The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Afternoon Babes

Hi celery and welcome to the bus!

Mouse what a horrendous PITA for you. Good on you for saying no and keeping on saying no. I hope you have a great day with Nemo and he enjoys the chocolate eggs!

I've had a good day so far today - slept in too late, went into town to the new sweet shop :) and will shortly start part 2 of sorting the kitchen cupboards. They've been in a mess for years, so I'm stupidly proud when we get one done.

I've recognised that, now my drinking has gone down substantially, DH is also drinking less, for which I'm hugely grateful.

Much love to all, speak later xx

Hi everyone. Just a quick post to say hello because I'm feeling crap today. Had a rubbish night's sleep due to boozing and feel really tired and tearful today. The sun actually put in an appearance this afternoon though, which was nice, so we did a bit of gardening.

Soma I don't think your working 6hr x 4 days pw necessarily means you can't have a dog, it just means you need to plan it very carefully. Getting a puppy wouldn't be practical or fair on the dog with you out so much, but had you considered a rescue dog? An older dog that's used to being left for longer periods possibly. Could you afford to pay someone to come in at lunchtime and let the dog out? Is there a neighbour who could do that?

I never leave our dog for longer than 4hrs (and only rarely for that long) because she gets distressed, but some dogs (and breeds of dog) are better at being left than others. 6 hrs is a long time, but an older dog who is calm and doesn't get anxious might be fine.

Mouse what a nightmare! Your poor DF sounds like he's under pressure from all sides.

Faire thank you so much for your lovely words. I will have a think and see if there's any way of celebrating 'us' that feels right.

Hi Mia sorry today hasn't been the best, did you drink more than you intended? Never mind, you've told us about it and tomorrow is another day. I messed up yesterday too but have worked through it and in a strange way feel stronger for it. Thanks for the dog advice, I'd thought about an older rescue dog but we'd want a smaller breed and there aren't many to be had. Maybe I'll just have to put it on hold until I retire - in about 700 years:(

It's good to hear that the antabuse is keeping you off the booze Help - any side-effects? I hear it can leave a strange taste in your mouth but so what?

Have a good evening all, drinking or not. xx

Mia - I second Faire's suggestion of making that date special in another way. Why not plan a day out? Will that put any pressure on you both? Maybe just get up that morning and decide where to go, what to do then or even get in the car with an overnight bag and see where you end up?

Sorry you feel rough today, are you a hair of the dog type of person? I am. Or rather was. I can't drink as much as I used to thank Jeff! Urgh. Not good memories. Plenty of stodge and water today. And a (((((hug))))) from me, no point in rubbing it in or telling you off, I think a hangover is all you need to make you (eventually in my case) realise that getting shit faced just isn't worth it.

I have finally got my dining room back, DH is finishing our bedroom, we have a wardrobe, with our own clothes in! I've chosen a large flower print in teal and latte for one wall, the rest are just a lighter version of the latte colour.

The kitchen is coming along nicely, as is the bathroom. So many 'bits' (I HATE THAT but DH likes doing bits of DIY - Grrrrrrrrrrr) to finish off, one day we'll wake to a fully decorated house and not know what to do with ourselves!

Nemo enjoyed the chocolate eggs, I had no idea of the time! Where has the day gone?

I need to go and feed DD, she's 13 so has no understanding of how the cooker/toaster/microwave/fridge etc works. The yoof of today eh?

Be back later hopefully, if not then Mwahs to you all. Stay safe Babes xx

Babes I'm in a terrible mess. Have drunk a bottle of wine. I can't give it up, can't live minute by minute, can't swap it for anything else, can't cope without it.

Celery how did you guess? I can't recommend rescued retired greyhounds highly enough. They do vary hugely - some are great with kids, with cats, with other dogs, with other small animals. Others are not so good.

If you can afford a dog walker then I would advise that you go for it :)

So, either I carry on like this or I seek professional help. I don't even feel drunk, not even tipsy. I feel annoyed that I drunk a bottle and feel no buzz.

I just hope that no buzz means no hangover, but I suppose that is me just kidding myself.

I am so sorry :(

hey greyhound so you aren't ready to give up yet? Me neither. Which is why I'm not on the bus so much these days. But I think you have to accept that's where you are and take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up.
What I do is accept that I am going to drink but try and set a tiny achievable target like having a spritzer in between, starting half an hour later, not finishing the bottle - even by a mouthful. All of these become achievements you can build on.
For tonight, get some water down you and get to bed as soon as you can.
I understand where you are. don't give up on yourself

Never mind Greyhound, 'tis done now. Damage limitation. Can you do the drill? If you stop now at least you will know that you can stop.

When it seems overwhelming like this just try to bear in mind that you only have to resist one drink - the first one

Hi ma it sound like you have lost your mojo a little? How has your weekend been. Difficult? x

hey faire
yeah, kind of....

Grey so sorry you sound so down. No need to be hard on yourself. Tomorrow is another day and all that.

Well so far so good today. I bumped into a friend who was at the same event as me on Saturday and who had to be taken home as she passed out on the floor for a while. She didn't seem phased at all by this (and this isn't that unusual for her). I know I don't know what's going on in her head but I can't laugh it off any more. But of course it sets me off thinking "well, I can't be that bad, at least I'm aware I'm in danger of being a terrible lush"...and as the remorse fades and the sickness passes you start thinking "well, one glass of wine won't hurt will it?" and the whole sorry cycle starts again.

My XH texted earlier to say that he's too tired to bring the boys back tonight so that's another night away from them . My first thought was to have a glass of wine but I am so glad I have joined this thread because due to this I haven't. I may have some wine next weekend. I may not. I haven't decided yet. Because it's my choice - right? Not a choice made for me by my wine rack.

Celery don't think about the weekend. That has been the downfall of many a babe, me included . Just stick to the here and now. Well done for deciding to stay off the wine this evening.

Ma I think you need something to focus on, some direction? Your job isn't as fun as it used to be, the weather has put paid to your running for a while and it costs too much to go out much these days! I've got a wedding to go to at the weekend and a holiday cottage three weeks after. Have you got anything to look forward to? I'm not suggesting for one moment that you haven't, just guessing really 'cos you sound a little fed up x

Hello again

Grey - it sounds as though you don't want to give up drinking to me. Certainly not forever, which is cool, no-one has FOREVER on their mind. How about cutting it back if a whole bottle doesn't hit?

I hope you don't think I'm judging you, far from it.... I just think that if one bottle isn't enough, what will it take? And that more than a bottle per night is dangerous, more so than just the one bottle.

I think you should seriously think about the 'help' you mention, but how about in the morning you read back what you've posted and take it from there?

I mean this in the nicest way you know? You need to realise that a bottle a night, that no longer 'hits the spot' is a slippery slope my lovely xx

celery - do you have a good relationship with your XH? I can see that you really miss your boys . Massive hug to you xx

Hello Celery, the babes will be of great support. I have had four rescued greyhounds, each one so beautiful, so gentle and kind, even after being through such torment, particularly one of them. I called him Gordon (Flash Gordon) he had been tethered when he was with travelers, they had used him for coursing, and he had broken the tie around his leg, and had a huge scar. I loved him so much and trusted him completely. He was melancholic, and used to look across the fields so wistfully sometimes. It makes me weepy just to think of him.

Greyhound, a bottle would not have touched the sides with me at my peak, I could easily get rid of two, three on a bad night, although I saw that as a good night, the insanity of it all. You sound full of melancholy too. Just try to look on the most positive side if you can. You haven't hurt anyone or yourself. You are still not accepting of the situation as is, the time will be right for you, and when you decide then help will be there, whether you choose the bus or a rl solution. I hope you get a decent night's sleep. It took many attempts for me to stop, and I had to desperately.

Mouse, I really feel for you and your poor DF. So sad too.

Hope everyone has a safe week. After a lovely anniversary weekend full of treats and spoiling, really not feeling like work tomorrow Nevermind, onward and upward.

Ma - I can almost see you sat glaring at those four walls........ and wishing yourself out of there.

Are your DDs still abroad? How is DS? You seem so flat lovely xx

Nemo is poorly, yet again. Why is it always him to get every bloody germ? Grrr. I think he's got DH's cold even though we all try to keep our distance when we are poorly.....

Sarah - sorry I missed your anniversary. Glad you had a lovely time xx

My poor DF worries me so much. I just know that he didn't sign up for this, long story, but he has a heart of gold, he is kind and caring, generous, true... he is just so open.

If my sister does get to come to Nemo's Baptism, he will no doubt have had to bend over backwards to make it happen. The saddest part of all is that he said to me that he just wants to be able to spend time with his grandson, and have a nice day.

I really could weep for him.

Talking of Nemo, best put him into bed now his feed has finished. Tomorrow is a busy day, pre-school Wednesday, more to do Thursday and Friday..... I still can't believe that Nemo is now three! I keep looking at him and smiling.

He said to me earlier, "Mummy bear, more toast" and signed the Makaton for toast. He is like a little sponge, he soaks it all up and saves it for when he needs it.

I think I may be a bit OTT about him?

Nemo sounds like a ray of sunshine, Mouse. I love hearing about him. :)

Greyhound I hope you're drinking plenty of water? Don't worry about forever, just make sure you're okay tonight.

Mia I hope you're feeling less blah.

Ma more hugs. They feel terribly inadequate.

Happy anniversary Sarah, I know what you mean about not wanting to work tomorrow!

A big mwah to all the other Babes.

hello babes. Yesterday I felt so full of boing, I almost thought about quitting, or at least not having anything till next weekend!

But have realised it was the effect of a weekend without the kids, now they're back and after 2 hours of arguing about why nothing except fish and chips would not be a healthy long-term diet, I am ready to go back on the booze

Luckily I don't have any in the house right now.

Hugs to everyone, mia I haven't seen you around? are you okay?

hey all, I'm ok. don't worry. work is very unsettling certainly but it's job for the time being which is something to be thankful for. All DCs are home these days so the house (flat) is very crowded. DD1 will go out to Spain at the end of August to work with the same family DD2 was with. DD2 has an audition on Wednesday but not much else on the horizon, and DS is doing well. he has made a friend and is actually staying over at his house tonight - on a school night!! big step for him.
I'm not in the mood to be teetotal, no real reason. Boredom probably

Mouse Nemo sounds lovely. I don't know his back story but my youngest has just turned three and is totally wonderful! I have a reasonably good relationship with my X however he has just called (at 9.20pm) as the boys wanted to say hello and my 5year old was in proper tears as he'd just hurt himself. It's awful speaking to your child on the phone when they're upset. I just want them home so I can cuddle them (and make sure they get to bed on time). My X is one of those man-child types. Has no apparent ability to be a responsible adult.

Sarah thanks for the welcome and happy anniversary!

Well, no alcohol today. Going to get an early night, school tomorrow and then home to two wired and tired children. Night night all. x

Mouse your DF sounds like such a sweet man just trying to keep the peace, what burdens he must carry, I can imagine how you feel. Mine used the excuse of the extremely well, extreme DM to drink himself to death, I could do nothing to stop him, his mind was made up. You and Nemo are a true inspiration, and I am quite sure he is so proud of you.

Yes Sunny 24 years of the best and worst of times, but we made it, been quite a marriage one way and another!! Thanks you and Mouse for the good wishes.
xx

Ma sorry you are feeling blue, maybe some good weather might help with the mood a bit. God knows we all could do with some sunshine.

24 years! That's amazing :)

Thank you all so much for your lovely words

I'm off to bed, , it's been a very long day. I'm going to sleep in with Nemo due to his cough. His tube is a choking hazard and as slim a chance it is for it to get dislodged, it's still a risk, so, I get to snuggle him all night long.

It's a tough job but someone has to do it

Night Babes - stay Brave, stay safe xx

Hi everyone.

I'm ok thanks Joey. bit of a crappy day, and I drank too much this weekend. How was yours? I know what you mean about the kids driving you to drink - I find it much easier to resist when DD's at her dad's. It's fine during the day, but approaching that 5pm witching hour I start getting really irritable and she seems to be grumpier and more demanding (that's prob just my increased irritability though).

Soma I did drink more than I'd intended to. Last night I got pissed on an empty stomach whilst cooking the dinner and I can't remember eating it, or anything much after that. I woke up at 4am feeling all anxious and wrong, and couldn't get back to sleep. I haven't been that pissed since I first climbed aboard the bus, so I guess it's a good thing that this was an unusual event rather than most nights the way it was before.

Mouse usually I'm very much a hair of the dog person - however badly hungover I am, I'll feel shit all day but then perk up by 5/6pm and want a glass of wine. Today though, I was actually quite relieved that I wasn't drinking this evening. I think that's probably a first for me, to feel anything other than irritable and resentful that I can't drink. We ate early (a dish that usually I'd feel was lacking something not to have a glass of red with), and watched both episodes of the bridge on sky +. Again, I was quite looking forward to tonight because I knew I'd be sober and we could watch that - can't follow subtitles when I'm pissed. Then I came up to clean my teeth and DD came into the bathroom to go to the loo. She looked at me in the harsh light of the bathroom and I felt really glad that I could look at her without feeling embarrassed that I must look pissed and bleary eyed.

All in all then, I suppose today wasn't so bad if it's made me realise that I don't enjoy or miss drinking as much as I did. I still wanted to drink this weekend though, and was doing that 'killing time until wine time' thing in my head. Oh I don't know, I'm feeling too flat and dull for any introspection at the mo.

Sorry not to be bringing much positivity to the thread at the moment. I'm a bit drearily self absorbed.

greyhound hang in there babe - you can do this and you will when the time is right. Just keep posting. When I typed that I could hear Dory in Finding Nemo singing 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming...'. Mouse maybe we can get your gorgeous Nemo to sing 'just keep posting, just keep posting' for us.

Sunny did you make good progress with your kitchen cupboards? After my big productive week in the loft I haven't done a single damn thing in the way of tidying since, so there are still boxes and piles of random crap in the bedroom and hall that used to be in the loft.

Celery I do that justification thing too where I think 'oh well I don't drink that much, I haven't really got a problem...'. I think it's how you feel inside though, isn't it - I know that I drink too much, too often and for the wrong reasons, and that the amount I was drinking is not a healthy amount for me.

Sarah Happy Anniversary.

Celery I remember when I first divorced how hard it was for me when DD was staying with her dad, I missed her so much and worried that he wasn't looking after her properly. But it all turned out fine and eventually I started to enjoy having me time (although that's when the solitary drinking started to kick in).

It's great that you get on with your ex OK and the DCs will gain so much from having two loving parents who behave well towards eachother. I've grown to respect my ex a great deal because he's such a great dad and my DD is a secure and happy girl.

Mia you drank a bottle of wine, you feel a bit crap today, so just leave it at that. As Venus said to me earlier, it doesn't undo what you've been doing up till now and may even help you in your journey. You'll sleep well tonight at any rate :) Tomorrow is another day, nite nite everyone xx