Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

Hello POlly and Allotment, thanks for your lovely welcome.

outmy, I do feel for you. It sounds like a horrible situation! I wonder why she kept staring at you... some people are a bit like that though. Perhaps she thinks you're attractive hence all the staring but just doesn't fancy you (or doesn't realise that she does!) Perhaps your note was a compete surprise an has made her run a mile. Not sure why she acts colder towards you when you act cold - perhaps just deeply insecure. I wonder if she knows that she's messing with your head and is getting a perverse enjoyment out of it... I wonder I wonder... perhaps perhaps...!

She does sound like a it of a nutter though. My wiq is too though, perhaps it's that slightly unhinged element that's so compeling!

Excuse terrible grammar in last post, have to go to bed.

Women. They are, in the most part, unhinged.

got back much later than I thought i would! missed the evening discussion..
outmy, can you find out somehow whether she's now involved with someone? this could explain the change from the early days. She could have been bolder to start with as you were not really ersponding but - as often the case - once she saw mutual interest and yo made REAL steps like notes and talking to her about it - she could have become scared. I really think it's mainly the teacher thing though. Do you live in a small town? maube you could bump into her somewhere accidentally on purpose, bu tyou need info fronm someone about her hobbies or thetime she does her shopping! I think you can and should talk to her, because she's being ridiculous to be gonest! how old is she really, giving you looks, forced smiles etc? Can yo just nicely say something like ..I'm sorry there is this odd/weird atmosphere between us, if I offended you I'm sorry but can we be mature about it and have a chat? I thought you were giving me certain signals, and if I'm wrong can ew just agree to be fiendly as I haven't done anything wrong going by how you came across. If I'm not wrong then can we have a chat over a coffee, and i promise to be discreet - smth like that. Is htere a way seeing her at school without other teachers present? You could even phone her if you have the nu,mber but tha's a bit pushy i s'pose.
polly, do i really have to start again?! I will try not to go on, but just to say that your wiq is not a teachre/doctor/tutor anymore and is completely free to do what she wants. She's not married like Trapped so again, free, no kids even. She met you for drinks and really that should have been a start of something real IFshe was interested. You know, ALL of us here who aer confused and scared would give an arm and a leg to be invited out by our wiqs knowing that they fancy us (not just as friends), so do yo really think she could refuse you offers? your emails? it's obvious to her that you aer still attracted I can tell you, and she's doing absolutely nothing but the same old - peole who are attracted ENOUGH and free to do anything, jus dont behave like that. she's not compelled to contact you or see you. She's not the type to blow hot and cold, I think she's type who knows what she wants very well, in her case if there is anything, then it's 'lukewarm' or just a little thrilling fantasy (emphasis on little) and she can't be arsed even to explain that, instead of jus saying 'I'm not gay', she must realise that she's given some signals and it would be a decent thong to explain that they don't mean much but that she can see how you could misinterpret them.

Trapped, again I really identify with what you say - I wish I could be properly myself with wiq, but it's the nerves and constant wondering whether I should give her more signals or just be social/friendly, and reading responses that makes me come across awkward and just so un-smooth! I talk to her and think in the same time a hundred thoughts a minute - I bet she thinks I'm miles away or not with it occasionally. Thankfully when it's a specific topic I've shown that I'm sane and she thinks that I can be relied on, but still, grim! I will have to let her know soon, I'm reaching my limit of patience and 'not knowing', and I can do it soon I feelm as she has warmed up in the last couple of months. Just bummer that can't see her soon.

Are you in a texting situation now?

G, was this to me? yes, we've always been on texting terms, I am going to phone her tomorrow asagreed to discuss some practical arrangements, but we don't phone often at all. Some texts were quite warm at some point, she usd to put 'x' on some but that stopped. Generally still warm comments but she doesn't get into longer text chats (i tried once).

Texting can be strange. I love it. You can be a bit bolder, but there's always a danger of misinterpretation.

I know, G, I agree. I AM a little bolder - she got a couple of compliments that way but I'm always wondering if I could do more. On the other hand texts aer awful when you say something and there's no answer and you agonise that you said smth wrong while the person has been distracted on the other end. I still think I shouldn't say really important things by txt as it can be seen as being a coward and hiding iykwim. Or not? you wouldn't want someone declaring love by text? though maybe ok for something naughty-ish.

Just a quick update, had a reply from The Bolter last night, she said sorry for not replying sooner and doesn't think she'll want to go out this weekend as she's working both days (I did know that but had forgotten). Friendly email, littered with 'x's as she does sometimes. Anyhoo, I'm quite happy not to go out as I'm still hoovering up antibiotics and feeling very unwell.

polly, so what happened to your sane plan to tell her that you can't be dealing with this intermittent contact?? or at least to insist on having her number? you see, this is exactly what i described as the wrst scenatio she'll do now - relpy in friendlyish way and say, we'll go for drinks sometime, yes - and then same old dangling and disappearnce. And lo and behold she's done that. Did she give her number (if you forgot to mention, then at least it's not too dismal)?
I mean if you aer determined to have those drinks at least once, I understand you still don't want to be abrupt but this would only be possible if she did give you her number (as you ASKED) so at least you had some comtrol and could arrange soon after this weekend. Also - come on, if she wanted to she could go for drinks after work, maybe even on sunday. Are you prepared to be dangled like this for months?

antibiotics should help in about three days, so hope you aer feeling better and more in the mood to stand up for yourself take the bull by the horns.

Had a fantastic dream about wiq last night - very rare for me. It was all about my first real approach to her, and it turned out VERY affectionate (not gone too far ) but there was a woman friend hovering around who I realised (in the dream) could be her partner - and it was as if she really was afeecxtionate with me but kind of apologetic that she can't go further due to that, yet it was obvious to me that they are not as in love as we were. Silly of course, but i wonder whether indeed she is/was involved with a woman already. Or maybe I'm just practising my approach this way.

I'm feeling really unwell, and I've got to go for a scan next week.

I don't blame her for not wanting to go for a drink after work - this particular job is miles away and her work is very physical. After 8 hours of that, plus travelling on top, all you want is a bath and bed.

I said I would email her and give her what for if she hadn't replied to me by the weekend. She has, so that's fine and I'll have a more serious think about what to do next when I'm feeling better.

that's fine that you felt at the endog your tether couple of pages back on here . You know very well that she shopuld have repied sooner - that is if she was interested in more than being friendly. She's not.
Very sorry about your health - it's best to take abtibios as soon as you feel it's getting worse, this is a bit of delayed treatment but hopefully will kick in soon. Yes I agree she shouldn't be your priority at all, especially as you aer ill, but really even when healthy . Btw if she wanted to see you, she's suggest a quick coffee ANY day of the week, she doesn't work 8hr days every day, and it's been two weeks since drinks almost? I mean you live so near each other (if I was living soi near wiq I'd definately arrange to look in once a week, especially if we went out already once)! She could have contacted you last weekend too and even offered tobring you something if you aer ill. Anyway I'll stop as this woman (wiq) makes me really angry. She can see you are still keen on her and wouldn't even explain that it's misplaced.

that's fine then*
end of your tether*

No she often works more than 8 hours a day and some evenings too. And most days I have my dcs with me, when I don't I'm at college, so coffees during the week are not an option.

I was very ill last summer and she was very kind then, if she had known I was ill this past week yes she probably would've asked if I needed anything. She didn't know until I emailed her about an hour ago.

Yes I've had the arse because it's taken her a few days to email me, but she has now and was fine. It's par for the course with her. She's very busy and I don't expect her to start running round after me.

I'm not blindly defending her, I just feel you're determined to see the very worst in her and for all her faults she's not a bad person.

ok, so why hasn't she given you her number? You say she's a 'phone person' and it goes off frequently. So all her other friends or men for that matter get to be in frequent contact, but you aer kep at a ong arm's length, and it's rude to ignore you request for the number if she thinks you are after friendship. The reason is, she knows you after more than friendship and doesn't want to encourage it by giving you her number and having regular contact. Last wekend she didn't work all three days, did she? Even if she genuinely couldn't find an hour in her schedule (and btw she could see you with dc in tow if she missed you, until you could do the drinks) she could have emailed sooner or phoned you/given the number.

It's a classic pattern of a woman being (mildly) dangled by a man - she's frustrated one minute, then makes excuses for him next when there is some scrap of contact. I've been there - and there would be a corus of 'He's Not Interested' on MN if this was about a man. You know, a person doesn't have to be plain nasty to be disinterested, they may be occcasionally friendly out of politeness or friendliness (or for some ego boost). She may even be mildly fond of you, but that's it. I do realise that that also can be the case of my wiq, but at least shhe hasn't told me in black and white she wasn't gay, and I do see her more regularly to hope to build smth up.

*kept at a long arm's

chorus

P.S. she may not be 'the worst' with other people, I've no idea about that, but I do see the worst in her as far as your situation goes, as she knows very well you aer interetsed and enjoys dangling you (or - just being plain inconsiderate and not sympathetic to how you may feel). If she was a GOOD person she could nicely explain that her being nice during the drinks shouldn't be read as interest, that she's just generally tactile etc. Could also say smth like.. sorry I'm not giving you my number, I just think this would give you false hopes, and all i can do is a once a month or two of friendly contact at most.

Polly - I do hope its not the case, but it does sound like you are being dangled sadly