Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

outmy, so are you planning to walk past her as you said before? how often can you see her? yes, all three option can be true about your wiq, you've covered them all . So you now have six weeks and should give it yr best shot. Maybe by now you will manage not to frezze as much? just rehearse at home what would you say if she again strats talking to you, or what to say if you walk past, it really helps. At worst you can always leave her with your number by he end of the six weeks. When you locked your eyes in the beginning, who initiated it?
I did lock eyes with wiq quite a few times by now, there were some breaks in contact inbetween so it's a pity it couldn't be smoothly built up as every time aftre a break it sort of needs building up again. Last sunday just when i saw her (and it's been a mnth since last meeting) I really couldn't stop looking into her eyes while grinning in a very happy way, and she didn't look away for a while. Thn it happened again when talking about thos guy (I started bot though). But she is hte one who looks away evetually. It happened before as well, and couple of times itwas her whop started. As sucj it hasn't led anywhere though. I think I need to do something else apar from this, as we can look at each other forever at this rate! Touching - I'm really terrified of, that's wher i do freeze as there is never situations where it would be natural and it can be intrusive if she doesn't want it. I never touched her by intiative, she once did when saying goodbye (tap on the arm), I feel like I can't really bear it without blushing a lot or something. I will see what the reaction is to texts and the rest next time, and possibly will either try a touch or to say more/text more.

Hello everyone! Hope all is well.

I am at WIQ's now - I think I'm going to tell her tonight. Somehow the vibe feels right. I came over to see her as she's not feeling well and I brought her some flowers, which she loved.

Every day since splitting with my ex-boyfriend, I feel stronger and more honest. Even if things go wrong with WIQ, I know I'll be able to deal with it (eventually!)

hi Caonima, hopefully this time nothing intervenes with your plan finally ! i think whatever exactly happens it will be positive in some way, as you say. I hope she reciprocates though, v.curious as my wiq is also 20yrs older, personally I'm interested if she will bring up the age gap. wishing you well.

I am so angry and disappointed in myself! I totally failed to tell her, and last night would have been the perfect opportunity. We spent the whole evening lying on her sofa (not hugging or anything, but not minding if our limbs touched), talking.

Since she hasn't been feeling well, the vibe was very low-key. She was wearing silk pyjamas and her hair was all long and loose, and she looked so beautiful I could hardly stand to look away from her.

What stops me every time (and I've said this so many times before) is fear that I will lose her as a friend. Looking around her house last night, and spending time with her, I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky I am that she has welcomed me into her life and cultivated a friendship with me. She is totally amazing - a respected expert in her field, with a house full of beautiful art.

I hate the fact that I haven't been able to tell her yet. It's dragging on, and there really is a time-limit with her leaving the country on Friday for 6 weeks. I might draft a letter and see how it goes. I'm possibly going round to hers this afternoon to work on some writing.

Hope all is well with everyone else!

Capnima, I do know how easy it is to lose one's nerve even after preparing for the talk! it's really scary. I think if I was inyour situstion though, I'd have told her by now. Not only she wants to see you nearly on everyday basis, you also spend a lot of time going out and talking, I'm not sure whether she has many friends like this?! I mean to me it looks like you mught be not purely a friend in her eyes. You never know maybe she'll beat you to it, and will tell you something first! Allowing you in on the sofa when she's fragile and not well, is quite intimate btw. Plus she did say she could consider involvement with a woman friend! If neither of you can say anything, definitely leave a letter before she goes abroad.

Thanks, Like - that's good advice. I totally should have told her by now. It's ridiculous, but I'm worse than Hamlet when it comes to making any significant moves in life when it comes to admitting things or doing things!

I'm at her place again now. She's going to a cocktail party for a couple of hours, but has said I can stay here and work on my novel while she's out. I'll keep you posted!

Wow... ok, so something incredibly hot / exciting / mortifying / confusing just happened. She was getting ready for the cocktail party, and came onto the terrace to ask which shoes she should wear. She was wearing this AMAZING dress - black lace and totally see-through at the top. She has a great body, and looked just incredible. I told her she should wear the black patent stilettos.

She asked if I thought the dress was too much for a cocktail party, and I just shook my head and said "You look so hot."

She said it was a shame that all the guys at the party were gay...

Then she asked me to help her do up the top buttons of her dress, and my fingers were shaking as I touched her neck. My fingers were freezing cold.

She was in kind of a frivolous mood, as this is the first time for a while that she's felt well enough to go out to a party.

She's gone now, and I'm on her terrace. I'm about to make myself a strong drink... I don't know whether I should stay here until she gets back - she's only going to stay at the party for an hour to see an old friend.

God, she TOTALLY must know the effect she has on me. She knows I'm gay. This is so confusing.

Hi All,
I just joined mumsnet specifically to post on this thread.
I've realised at the ripe old age of 44 that I'm gay.
I'm shitting myself.
There is no specific woman, does that exclude me?
ss x

Caonima - did you discuss before that you aer gay, and your r-ships? I can't remember that. thought you were bi. To me it looks like she's encouraging you and even provoking you, possibly she wants you to say something. The gay couple could ve mentioned what you told them or at least smth on those lines. I think she's not confident to start anything as she thinks it's up to you being more experienced.
Squashed - welcome! How did you realise, if no specific woman -just gone off men i assume? or your fantasies took this turn? of course it doesn't exclude you as some posters will stay gay even if the specific woman wouldn't respond to their interest. It IS scary - personally i'm scared that if my wiq isn't interested I may be left in this strange grey area where i've gone off men largely (thanks to her) yet I'm not interested in another woman apart from her, but this could be possible now due to all the mental adjustments I've been making.

Hi Tonne (may I call you that?) :)
With out wanting to give TMI, I have always fantasised about women when having sex.
When I split up with my male partner two years ago, I suddenly realised that I didn't have to do this anymore.
I have never had sex with a woman (GULP)
With your situation, I'm sure if you found one woman attractive, another is possible. It is a HUGE adjustment, isn't it? x

a bit unusual but you can call me tonne if you like . I don't know - may find one attractive but for me to shift my whole identity I have to be in love/emotional (like I am about this wiq). I'm surprised you only now felt like you don't have to stay with male partners if ALWAYS fantasised (I didn't, though I do notice women) - was he your only partner, possibly - and stayed for the kids? (then not so surprised). I also never had sex with a woman but now due to wiq I actually had a couple os sexual dreams (one with anonyous woamn) which i think it's just me trying to imagine it - it kind of worked though felt like I needed to learn. I think if you meet someone who you aer excited about, and it's mutual, it will be quite easy iykwim. The issue is meeting such a woman, who really rocks your boar AND is also bi/gay. If you have to pursuade a non gay woman (or at least one who's curious) that's harder and scarier - I'm in that position, if of course wiq will show clear interest as I'm scared my clumsiness could put her off and she will also not have a clue. So yes, I understand. Are you thinking of trying gay dating sites? could be a good start.

boat not boar!

Likeatonneofbricks,
Well, you don't know if she isn't gay or bi, lord knows no one knew about me. That sounds a bit patronising, wasn't meant to be so.
When you have processed your emotions around this do you think another person will appeal? (Resists the urge to say women are like buses, there will be another along in a minute) :)
Why did I stay? Well my partner was lovely. We didn't have kids but we were together a long time. I have a complicated back story but this isn't the place.
Please keep us posted,

so aer you thinking of a plan now?
yes, I don't know wheether she's bi - I think she is, or is curious from various vibes/looks, she's not gay of course as she was married but also dated a man recebtly (not serious but still). BUT i could be mistaken and her curiosity is not strong enough to act on..I don't like the fact that although she seems to respond sometimes to my glances/smiles/chat on personal subjects, she never really intiates anything herself (well, bar a couple of long looks but they aer not neccessarily sexual), and never asked me once about my r-ship history or present, all that really does bother me.

Welcome squashed - don't worry, there seems to be quite a few of us who change tack midlife.

Well I am crap at picking up people's signals. Be they male or female. I haven't read your earlier posts, have you discussed your sexuality (in general terms, nothing to do with her) at all?
Crushes are awful. Particularly life changing ones.
Feel free to PM me, I think we are hijacking this thread :)

God, that wasn't a come on BTW. See how clumsy I am? :)

hijacking? hardly ! I'm one of the veterans on this thread and the ones leading to this - I've been posting since last October! too late to think now that it's a hijack! a lot of posters come and feel free to write the details and discuss. Some pm too so don't worry not clumsy!
I can't just suddenly discuss my sexuality, she's much older and we aer not very close friends, i don't see her daily. It wd be odd - I'm thinking of possibly asking her whether she waas ever involved ith a woman. As far as I'm concerned I have nothing much to say about my sexuality as i was hetero so far, and it's her who spurred this on - I'm 40ish by te way - so to open this topic means talking about her.

Hello OutMyMind!

Welcome, Squashed - great to have you with us. I have also just realised that I'm gay, after years of thinking I was bisexual and having hetero relationships. It's liberating as much as it is confusing.

LikeATonne - I have discussed my sexuality a lot with her. Since breaking up with my ex-BF, I've sarted to think that I may actually be gay and not bisexual, and we've talked about this.

I stayed at hers last night until she came home from the party around midnight. She was in a taxi and realised she didn't have any money on her, so I went down and paid the driver. She was tipsy and happy after the party, and it felt really intimate as we walked through the corridors of her building back to her apartment. We had one drink together before I left, and she told me about the party. Despite having spent the previous four hours vowing that I would tell her how I felt, once again I just couldn't do it.

At the door when I left, we kissed on both cheeks as usual. We stood chatting for a bit longer, and then kissed again. She has a busy week this week before she leaves on Friday, but I'll definitely be seeing her on Tuesday night at a lecture. I might tell her that I need to talk to her about something afterwards. We talked about me going round to hers on Friday to help her pack. She said that was either a great idea or a bad idea, and I'm trying to get my head around that statement!

Caonima - why couldn't you do it? I always feel that if anything will be said by me diectly to wiq it would be when she's drunk, she's so much warmer and more approachable then . Much harder when someone is busy or distracted and in a generally less romantic daytime mood. Not sure what she meant by packing = but be sure to leave her a letter before she goes if you can't talk to her, as you'd be tortured if you don't! If you discussed your sexuality in such detail (didyou volunteer this?), then OF COURSE she knows you must be attracted, and what with the 'hot' comments and shaking fingers she couldn't doubt it at all. I think - as she's inexperienced - she may be waitingf for you to make a proper pass at her, or to say something, as you aer the one who's sure that you are gay, and she's only curious (possibly),

what i mean to say she shows a lot of encuragement and looks like she's got attached to you on some level, but asking to do up hte dress - she didn't have to did she (same as kissing twice).

encouragement