Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

phoned wiq today, nice to actually talk to her on the phone as we settled into a harmonious chat which face to face is different as more nerves involves what with eye contact etc. All nice, so thought I'd push it a little bit by text after this (she was texting me some practical info). She entrusted her pets to me for one day (so will be going to hers for that day), so I said I will miss her at her place along with the pets. Tame maybe but still unusual for me to actcually spell. She sent a thank you back, also said I've been 'amazingly accomodating' (and sort of laughed in a pleaed way) during the chat - hmm it was NOT amazing taking into account how i feel, I just have to adapt to her schedule as no other choice - but this sounds like she doesn't really know how I feel, as she wouldn't be amazed then. Then I texted that i will be happy to help and do more for her if she asked (I know it sounds very unclear but I didn't feel this was the time of direct statements!) to which again she thanks and says 'it's very sweet of you'. I don;t like that 'sweet of you' as it sounds again as I'm doing her favours and she is blind to the real reason, it's not the first time she said that to me. OR she is considerong I may have a crush but wants to play dumb and hide become 'sweet of you' statements. I then pushed it a bit more texting that I'm not really sweet and wouldn't be giving to just anyone (actually i wish I used word 'giving' rather then more neutral one i used) - I kind of added tat I'm just telling her this, not expecting some reaction. That was the ehnd of it. I think if this was freaking her out she would say no thank to my offers to help hger with things. Would she? On the pther hand she's either mulling itover or not wanting to go down the risky texts route! It doesn't sound much but the feel of my texts was a bit forward iykwim. What do you think about this thanking and 'sweet' comments? she did also text that she enjoyed our chat (before my texts). I must say it feels scary to make even small direct steps but I have to prepare her for more somehow. If she wants to be prepared, that is.

*involved

*spell it out

*hide behind

So..... she enjoyed your chat before the texts yay. How about turning the rest of it around - say she fancies you and is phoning/texting, would you say it's "sweet of you" to anything? If so why would you use those words? Term of endearment as friends or something more...... If not those words what would you say?

Good that you're chipping away and seemingly she is more communicative as time is going by. Agree if she was freaking out she would have refused your offer of help.

Hi Allotment - nice to see you here again, it's rare these days !
I wouldn't use this term, but we are all different. I've heard her use this expression about a relative (i.e. she's very sweet) - generally to me it's not a romantic comment. But - I'm hoping that even if she felt attraction she wouldn't at this stage use anything bolder. Also she didn't say i was ctually sweet, but sweet of me to say/offer - and she did say that nefore a few times. Not sure whether she's just using careful safe terms, or that it's something as an older woman she'd use towards anyone younger who's 'sweet'. If it was me andI was interested, and someone said I'll miss you - I'd say either say the same back, or if more cautious, I'd say 'I'm pleased to hear this fron you'. So none hte wiser. The chat was nice, she much more relaxed with me then in the past, but in recent past it got closer as I do see here quite reguarly and she trusted me with her pets a couple of times also. Just can't tell if she thinks I'm useful in a nice way, and is being polite/nice, or is she just being cautoius and secretly feels something. I will have to push it forward soon, I somehow feel bolder now. Let's hope to God that she doesn't get involved with anyone while I'm doing this, as I won;t see her till end of month.
Allotment, you are asking me - but would you use this comment if you meant more? She did say earlier in the week by txt that she's sorry she won't see me this weekend (she's away if you didn't seethat).

Yes I would use this comment if I meant more, but that's me. However I'd also use it with other people too who were not as close. Never would I say it to someone JUST because they're younger (or older for that matter) It's a term of endearment that is ambiguous.
The risk you take if you lay your cards on the table is that she backs off completely, you need to open the wine! Can you invite her to see your new place?

no unfortunately I'm miles away now! But am in London once a week or two. I know we need to open the wine - or at least I need to find her already mellow (which is not that difficult going by last few meeting!). I'm not going to say anything next time as there will be people around most likely but also fter quite a break. But I will be moving towards it. I still think she could ve encouraged me a bit more if she was attracted rather than just liking me (of which I can be quite sure now, enough evidence) - wouldn't ytou say in her place , especially as it's safer by text - that you'll miss the person too or at least how pleased you were to hear it? rather than 'thank you!' even though with exclamation? I have to see how she is after these texts when i see her, whether there is any more warming or opposite reaction. If she didn't like this she might not say anything now but push me away next time.

I mean i will invite her later (when the place is in a decent state), but she won't take it up quickly as it'a all-day trip (better to stay overnight which i can't hope for yet ).

Stay overnight

Trouble with texting is you cannot hear the intonation in the voice or see facial expressions both of which are almost essential in this situation.
Got to go laptop battery very low, will try and catch up tomorrow (not evening). :)

yes I know, but everyone knows this so they normally text something that can't be misinterpreted in these situations (like saying I'll miss you etc).

Hi outmy, I was wondering where you have you gone ! you kind of didn't respond to our last suggestions about your wiq, did you manage to see her again? I was advising you to talk to her, what did you think of those ideas in my post? as I said, she is behaving odd and not in a very grown up way so you have all the reason and right to ask her whether you could talk like griwnups and avoid this 'atmosphere', even if you are mistaken you could at least be friendly.
Yes, my wiq is quite close (though not with her friends - but even with them she's not completely 'heart-on-her-slleve' type). But 'sweet' is used by many people, it's just a popular term - yes, not to strabgers maybe, but she's known me for months now, and used the sameterm towards a younger relative, and to me before. I know she has a degree of fondness for me, we'vereached that stage a while ago, but the question is, is it just fondness or is she attracted. You are right that she maybe nervous and unsure if attarcted, she sometimes looks like htis when we talk, especially when there aer these pauses in conversation or longer eyecontact. But it's so easy to read more into it, she could be just trying to be friendly and is not interested in more as she often excuses herself after such pauses/heavy vibes. Whether she's a bit scared, or just not interested, I don't know. Also, let's hope she won't refuse contact from now on if she did read something into my texts and saw them as hints. I will only see her end of month so it will show.
I wanted to ask you, outmy, you say you were scared to start with and running away from wiq, so when and jow did you decide that you aer not scared anymore and ready to approach her? just wonder what helped you to be sure? as you sound very keen on her despite her odd behaviour - and is it more attarction to her looks or personality?
*polly8 how was the scan?

I don't think her feelings are so strong at this point that she won't get involved with others! I wish! but if there is something at least, and especially if it's unusual, then she probably won't rush into somethingnew at the same time, at least.

*my wiq is quite closed

What does WIQ mean?

woman in question

Ah, got you.

you thought it was something more 'thrilling' [grin}? no it's the thread's old acronym!

no I didn't mean you should directly ask her about vibes - I was suggesting that you start with smth like 'sorry that there is this unfriendly/awkward atmosphere between, and can we talk like grown ups about it, just to get on normal friendly terms again' - and then if she is responsive you could add that I were confised about messages she was sending out but sorry if you were mistaken. I mean you aer not apologising as such, by adding 'if' you were mistaken. Yes yo have to do this as otherwise nothing will move on in any direction!

between us*

you were confused*