Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

Sorting some things out, privately.

Well... I have my moments of contribution and then have to ponder the rest.

you mean wiq is sorting things out ? that'd be great..do you think i should write a letter as discussed with outmy? after a meeting or two on her return, just in case she HAS cooled off.

if not what do you think I should do, as something really has to happen now, I feel the time is right - or almost right.

A letter will get across all the things you want to say nicely, without the worry of fluffing your words. However..... you have to pitch it just right and also she needs to be in the right sort of mood to read it. IE, not a distant one.

..and do you think she got the hint or was it too vague what i said. I also stupidly added that it may seem strange (after 'being sweet' text). Which may sound like I'm just clinger0n, as it's not strange if I'm in love or fancy her, is it.
also she said during the phone talk i was 'amazingly accomodating' (re nice and helping when i can) - don't you think she wouldn't be amazed if she thought i was attracted!?!

well, I can't predict her mood when she receives the letter- I plan to send it straight after a meeting so she doesn't have a big gap in seeing me and get distant like that, but if she just feels distant on that day, I can't help it. She can re read it later, can't she!
as to pitching it, do you mean don't be too full on?
*a clinger-on (prev post)

Yes....not too full on. No "I love you". Just state your attraction.

what about my other question just after your post? that's important.
I wanted to say I had feelings for her, but maybe 'attracted' is better, not sure. Hope it wouldn't come across as flippant or a curiosity.

I don't think she's getting the hint...no

really? not even a 'maybe' you think? he point is if shewasn't getting the hint she could have easily replied 'I'll miss your company too' or something, but isn't the silence kind of awkward? saying I'm sweet to her but not generally surely at least can be seen odd from someone who's just being friendly? and i thought you said she's sorting out things privately - if it's not the hints, what dod you mean? I just find your psts a bit cryptic this eve - but please persevere another five min !

Sorting things out privately was about Sleepless.

I do think you're going to have bite the bullet with your WIQ. It's all just pie in the sky and over analysis otherwise.

ah well - that was clear! (re sleep), you mean she's not posting, but all is well, or she said she needs to sort things.
You used to be quite encouraging about wiq, now it's pie in the sky ? The thing I need encouragenent to be writing a letter, that's why analysis - if there is a zero encouragenment meaning nobody thinks she sounds like she MIGHT be interested, what is the pint of the letter? I find it hard to see things myself, so i need opinions. outmy seems to think that i have a good-ish chance there, as she refers to non verbal signs. But sounds like you think there is no basis for a positive response from her? I'm not the typew to jump in there just to get a shock from her, I need to analyse to see what my chances are.

thing is*

encouragement

also G, why are you so sure that she's not getting the hint from my last texts? any reason you think this? maybe her lack of response shows that she understands that i may be hinting and doesn't like - or doesn't know yet how to reply if she feels something.

No, I think she's not responding because she's not making anything of it. There's nothing to hang her hat on, so to speak. I am still encouraging, but I think you need to push the envelope.

hmm, if someone (not a relative or close friend) said this to me, I would stop and think that they see me as special, and then combined with other things like admiring looks and compliments, and trying to see her as much as i can - surely there is SOMETHING to hang her hat on. I'm worried that it's opposite - that she's guessing I have some attachment or crush on her and the non response to these texts means that she doesn't want to encourage, as she does reply nicely to other more neutral texts. She did say she was sorry not to see me this time, and many other small things I've described recently. She hasn't just met me - our contact has really warmed up recently , it's just she's been busy with relatives for the last month (staying with her, travelling), but I know for a fact that she likes me. She knows I like her a lot, I said enough things on those lines, and she's much mor erelaxed and herself with me now. As i say, unless she seees me as some sort of daughter figure, then it must at least cross her mind for a minute that there is a vibe. I think it's hard to miss when someone really likes you. I have stepped up my efforts recently, as i need to prepare for more direct approach, I have to see that she's as ready as can be for that.

even as she said I've been amazingly accomodating - she obv noticed that I'm putting myself out. I also said after this that i would do even more if she asked - this could be seen as a hint at more, but even if not clearly, at least it could make her wonder a little? I mean it's not 'nothing' all these things combined. Yes, can be seen as me trying to ingratiate myself as a friend, but what with age gap this would be a bit unlikely.

I don't think she's taking the hint either, not the hint you want her to take anyway. If she's never been in this situation with a woman before so doesn't expect to be getting these sorts of signals from a woman, it's far more likely she just thinks you are "trying to ingratiate myself as a friend", and maybe she thinks that's not wise as you're quite a bit younger ie you really might not have that much in common. It's a bit of a leap from trying to be friends to trying to be her lover, and if she doesn't expect that maybe she's just not seeing it.

You can only analyse things so much and too many other opinions can just muddy the waters. You do need too make a clear approach now I think, by letter if you are more comfortable with that.

polly, and how manyn of us on here made a direct approach quickly?? you yourself were hardly 'honest' or direct by telling your wiq you had no agenda to turn her, and it's the case with your wiq too - even though she didn't say she was interested you are/were still hoping (so all based on non verbal signals and 'vibes' even though nothing in her actions show that she's interested!). I can also base all sorts on her vibes etc., surely I wouldn't be hoping for this long and trying to give her signals myself if I thought there was zero vibe from her! You said you didn't like floggong a dead horse, so wouldn't I, it's only BECAUSE I think she may be attracted apar from liking me. To be fair I've no idea whether she ever had feelings or has been with a woman, do I - but in any case she's sophistocated enough to know that in theory a woman can be attracted to her, she's not living on the Moon. As I say there are looks - and lately she's been holding longer eye contact than before. She may feel something but be unsure of either her feelings or unsure of wanting this for social reasons, and how it would look to her friendsa/children.
I will make direct approach, but I wouldn't do it if all on here said that there is no chance she is attracted and that I'm just crazy/deluded - you and G (especially) used to say that she can sense a vibe/some interest. I'm relating latest developments as i see them as improvenents (she was vey nice to me on the phone and made no attempts to rush off, said in ytext she enjoyed it - it's encouraging even as to a friend, so she's not pushing me awayu as a friend, but she may be doing that as a possible lover).

I did write a post to you on prev page, btw. Don't you see my point re the big picture? Unless you haven't put something on the thread that you did on fb (apart from that info - I mean relating toyou personally).

Just thought some more about advice on this page - and really can't see the logic ! Assuming we on here have each other's interests at heart and not just cheering on regardless?!
You both advise me to write this letter, but you know I wouldn't want to lose all contact with her, so I'm taking a bit of a risk, but surely there is NO POINT of writing if she's not had a thought at all about possible attraction from me or from herself!! The whole point of me waiting this long was to build up the vibes and to feel at least a little 'safe' when writing to her directly. It sounds like you think (polly and partly G40) that she has NO CLUE that I may be hinting at something with 'will be missing you' and 'I'll do more if you ask', so obviously no such thought ever crossed her mind - which means she feels zero attraction - what is the point of the letter then? to make me feel crushed? It's also strange as previously you both said that she may be a slow burner, and although there are no guarantees it looks like she likes me etc (and indeed if she found me creepy she could've stopped contact altogether at any time - she said pretty much she liked having me around in several comments). So if she does feel something (or thinks that I do) then it's illogical to suggest that my latest texts were not even considered as hints. outmy of course does think she can see them as hints, so it's not JUST me.

It's so very hard to tell by texts and none of us know her so we cannot tell you about facial expressions and body language etc. If you write the letter you will know once and for all, but it my cause your friendship to stall. I'm trying not to be negative but you need to know the score for your peace of mind.

Allotment, I do know that the clear answer can only be known if I write/tell her. But the whole point of this thread is to deccribe their behaviour and reactions, and changes in this person (we definitely got closer in communication recently, and she's more open about liking me) - I put time and effort in describing developments to get opinions on it, not just to air my thoughts in public (which is mildly uncomfortable). If I didn't want any advice in sussing her out, I'd just write a letter without ever going on the forum! I know you can't ee bodu language but I described a lot of it (and responses).My RL male friend also says i have to be poen about it sooner or later but he thinkss from my stories that she may be attracted just unsure socially whether shge wants r-ship with a woman, and whether she wants any full on r-ship at her age. But here suddenly people think she wouldn't even THINK my texts MAY be hints .