The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Cross-posted with the infinitely wiser Mouse!

Mouse No I'm not torturing myself. It was more of a gentle wondering, whether 1 day I will be able to have a glass and then leave it at that. No wine for me tonight, the recycling gets emptied tomorrow and I am determined that for once there will be no bottles in them, along with no bottles hidden in the house.

grey Everything in your post I get. I could have written it word for word. I'm so pleased that others get it too. Well done on cutting down, its bloody hard isn't it? But like you said, we have to keep trying

Mia I wish it was water retention or the like. I imagine my body has gone into shock with lack of bacon sandwiches and the enormous amount of wine - it is probably holding onto all the fat for dear life wondering what the fuck is going on

Soma I do that too The Babes are never far from my thoughts at the moment. I probably think of you all more than my own DC right now You are helping, because you know what, if at some point I decide to have a glass of wine and wake up the next morning having drunk a bottle, or start my 6am drinking again I know I can come here and someone will understand.
I'm no good at tough love, I don't have the great words that some of these wonderful Babes do. Do you have any more wine in the house? Can you put it away/pour it away for tonight? See tomorrow as a fresh day? xx

Ha ha no worries Mia

Mouse you are like a big, strong, warm pair of arms hugging everyone on the Bus

Mouse and Mia, how can I let you know how how much it warms my heart that you hear me? And all the other babes who have listened to me and given so much? Thank you, from the bottom of my fucked-up heart.

I don't know what the trigger was, I just know I'M AM AN ALCOHOLIC and I want to stop. I've stopped drinking now and all I want is a decent night's sleep and to wake up feeling that in some way I belong.

I feel I shouldn't post when I'm wasted but to know you're out there is priceless.
I do so hope that if there's anyone else out there who feels like me, that they'll want to join this bus and not be afraid to bare their souls. Feeling better for knowing you're out there, huge hugs xx

Horrible - you are lovely and have a great heart. We are struggling together and we can do this. I'm very glad we have "met". xx

DUBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - I'm so glad you and Saf had a great week! And you went to meetings together too? Fantastic.

Dubs - I never would have been able to keep in touch with her properly had I still been drinking, never would have been able to be a decent,full time friend who can be present in her life, rather than lurching in and out of it.

Wonderful words, words that I feel too at times. How can you be dedicated to someone/thing if you can't be dedicated to looking after YOU?

I'm so glad you've posted Dubs xxxxx

Hey Soma don't feel down. Don't beat yourself up, because beating yourself up is a sure way of heading out to find a bottle. Forgive yourself, matey.

I've struggled a bit today. Have a truly lunatic friend (now ex-friend) who has behaved incredibly. I guaranteed this ex-F's flat, as ex-F is a bit broke and a bit scatty but otherwise, I thought very lovely.

Three months into the rental agreement and ex-F told me I was a vile person and they didn't want to be friends any more. I was a bit bewildered, and incredulous frankly. I'm 45 years old. Playground antics don't exist in my world. I did manage to collect myself enough to apologise for whatever had caused the upset and asked what I had done. Nothing apparently, other than being naturally vile.

There was some more horrible stuff (lots of personally nasty emails and texts, none sent by me), but basically the ex-F skipped off, not paying the last three months of the rent, any of the bills, and finally in a gesture of spite that I cannot quite forgive, trashed the flat to ensure that I couldn't even recoup my deposit. I got the notification from the letting agency today. It's not the money, honestly, it's the hurt. I know this friend has mental health issues, I do know that, but we were not casual acquaintances, we were very close friends. I am in a state of shock. Who in this world can you trust?

Mia and Soma

One day you will wake up and know that enough is enough. Really, truly ENOUGH.

I mean really enough.

Something will click, something will trigger a huge and welcomed change in you, your hearts.

Something will say that it's okay to feel, to know that life is actually hard at times. It's okay to hear the words you have in your head.

It's okay to want to be better than that. It's okay to know that you can be, a very strong and Brave Babe, and that in fact, you're half way there because there is a tiny - huge part of you that wants it more than ever.

BUT - tonight, you can't quite get there. You can't quite breathe. You can't quite put into words what it is that is hurting you.

And do you know what? That's cool. It's cool to say I hate who I am, how I feel, what I've done.

It's BETTER to say it out loud. It's BETTER to feel that emotion, how ever small, and let it slowly into your life.

It's okay to feel out of control, out of touch. It's really okay to be scared of what might happen if you let go. It's okay to not be perfect, in a perfect world, perfect life. It's okay to have secrets, to have parts of your life you no longer want to think about.

It's okay to not want to open those boxes. Ever. My head is like a frickin warehouse!

Soma and Mia. Tonight, you should just stop worrying about what you have done, the drinking, and think about what you'd like to DO.

Mouse xx

Hope how awful for you.

There's something that really resonates in your soul when you are betrayed by/fall out with a close friend. Dare I say it's as bad, if not worse than an intimate relationship break up.

I really feel for you, esp as you did so much to try and support her. It's easy to say but sounds like she is really fucked up & you are better off without her. Sort out what you can of the mess and take comfort in knowing that the problem is clearly hers.

Don't let this mess with your head or your sobriety. X

Isinde! I thought you'd disappeared! Have you not been drinking lately? What's changed tonight?

Mouse thank you for your lovely words.

Hopefully at your horrible 'friend'. Bloody hell what an awful betrayal! I'm just appalled for you. Please don't think that 'people' are like this - this is not in any way normal behaviour!

Truth I agree that your body is probably in lock down from bacon butty deprivation... give it time...

Soma Soma how are you lovely??

Lovely to hear that the inspiring SAF is having a great time in the company of double.

I agree with chasing - a betrayal by a friend cuts very deep. I guess you just have to acknowledge how very fucked up she must be to convince herself that you are the villain in this, Hopefully. As awful as it is, you are better off out of touch with someone that toxic.

NEW THREAD

I'm off to bed now, after my Mentalist fix.

Stay Brave Babes xx

Hopefully that is a vile game to play. Mental illness or no mental illness, that behaviour is inexcusable. I would be absolutely seething. Can you track this woman down and sue her through small claims, or are you legally liable for all her debts as her guarantor? I'd get some legal advice!

To paraphrase Kate Moss: No alcohol buzz feels as good as sober does.

That's what I keep telling myself, and strangely, it's working; I have no desire whatsoever to mess my head up (for now), and day 15 done and dusted. Boinging into the weekend, free of guilt and feeling fab and in control :)

Night babes xxx

Well done BOINGing Carrie!

I'm off shortly too. Night night Lovely Babes xx

Thanks for the sympathy - is lovely of you all :)

I am grateful that I can't drink otherwise I would have got outside a couple of bottles by now. And it's a bit sad but no-one died.

Let's get to the new thread and have some jollity. Thanks for starting it, Mouse