door or does she linger usually doing something with the kids so that you can pick your moment?
I know how you feel as I'm in same boat with the first attempt of gay r-ship and not knowing how wiq feels (the difference is that I didn't tell my wiq how I felt and you did) - I think your is actually quite cruel to never respond to that with yes or no (can you remind what exactly she said when you told her, I can't remember exactly apart from her saying she had a BF).

and it is good that she kept eye contact for few secs - what was her expression?

so if there were parents around, do you mean someone could hear that conversation? if yes then it's obvious she denied it and then was scared to approach as she knew it was unfair and deceiving towards you (she could ve said 'can we talk later' if she was worried about people). Or as we said before she is just weird and some sort of game player who played with you but didn't mean anything. But it could be first option of she saw you were furious.
Yes try to chat or ask 'how ae you' when she is on her own tomorrow - that's a good idea and she won;t be in a rush. Just make it light hearted, pretend to be for a minute. She may get scared by intensity. If she is careful but nice that's good, if she is again 'rabbit in headlights' and tried to leave quickly - then really you need to decide she's not interested and it was some game in the past. She culd ve experimented with idea of same sex thing in the past with you but purely theoretically in her head and hence the looks - it COULD happen, so if she is running away now it means she dropped the idea. So be brave and chat hen she is on her own. Iknow it's humoliating but at least no one would know and it can't be any worse than what already happened - especially as you are not confessing again hust asking frienbdly question. It's interesting to see what she replies. She may be embarassed for her experiments btw and in this case she would want just friendliness but may feel 'guilty' still, so assume she is trying to be friendly and not anything more - if it IS more it will be a nice surprise.

oh no! just wrote a long post with some new info and got bloody logged out! will have to recover now and retype soon! sh*t!
meanwhile how did it go today outmy?

how did you manage to to see her though?
no I wasn't planning to tell her anything today as it was touch and go whjether I'll see her at all if I did it would be very brief. The info is not great at all - I had another 'treat' (after reading messages), seeing them together in a cafe today! isn't life cruel! I mean I obviously know she's seeing someone but when it's in your face it's so painful!! I mean they were not kissing or even laughing but still, pretty sure it's him, he's very short and recently she's taken to wearing flat shoes even in the evening, now I know why! (yes, you have to find a funny side somewhere!). He's not ugly or unpleasant but my first reaction was he's not in her league iykwim, though he does look intelligent and she likes brainy men, but still, they look odd together..It could ne that it's a friend but I dount it. There were two other negative things. First, I was held up a bit and she said that she may be in but may already leave if I'm really late so I can let myself in. I wasn't really late, missed her by 15 min (was really hoping to see her) - I was only picking smth of mine up. If she wanted to see me, wouldn't she wait these 15 min and asked him to wait in a cafe /9it was only lunch) - I mean yes it's not perfectly polite but he wouldn't be standing somewhere - so he's a priority, not me. Second, she knew I'd be most likely passing by this cafe, and I didn't knowshe was there but somehow (my intuition is just unbelievable lately) I thought I must look trough the window as she may be there with someone. So I did look when walking and she was there - with him, but she was shileding her face with one hand as if absorbed in some papers (I couldn't see the papers but to be fair she often has paperwork or diary etc with her - aybe they are doing some organising together) - he was just looking at her and did glance briefly at me as I half stopped in case she looks up and waves to me). I would ve NEVER gone in and started taling to her when she's in company, so I'm paranoid now whether she was shileding her face in hope I don't recognise her and won;t intrude on them - charming! what kind of opinion of me she has then! All I'd dome is briefly wave back if she did. He might have told her that someone is looking in as if an acquitance but she didn't look up still so I don't know. Literally her face was hidden fromn view but I still knew it was her. Or was she embarassede that I will her with her man? in which case they could have sat away from the window..Maybe I'm paranoid and she did genuinely looked at paperwork, but it wasn't great. You say sorry to me outmy - as I'm not the same, going round in circles and playing ten scenarious in my head! I'm also worried that she was only ok asshe wanted me to pick up my stuff but may be abgry about messages and now will cut contact! I don't think so as there were friendly trivial texts late last night

the thing logged me put again! why does it do it avery 15 min?
copied most of the post thankfull and pasted, but not the last bit.
I was saying, do you think it's crazy to hope now that she is involved with the guy? I justify it by the fact that she may still be attracted but see him as a safe andsolid option? familiar thing, socially not awkward? Even though I still do get vibes on and off? My first instinct was to fight for wiq when i got all this evidence - I don't know they look odd together, like she's far too good for him! I want to convey somehow that I'd be good for her, caring, not just after sex , not as hard workj as a man (he's older than her even)..if only she let me but she is being sensible it seems and there aer vibes but also barriers. I wisj I knew that the reason was her lack of confidence due to age gap - but I don't know it could be actually that she has no attraction anbd I'm mistaken. You see I'm the same as you - it's bloody impossible to understan sometimes what's going on ! I was thinking that if today i see her and there is a right moment I would blurt something out - was practicing possible phrases, but now I will see her (small chance) only on monday briefly or if not then 10 days time! she could get even more involved by then. I know for a fact he's bot staying nights at her place, but who knows where it goes. I need to act quickly or leave it to a chance htat she will get bored with him. Not great is it?

ok, she's not in a huff - gor text again. Phew some small relief.

I meant 'how did you manage Not to see her' as you said you would and also thought you see her dasily anyway. will respond a bit later.

daily

quickly - just have a chat, why wait ill next week - it's already been a couple of weeks! unless she looks very cold when you say hi - in which case ask did she have a very busy day as looks a bit stressed /tired (instead of looking as if you take it personally).