Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

hi out, haven't got time now to reply properly, but havre read your posts (not tool long at all!). Just quickly - are you sure she received your note? it's just strange that she didn't say anything andthen when you asked her face to face she didn'r even mention the note or why hasn't she replied to it. I'd say to compare with your wiq, polly, this one is MUCH more encouraging and almost definately attracted to you out. But as you say, you were acting very confused (understandably as these feeling are a shock!) which made her mistrustful, though I don't inderstand why hasn't she been a little more positive when you strated saying things, for which i admire you personally as I haven't got the nerve still. She could have said that she wasn't gay previously but possibly she may be interested, I think she didn't want to make THE decision there and then when you talked to her and freaked out. But she could say, I'm not sure i want things to progress, maybe we can have a coffee, could she. I think it's extremely unlucky that she's a teacher. She may well be paranoid about losing her job if she thinkls you aer impulsive type (and you were with her from what you described) and whether if things go wrong you woudn't tell someone on impulse. I think you need to assure her that whatever happens you will never tell anyone at school or any parents, swear on something if yo have to. And say that you are also not entrely sure as you've never been with a woman before, so that she feels no pressure to decide. Sometimes it's that - having to ADMIT to yourself and other person that you are 'gay' that is so hard for people to do. You could also ask her why is she giving you mixed signals, you have all the right and reason to ask. Try and arrange to pick up kids late again when she's on hher own and just talk. You ve done it already so it's not novel, just be very gentle.

haven't woked out as a quick reply exactly ! have to go now but will be back late eve to duscuss more.

Outmymind - how did you get on today? :)

She's acting so oddly though difficult to say. How does she act towards other parents? Perhaps she's blowing hot and cold over this but then again it's been going on for some time. Maybe she's embarrassed by her own behaviour in the past/has a partner now/can't quite get her head around her own feelings, or maybe it's the teacher/parent thing.

yes it does make for a tricky situation (dynamic? is that the word?) when one is a position of authority over (sort of!) the the other. My WIQ was my tutor when we met (adult edu) and it's only since that changed - and she and her boyfriend separated in the New Year - that things have warmed up. A bit. So much of what you describe in her behaviour I recognise (despite what Likea thinks! ) although my WIQ has never been one for dirty looks. Thankfully. She'd scare me to death.

No my WIQ was a long time ago, the usual vibes like everyone else is saying about but nothing came of it. I just know what it's like!

Parent/teacher thing is almost akin to doctor/patient situation, this is what's making her very wary. Only time will tell whether anything will happen but if so I suspect it will be when your DD leaves the school, how long has she to go there before moving schools?

I don't know what to make of it at all, other than to say that you both sound very unsure of where you want to go with things. One WIQ wafting about indecisively keeps this thread going for months....to have two trying to have a simple conversation with each other is a head wrecker.
If she is nervous about how she feels, that could account for the hot and cold.
(A previous partner said I used to do this in the run up to Being a Couple, hence the Fishing Rod Theory. I'm not proud.)

ha yes Likea and I have had our - ahem - little disagreements about my WIQ. No still haven't heard from her, don't expect to until later in week, if at all, as she works days and evenings until Thursday.

Maybe you need to send her another cheerful note - 'please stop with the dirty looks and gis a snog instead.' Or maybe not....did I just say that out loud...?

I'm just chuffed this has been going on three years, makes my two years seem like a mere long weekend of angst.

Gay I predict a collective exploding of heads by Sunday.

it's not good out, if you want to get her away from school you'll have to follow her to Tescos.

I like the idea of my WIQ wafting. She's got the hair for it.

out I think Gays refering to my bleedin' indecisive WIQ who Will Not Talk To Me and keeps wafting in and out of my life. So there'll be me and her, and you and your WIQ in the same boat.

Yes, I actually quite like my WIQ when shes being stern and acting in authority! Just cut the dirty looks out though:o

Waves to all

Outmymind, I posted on the first TT thread, but decided I needed a break from it! I have been lurking on and off though, and your posts have really struck a chord with me, so much that I've felt compelled to come out of hiding!

I've had a crush for over two, possibly nearer three years now. I'm a bit vague about the time because I wonder if I was in denial for a while before I realised my feelings. I certainly felt a massive aversion to my wiq at first - intensely disliked her in fact - and I wonder if it had something to do with being angry at her for making me feel the way I did!Or maybe it's because she's a bit of a cold, haughty, up-her-own-arse -type, who knows. Still you can't help who you fall for... bloody chemistry eh...

Anyway, I need to talk to you about the hot and cold thing. Because I am a hot and cold-er with my wiq. The reason for it is this:

a) I am incredibly shy when around her and can't be myself.
b) I'm terrified of revealing my true feelings because I already suspect that she suspects and am therefore in a bit of a no-win situation. If I act normal (i.e. friendly and bubbly) I'm worried that she'll guess so I almost have to over compensate by being stand-offish
c) I feel incredibly guilty because I am married
d) I'm scared of the way I feel because I feel quite a lot of pain already about the unfeasibility of the situation, and I'm being defensive to protect myself.

And by the way she seems to have gone cold on me lately, and I'm paranoid that she's guessed because of my odd behaviour around her! Or maybe she's just busy. Who knows...

So yes I can totally relate to the mixed signals and the whole head-f*cking-ness of the situation you're in. I have spent the last 2-3 years trying to read this woman and her mixed signals, while all the while giving off mixed signals myself, and all the while not even knowing whether or not she has a clue about ANY of all this, and in fact that her vibes have been completely innocent, and where the hell my head is in fact!

Waves to Trapped welcome back.

hello Trapped. I wondered where you'd got to

Final post... for a minute or two anyway...

I will probably NEVER know whether she has ever had any feelings for me, because we are both married and in completely picture-perfect marriages. There is no way on Earth that she would jeopardise any of what she has, just as I wouldn't either. So there is no more likely chance of her ever giving anything away (she's a v closed person anyway) than there is of me EVER letting her know (seriously I'd rather die). So until this bloody albatross of a crush wears off, I will be forever trying to analyse her somewhat confusing signs.

At least your wiq knows how you feel outmymind (that was v brave of you). I can only imagine that she is absolutely terrified and confused. Perhaps you should go cold on her for a while? Reel her in as Gay would say?