Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

outmy, I'm only now starting to be more confident with wiq as far as showing how I feel, but it's only because I had a lot more contact withher than you with your wiq, and know a lot about her (though she still doesn't know much about me as far history of r-sships etc). I still don't feel comletly at ease of btazen by all means! I think your wiq also made it difficult with all the flirting and touching you when passing by, and then telling you she has a bf. Other wiqs aer more sane iykwim! Caonima is in the best position as they ork together and talk a lot very often, of course she had a chance to build up some confidence, and her wiq is NICe and encouraging to her (all the texts, dinner invites etc) - if your wiq was like that, of course you'd be more confident. It would be good though if you went out and distracted yourself a bit. In my case it was oppsite - I only started questioning my sexuality after I met wiq and was so drawn to her, before that I had some thoughts but nothing to stop and think really. Not that will ever see myself as gay as such as I still can look at some men and find hem attractive, I just don't want to do anything about it due to feelings for wiq.
Caonima, good luck for tmwr, I do believe you! i wonder why was she so touchy about the gays not coming to dinner. She sounds quite sensitive so may actually be good with another woman iykwim.
outmy I'm glad you think that about wiq mulling it over, what do you think I should look out for next time? I mean if she's not interested I think she's be obviously nice and polite but very 'at an arm's length', but if she was wondering in a positive direction, what to look for? she did say that she doesn't like being nasty to people, you know, when she was talking about that guy chatting her up, so she won't be nasty to me either, but that also makes it more difficult to read correctly.

brazen*

as far as after mulling it over she doesn't text or phone me to say that it's best not to meet anymore!

Hi everyone . Glad this thread is still going.
Hello Likea - sounds like you've stepped things up since we last chatted which is good. Really wish your WIQ would give some clearer signals.
Outmy - if it's any consolation I was completely straight (or so I thought) when I met my WIQ. When we got together she blew that idea right out of the water and although I still don't feel gay so to speak, I am obviously not entirely straight either! She feels the same. It's much easier not to try and put a label on yourself (however much other people might want to). As we have said before on this thread, sexuality is a fluid thing (esp with women) and one day you might be totally hetero and the next, not as hetero as you thought. There seem to be A LOT of women (right here on this thread for example, but also I know a couple in RL) who switch mid-life and take up with a woman. It might be a temporary thing or you might never look back. Women can connect on a much deeper level emotionally and this seems to be the trigger and missing link perhaps in terms of a r-ship with a man. Obv not with all men but with some...
Caonima - good luck with your confession. Sounds very promising. Can't wait to hear what your WIQ says.

outmy, I'm so grateful to you for really paying attention and responding to my dilemmas in this detailed way - I really need this now and absorb every word you say , as no one in rl to share this with apart from a male friend who knows but isn't available to talk often (married and busy) plus your replies as a woman are much more thoughtful and his are useful but a bit simplistic. Unsurprisingly he gives davice on th lines how a man should behave in these scenarios (much more straight-forward), so not so helpful. I agree that if it's just slight being off or ignoring it then maybe it's not too bad. What do you think strong hits of brushing me off would be though? (which you mentioned as a disinterest). Also you know you say you wished your wiq showed that she's attracted (and you froze meanwhile) - how would you want her to show it? I thought she did show quite a bit by touching and prolonging chats? don't feel weird about sounding a wuss- I'm the same, I'v ebeen a wuss for along time and still not that brave (even though I was confident with men in the past, and also comfedent chatting with most women socially unless they ae especially stick-up). But with wiq I do still get tongue tied OR go into somne inane silly chatter just to prolong talking to her and sometimes this annoys her a bit and I also feel like an idiot which I'm not usually!

strong hints*
I also am not sure that ignoring/pretending nothing has beeen said is good (or can be good), wouldn't that be a strong hint to me to back off? she'll have two weeks now before seeing me, so if it's still the ignoring what I said, I'd find it quite bad, even though I could understand being like that just after i said it (needing time to respond).

*stuck up

thanks outmy, I wish my insight was as good in my own situation! though I do enjoy genuinely to get involved in listening to others' dilemmas and trying to see what's going on. Can't be always right if course, but often turns out I am. Your wiq is very unusual out of all that were mentioned here, I do think she's a bit of double-sided person and may like to play games. Or very intolerant of anyone who doesn't jump to be at her beck tand call (this what could annoy her with you - no clear responses asap and that's not really good as she should be a bit more sensitive about others).
I just think my wiq MIGHT want clearer signals from me as i can be also read as a bit mixed (i.e. if I'm not feeling physically on top form I may come across as not happy and she could interpret this as being indifferent to her). I am worried though, because some things she did aer really not encouraging, despite the positive signs. Firstly, would she talk to me about a man chatting her up if she wanted to hint she might be interested in me/women? this was shared as if with a femalefriend. I also don't like the fact that she never asks about my personal/r-ships history, even though she knows I'm divorced. I kind of mentioned my ex marriage in a chat relevant to something and she almost visibly looked away, never asked any questions s to when did i get divorced or anything about my ex. I find this as a signal of 'nopersonal things'. She is already 'professional'/polite at times, but at other times very warm and grinning- it's very confusing. We didn't meet through work but she sort of benefits a bit from me, can't really tell how exctly as I want to keep some privacy at least/ I'm also helping with her pets but it's not that crucial to her that she'd keep in contact just for all that. Still can't be really nasty or offish.

So... things have taken a weird turn, but I could just be imagining things. The last time I heard anything from WIQ was yesterday morning when we exchanged a few "good morning" texts. I said I'd had a strange dream, and she asked me to email her the details. Which I did. I also sent her another email inviting her to an antique market on Saturday.

I didn't hear from her all day, but I knew she was busy so I didn't worry. Then, I texted her at around 11pm (figuring she would just be finishing dinner with friends) to tell her about a conversation I'd had with a friend about a topic she's interested in. No reply.

Nothing this morning. We had planned to meet this afternoon to work, then go for dinner and drinks. About half an hour ago, I texted her to ask if we're still meeting. No reply. She's working this morning, so possibly hasn't seen her phone, but I'm totally freaking out.

She ALWAYS replies to my emails and texts, whether immediately or as soon as she can. I'm starting to wonder all sorts of things - did the gay couple tell her how I feel? Has the married man been in touch and caused her to forget about everything else? It may just be that she's busy, but I can't help fearing the worst...

Ok, so I had totally overreacted... She called me just now to say that she's been feeling really ill since yesterday afternoon, and is going home to sleep for a couple of hours. I offered to go round and make her some food or just look after her, and she said she'll call me later when she wakes up from her nap.

I feel like an idiot for jumping to conclusions like I did earlier, but when there's so much secrecy involved, I always think the worst.

Hopefully if I go and see her, she'll realise that I really care about her.

Morning girls, just wanted to check in before I check out for a week... Sorry I'm not very attentive to the thread - I have to find stolen moments in which to post whereby I'm free from distraction (not easy) and always log out in order to keep myself protected from being caught posting on this!

Likea, you asked me a q earlier which I didn't reply to, sorry. Re the texts, my simple response when I read it was that your wiq will read into them what she wants. When my wiq communicates with me I have to reality check myself that she is only communicating as a friend, and that there is nothing loaded in it. However, let's say another friend, lets call her friend B, has a big raving crush on me, that I haven'y the faintest idea about, I wouldn't read anymore into her texts and emails etc than for what they are - friendly communications.

So the upshot is, if the thought of more than friendship has entered your wiq's head, then she might read into your texts. But if she's completeLy unaware, then she will see them for nothing more than friendly texts.

Oh, and telling you about the man chatting her up? That's either her just telling you to make conversation, or it's her wanting to flaunt her desirability to you. I would quite happily tell my wiq if a man chatted me up because it would make me seem desirable! Also, I think the age thing is important here, I think it could play on her mind if she likes you. I think she might be worried that You'd find her undesireable so she may be trying not to entertain the idea too much that you may like her... IF the situation is indeed one of her liking you. Does that make sense? I feel v conscious of my age when around much younger pretty women, and thin i must look really old to them... but perhaps I'm vain! Ironically though I remember one of my first girl crushes was on a woman in her early forties when I was just twenty one!

I have a q... Before I go... (have to be at heathrow in a couple of hours so may not have time to respond but will try)... My win seems quite keen to discuss sexual matters with me... Keen to talk in quite a sexual manner that isn't smutty, just quite upfront considering I don't know her that well. She is known though for being quite a sexual person. She seems keen to imply her sexual prowess to me it seems. Does that mean anything? Can't say anymore on here... Besides my two sons are practically flogging each other in an over excited frenzy right now and dh is upstairs getting in a flap over his hand luggage!

If I'm not back in a bit, I'll speak later... If not good luck. Caomina I am hoping for good news on my return!

X

Trapped, the sexual stuff she talks to you about is interesting. My WIQ does the same to me too, and I'm never sure whether it's just because we're friends and she wants to share things with me, or because she wants to turn the topic to sexual stuff because she has some inkling of feeing for me in that way.

She used to talk a lot about the married man she kissed, but now when she speaks about him, I totally turn off and become unresponsive, because I just can't deal with hearing her talk about him.

Likea, I agree with Trapped about your WIQ telling you about a man chatting her up. It could very well be because she wants to seem desirable to you. I do the same. Last month, I was in a bar with a friend, and a man came up and gave me a note with his phone number saying that he found me very attractive (cringe!). I was overjoyed, only because I wanted to show WIQ and make her see that people find me attractive. It's kind of weird psychologically, but it makes sense!

I just got off the phone to WIQ. She's been to the doctor and is still feeling crap, but her maid is making her some food and she's going to call me again when she's eaten to let me know how she's doing. She said I could go round to see her, but I don't want to be an annoyance if she's sick.

Right, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I'd like to ask everyone's advice on whether this would be a good way of making my feelings clear to WIQ:

I recently discovered the love sonnets of Pablo Neruda, and I was particularly struck by number XI. I won't copy-paste it incase it's searchable and she somehow finds this thread in the potential aftermath, but it's here if anyone would like to read it. It's pretty hot:

www.poemhunter.com/poem/sonnet-xi/

Anyway, would it be horribly inappropriate to write it out and give it to her? I've mentioned Neruda's poetry to her before, so maybe if I bring it up in conversation, I can show her the poem? Or read it to her?? (god, the thought of doing that makes my hands start to shake)

Or should I leave it on her table before I leave her house?

Or.... is it a horrible idea that will make her completely freak out?

Wow - that's some poem. Going to have a cold shower.

I think the poem is quite amazing. Together with a heartfelt letter it would be a very romantic gesture. Women can be very romantic and when you love someone there are no limits. Caonima - you are your WIQ already sound very close so I am sure telling her your feelings will not upset her. Hopefully she feels the same way.
In the early days my WIQ would ask about some guy who she fancied and whether to invite him out. I remember being annoyed by it and said: 'why not make a day-time plan to meet up and then you will see if you still fancy him." Unwittingly that put her right off!

Outmy - are you giving up on your WIQ or do you feel there is still hope?
Likea - from what you say, maybe your WIQ is testing the water (one toe at a time, I might add...)

typo...you *and you WIQ already sound

outmy, so what would you see as clear signals and what would you advise me to do to show clear signals?
Loveis, well she may be testing but I'm testing a lot more! so far not sure wjether I'm responding to her testing the right way. I diod say to her 'age is not very important' when she talked of that younger guy as this is relevant to us potentially, but she didn't agree in an obvious way. SHemight be on eof those who choose not to go for younger partners because it shows then in thw rong light socially iykwim! not because they are unconfident in hteir attractiveness..I'm worried she's one of those people who really value her social life and friends (they are not very close friends so they wouldn't always be acceptong no matter what) - and being with a woman , or a much younger partner of any gender can make her feel uncomfortable socially! I hope it's not as important to her as her own feelings, but it is a worry. Trapped I'm really not a 'young girl' - maybe pretty to some, but not very young. I have greying hair (and had it fron my 30s ) which I colour and my energy is not that great (if anything wiq is older but more energetic) - the only thing that's looking better is my figure purely as I'm naturally slim and exercise more or less, but I'm not a youngster overall.
I find it strange women would boast about male attention to attract another woman! Caonima, you should ve mentioned a woman asking you out instead, her reaction could be much more illuminating! to me gthis sound either like saying you are hetero as you are pleased by male attention - or it could mean you are not intertsted in men if you add 'but I'm off men'. I wish my wiq said that as I asked 'are you regretting not going with it as you sound praiseworthy(he's good looking etc)' - but of course she didn't say 'I
m off men' just no way she'd be interested, it just sounded tha age was the issue as it was.
Caonima I thin it's good that wiq shares sexual topics with you - unusual her being so much older! so can really mean that she wants to see your reaction. Trapped - not sure, it depends what excatly she boasts about. How do you react to that? good opportunity to say 'I can imagine you are good' - but of course in your case you don't want to show your feelings...Caonima though could say something like that.
Caonima poem sounds good if as suggested you also add a few words of your own in prose! the poem is very sexual, so not sure whether it's that good for the FIRST declaration?

btw I really avoid mentioning men with wiq - I worry that would make think I'm hetero! I'm not sure though why she never asked about my exH, as most people ask me somehow if they know me for a while. Negatively this may mean no interest on personal life level. Positively - maybe she doesn't like me talking of men as a few people mention here. If she did ask, I would definitely hint at this stage that I feel like I'm off men now.
Loveis, you say she's testing the waters, but I think I'm not responding to her tests in any right way. I'm testing much more myself on the other hand.

I wish i knew HOW to respond to those tests effectively.

sorry Loveis for the repeat comment - my first post got erased (again!) and i re-wrore but then foegot i already mentioned it.