Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

the strongest hint I heard from her (when I did have a gut feeling she's saying it deliberately) was about 'pretty girls' on tv once, as she never ever uttered these words in any context, not with other people either, and the way she said 'here you are' after that and slightly laughed as if apologetically. Also lookig back at the lesbian tea comment, I now remember she did watch me a bit and when I gone a bit red (thought she was inplying i was one) she kind of also slightly blushed though then walked away explaining about tea, as I was stupidly speechless and said 'sorry?'
She does like standing next to me too, I can sense that we both like it.
At other times, it feels like there is nothing.

implying

likea - Yes she was 19 and hadn't realised yet she was a lesbian. It wasn't about not fancying the other woman beforehand. More that she didn't realise how she felt

Eats, but that's different, she may indeed not have her sexuality awakened. With a woman of 50-60 (and 40ish as it's the case with me), you really do know if it's there, if not insnatly then after getting to know then a bit. This is why I'm saying that if there is any degree of interest in me, it's there in her already, and by writing I'm not going to make her suddenly fel smth. Hence I'm trying to guess whether it's there but hidden under wraps..I think it is, otherwise I d have given up ages ago, I hope it;s a matter of convincing her to go for it which is also a challenge but at least not without hope. If I'm wrong the letter would just be a huge embarassment, but as you say, hopefull she can still stay friendly .

not have had

The way I see it, if it is already decided in her inner psyche whether she feels that way or not, you can't go wrong. It's always worth asking so you know where you stand, the only time I would caution against it is if you are totally content to just remain friends with the person for always, i.e if the friendship is so deep, longstanding or amazing etc that you would feel the loss of it to keenly to risk scaring them away by suggesting more.
But even in those cases, the very good friends would probably be able to come back from a 'I really like you' declaration and be good mates. They'd understand, if they were worth anything at all. I had a (male) friend once say to me 'I could really fall for you - how do you feel?' which I thought was putting it rather nicely. (I told him he had missed his chance, but that's by the by and we are still friends now).
Good luck, likea.

thanks Hep, and thanks to all wishing me luck again. No it's not the friendship of that sort as it's relatively new and we don't see each other often enough to have developed it into an amazing friendship. I know she has a female best friend (I hope she's just a friend). So yes, but I still don't want to lose contact of course, I hope she'd be ok with that if not interested. I may feel too embarrassed for a while though, but I don't want to think too much about the negative outcome at this point.

Likea - Okay I can see it is different. But sounds as if you are going to write to her? I do think you need to tell her and see what happens then

outmy, yes, where have you been? you seem to be the only one who thinks my texts sounded like hints, and she could see them as such. I would have seen them as that or at least wondered if SHE sent those to me!
Have you bumoed into wiq in last few days? hope you are perservering!
Tbh I don't want to find out one way or the other, only if it's 'one way'. If it's a no I'd rahter know somewhow without writing letters (but say if she obviously cooled or avoided me), with the letter I'd be ok if she is dithering - or better!
Eats, yes, I will, as i say I'm planning this for June after I've seen her end of this month after her trip. I won't write if she cooled in a clear way.
I still would love to hear how Loveis makes sure she knows that a wiq is interetsed before her approaches? without being told.

This won't be a popular opinion, but after some consideration I think if someone fancies you, you know. So if you're unsure, its often (not always) because they don't. The people who have liked me in the past, I have just known because of the vibes coming from them consistently. And I'm pretty good at gauging when someone is not interested as well, even if I really like them.
There's nothing wrong with having a massive crush on someone and never doing anything about it but just enjoying it - as long as it is enjoyable and isn't making you miserable.
Likea, only you can decide if the situation is getting so UNfun that you must take action.

Outofmymind - It doesn't sound good news. Hope you are okay?

I think people can be attracted but not want to actually take it further for lots of reasons. It doesn't mean the attraction wasn't there though

outmy - you had the chat!! you mean she was NOT pleasant?
I'm sure she gave you vibes genuinely (it was a lot more than other wiqs on here ever given!) but as Eats says, there are many reasons why people don't want to act on attractions, in her case probably as worried about school learning about it! what did she say? if it was more of a chat you could ve told her that you are very discreet and wouldn't dream of telling anyone if that's what she s worried about - but if not, sorry that you misread vibes.
outmy, as you know opinion on my wiq was generally positive, especially from Gay40. I still don't know whjether she now chabged her mind or not, but she used to be thinking wiq is just a slow burner. I think you don't need to be gay to have opinions on this - if I got sucj texts from a woman after all te other things (like looks andtrying to see me) I would definitely at least wonder. She didn't blush a lot after the tea comment - I did, as I thought leasdbian teas meant 'those drunk by lesbians' and she may have blushed because I did kind of.

Likea - I had an inkling my WIQ liked me because she said so and the chemistry was definitely there so I kind of knew there was sth brewing. She'd had a r-ship with a woman before so I knew there was a small chance she might like me but I didn't know her well enough in the beginning not to think she might be like that with everyone (=open and friendly). Apparently I gave her hope by saying "I'm not gay.....yet". In the end I was the one who laid the cards on the table (after a few months of non-stop communication) because by then the vibes were v strong it was fairly clear we both felt the same way and frankly if I'd got it wrong I didn't really care, I just had to be honest about my feelings and felt comfortable sharing them.

Hep - well, not everyone can read people as far as fancying goes. It may be your talent, but say Gay40 always said that she never knew until she's told, or smth on those lines. I'm not that extreme, but equally I don't always know unless someone WANTS me to get the message non verbally. Many men, but especialy women when unsure of your sexuality, wouldn't want to be obvious as they don't want to scare you off if they are colleagues/friends/a woman who thinks you are straight. With there is a problem of tellung how muchthey fancy you, as many men fancy a lot of different women but only a few they'd be compelled to ask out, I've been mistaken on those - tokk mild fancying for being enarmoured. So ther is def room for confusion.
With wiq, obviously I want more than mild fancying, as that just wouldn't lead anywhere.

Loveis, thanks for that. But if she told you, why did you even need to watch for more vibes? You mean you were unsure what you feel and wanted that to develop - that's different from my situation though, where I know how you feel but not how she does. You wouldn't have to write letters to your to gauge her reaction, but if I write it's to get to know whether it's mutual, that's why it's so scary, as she can be cringing and not wating to see me again (I know people said it's not a likely reaction, but who knows).

*with men there is

*where i know how I feel

Likea - I didn't have to "watch" for any more vibes, the vibes were there and I was in the flow of our interaction. If there's any doubt about her feelings towards you then maybe don't do anything radical. Perhaps you need to wait until you next see her and then mention something along the lines of same sex couples...you could talk hypothetically about a friend (ie one of the women on this thread, without mentioning this thread of course) and gauge her reaction.

Loveis but bear in mind that your friend was confidently gay so te wasn't nervous about showing you vibes. I know for sure there aer some vibes - not 100% of the time but when it's a quiet moment and just the two of us talking. But as we may be both unsure of what the other feels I feel there is this cautiosness. I definitely sense cautiosness from her, i.e. sizing me up or something, it's those attentive looks - I think a person wouldn't seem like that if there was nothing there. I'm also trying to gauge her reactions so can come across as being careful. But she can get mixed signals from me too as sometimes I'm just neutral when busy or she's no talkative. It's all so strange sometimes, gives me a head-swimming feeling. I don't think I'd get it if there was nothing. But she does walk away when the atmosphere gets a bit intense.
On the other hand, HepHep, how do you distinguish as you aer good at it) a loving feeling - say if a woman really likes you as a person or is drawn to you but platonic, with sexual intertst (again if she can't be too obvious with meaningful looks etc)?

Loveis, so why were you hesitant even seeing all these clear vibes? was it about your own readiness?

I just can't see what could she say to 'gay couples' subject, that she understands as she also is attracted to women? I really don't think so! she was married most of her life, so won't suddenly just say that.
If someone asked me - I'd just not bring myself into it because I'm NOT attracted to women in general.

Likea - my friend wasn't gay (and doesn't consider herself to be gay). We don't do labelling remember as it doesn't serve any purpose. She had even said to herself that she wouldn't date any more women (having only been with a handful and mostly dated men). The suggestion of the conversation starter is purely that - to get your WIQ talking about the topic and take it from there. I'm not attracted to women either and can say my WIQ is the only woman I've had more than platonic feelings for but being women I guess we are more fluid about these things and less set in our ways the older we get. Obv not all women are like this...