Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

Yes, my mum says it's because of my dd she's upset, but really dd will be okay. It will be tough adjusting once we move but she's a happy kid and dh and I will do our utmost to keep her happy. Really I think my mum is just projecting her unhappiness onto dd. She is embarrassed and ashamed. Her values lie in how one appears to society.

Yes, I've noticed the same thing with friends wondering if I fancy them, both straight and lesbian friends. Some have asked straight out, and I've told them 'no', others I've had to send more subtle 'I'm not after you' signals to, others I've pre-empted the question by telling them I don't fancy them in a jokey way asap after telling them.

it did make me smile, that sentence about 'something there with you as well..why asssume she'll choose him'! I like your optimism! The hting is I'm worrued she's a but like Myelin's mum - well not as bad but still ruled by what she apperas like to society, and could be ashamed of her secret feelings, from that point of view she COULD xhoose the man if she can go both ways (which to be fair usually isn't the case i.e. she either fancies him more, or me, unlikely to be equal!). I still look at attractive men (mostly young) but this doesn't compare at all to how i feel about her, and also I would jusat feel weird going on a date with a man now that I'm interested in her. I could go out with my male friend, but no one sees this as dates. She obviously shared with herfriends last week that she's going on a date, she must have felt excited to share it? Although it could be that they asked how is her personal life going and she did say something just not to appear 'not out there' but then I don't get why would she wear a sexy dress to these drinks with the man if she wasn't at least considering it may be something with potential? I mean at a push i could go out with someone just to distract but not really, wouldn't dress up in dresses that's for sure. I just find the logic a bt strange with 'getting in there first' - if she feels somehting towards him, to me it means she wants a man, so how can i get in htere if she wants a man?? I will try to ask though no guarantee she'll answer.
So aer you saying she was walking past you a lot just two months ago? then why did it stop, as you aer also saying that recently she didn't walk past, you did? apart fronm the talk! if you are both used not to catch each other's eye then of course she may not look at you when in a busy situation. That's why I still think you just have to wait till this all stops with being in same place every day where she can't express anything for professional reasons. Was she ever flirty in front of others in hte past? or still only flirty when there were very few people around? I think you should give more signals now (eye contact, calm smile) when shedes look - but you could go and chat to her too, don't keave it to her for weeks. I don't think still that episode was important because you already put yourself on the line before so why should you be annoyed at her walking past? maybe she realised she was being a pain if she saw you! anyway you made amove now, so just try and watch patiently for a bit, and maybe a small chat soon if she doesn't start.

Myelin - do you have any plan where to meet women? it's quite tough - it'd be good if you did fancy an existing gay friend! are you fussy though? do you even have a type?

outmy - I put it in the wrong way, I meant not 'why did it stop' two months ago (her walking past you a lot) but why didn't you respond - or did you in some way? before that rolling eyes episode? I thought she didn't show any signals for a long time as you said recently that you aer hoping cased on nothing that happened recently, just on what 's gone on ages ago!

No plan, Likea.
I have been to one lesbian club night (alone) which was really fun, and a concert where I got chatting to some lesbians. Tbh, much as I can't wait to have a gf, I'm not really in a position to get into anything heavy right now. I'm studying until October and until that is out of the way I simply don't have the time to spare.

No, unlikely to be any existing lesbian friends as they are all in v long term relationships and mostly not my type.

My type is mainly based on personality traits I want in a partner, but there are certain looks which would be an added bonus!

I think I probably would be quite fussy, it's not worth wasting time on someone who's not right.

Myelin, I wonder what finally swung it for you towards woman - you say personality most important, so is it something that's absent in men in their behaviour/attotude that made you finally turn, or was it the sexual side mainly that you lost interest in?

I think I've always found something lacking emotionally in men, but it was only last year that I started thinking about women (3 in particular) in a sexual way. I've had romantic feelings toward women before but they hadn't become properly sexual.
Once that change happened I realised that being with a man would never be fulfilling for me.

thre at the same time? greedy ! but can you pinpoimt why suddenly you felt the attraction? was it following getting bored sexually with men? or something emotional lacking in hetero sex? or was it purely the age thing whereyou are not thinking of children so kind of feel adventurous? sorry if this is too much, or if you can't answer.

outmy at your mum!! even gay women?? not sure that conversation will ever occur at this rate! unless you atsrt living with a woman and she visits - then again you can say that a friend is staying, as who wants her fury! sounds like she hardly visits anyway..
I wonder what my mum's reaction would be - she's definitile not disgusted and is a tolerant person, but I'm worried that she wouldn't want this for me iykwim, she still thinks I need another husband (even though I won't behaving kids) so she is quite conventional. I wouldn't tell any other older relatives, well maybe just the aunt, they aer in diff countries anyway. Mind you, if nothing ever happens with wiq I may well date men again but so far it just feels so 'removed' from my reality.
outmy, sorry I was tired yesterday and messed up the last part of the post. I really don;t undrstand why was she angry and deliberately showing it too! It can be out of frustration with you, that you didn't respond to her hovering! but it's just irratoinal as you approached her openly before with your letter and the talk. I just don;t get it! Unless you misread the hovering and she didn't want any approaches at all - and was warning you off with this glaring. With you wiq it's either an strong attraction and frustration with you and herself - or it's complete disinterest and annoyance, nothing inbetween as an option! All you can do is wait, but it could still be the first option because she WAS very nice recently, lets hope it wasn't a one-off! I think you will know if you try to come up and say something trivial to her in a week or whenever you feel is right, and see her expression - just try to watch the first reaction- is it annoyance or a genuine smile/pleased expression. It's easy to put a mask later but try to look in her face in the first minute.

unless you start*

Yes, 3!! Well, 2 were kind of at the same time, met them at a weekend away. One I really liked her personality, the other was incredibly hot looks wise and had an irresistibly mean streak in her personality that made me laugh. At that point I hadn't realised I was a lesbian properly, not until I me ex-WIQ. She knocked me off my feet from day 1 and she hadn't even said a word to me! She was the one to make me truly realise there was no other way for me now.

I had been emotionally unfulfilled with dh for a very long time, I knew it but didn't know why. Age and growing confidence I think helped me come out of denial, frankly I'm not sure I could have coped with the shit from my mum before I'd had dd and become a stronger person.

Outmy Sorry to hear what your mother is like, sounds crappy.

Myelin, so it was looks/glamour with wiq as you didn't even speak to her? or did you observe her with others? I don't know, but to me it's really important how a woman sounds (well, with men used to be also but less somehow) - I don't mean just accent but what she talks about/personalilty. And as you are talking of emotional fulfilment, I think you have to be careful not to go just for looks (though obv if you now in hte mood to experiment then it's your choice!).

I don't know exactly what came first with wiq. I know the first time I met her she was wearing a striking pair of tights on her gorgeous legs and I briefly heard her lovely voice, I felt a visceral reaction to her and initially didn't know what it was.

I then spent a bit of time around her and became completely infatuated with her. I assumed it would fade, but it didn't.

She's a lovely person, but she would never look twice at me in that way. She's not single anyway.

I'm pretty sure my infatuation with her will fade once I meet someone I can actually have a real relationship with. Gorgeous as she is, she's not the only tasty woman in the world and I will get over her.

well, it's great that you've moved on - I remember how desperate you felt about her! you are a very sensible positive person quite obviously.
I think I'd find it extremely hard to move on because (in comparison with what you said about wiq) firstly, she could fancy me (i.e, she's not much more good looking, some would say less so) and she is single (I prey that this doesn't change) and I do think we'd be right for each other as people even though on the surface we aer not an obvious match - to me this justmakes it more exciting. I absolutely dread the possibility that i will have to move on (to another person whatever the gender)!

I already mentioned this, but if one of us was a man (but you know similar type in looks and personality) we'd be all over each other very soon after meeting! there is just something deep with the chemistry, she may be just not considering (or hiding her head in the sand at best) if she's dead against same-sex thing.

I'm afraid I havent really kept up with your full story likea, but I do always get the sense that you are living in eternal hope that your WIQ will one day reciprocate your feelings. I do hope you get what you want.

Hi everyone. Glad the thread is still going. Must try and catch up as a bit behind with everyone's stories.

Myelin. I couldn't live in eternal hope - I sense that very soon my situation will become clear or at least ther will be a leap ieither way! I can't put my life on hiold forever. As I didn;t see wiq regularly over htese months things couldn't move fast, but I now know her for 9 months (outmy knows her wiq 3yrs! - I couldn't wait this long) - I think my wiq either already started to have feelings for me or she never will, so no I don;t just hopo that one day she magically does, I just didn';t have the courage to find out so far, because i thought it could be a subtle process with her and i dint want to rush it. After all many people dither for about a year, not abnormal. I will ask her very soon (in a letter mos tlikely) if she doesn't tell me herself!

Loveis - hello! nothing radical to catch up on, but slight shfts for everyone, Caonima's is at the moment most exciting to read.

I do hope your situation is resolved soon likea. Preferably in a positive way!

thanks, and I hope you'll meet your woman soon!

Hi everyone. How are you all doing?

I don't have very much to update on. WIQ has been away for a week now, so one sixth of the total time she'll be gone. We've been chatting on Skype, iMessage and emailing every day, which I'm really happy about, but it is so hard not having her here. I am used to seeing her practically every day - speaking to her when I wake up, spending every evening with her, texting before bed. Every street in the city is marked by memories of her.

God, how dramatic do I sound? I really need to get a grip. I've been really affectionate in my emails, telling her how much I miss her, etc. Obviously she's on holiday in her home country and having fun with her old friends and her dad, and it's great that she's keeping in touch so regularly, but I just really miss her. I miss the way she smiles at me, her dirty laugh, the way her wrist curves back as she smokes a cigarette, the jade pin she uses to tie up her hair. Argh. I miss being at her house and hearing her call me by the nickname she uses for me, and the way she cups her hands around mine when I light her cigarette. I miss the way we say goodbye when I leave her house, through the grille of her door.

I promise I'll read back over the thread this weekend and see how everyone is doing. Life is in a weird stasis right now, but I need to throw myself back into things.