The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

I hoping that a quiet evening on here yesterday means that many are enjoying a nice holiday weekend.

Just rushing in quickly before a busy day. See you all later.

Hello - not posted for yonks for various reasons but been lurking.

I'm doing well, cut down loads as intended, though not feeling as boingy as I did during weeks of total absintence. As many have said, it's the planning/strategising/deciding that does your head in.

And for me it's the tension surrounding my dh's drinking. I start off each day telling myself a) he's an adult and can do what he wants b) I can't force him to change anyway and c) this is my journey not his and I can't expect him to suddenly jump to the same page. But when he's had a few drinks I either get stressed or I say something or go quiet etc, really not sure how to handle it and where to put my feelings. I've got to the stage of cringeing at the kids smelling beer/wine on him. I don't want them to associate that smell with normality/family. He's not a 'bad drunk', he doesn't seem noticeably hammered even after a bottle of wine or so, he's lovely actually. And he's never done anything terrible or forgotten to do anything or driven drunk etc etc etc - it doesn't negatively impact us in any way other than his future health and poor role modelling for the dc. But those two reasons are pretty big aren't they?

Your DP sounds lovely Mia and so glad this "glitch" hasn't caused too much upset. Well, I have a stronger prescription in one eye than the other and pretty bad astigmatism so know exactly what you mean! But it's the not remembering what you read the night before that's the killer!

But the best thing about not drinking yesterday is waking up this morning, doing DD and her friends a nice breakfast and knowing that I won't feel like death warmed up later this afternoon (hangovers always affect me that way - OK in the morning and then a dreadful tiredness/flatness hits me and I go to bed feeling like shit). Anyway day 5 for me, will try so hard to resist offers of g&t, wine at my parents because I know that even if I have just one or two it'll make me think I can drink normally.

Hope you had a great sleep Carrie, what are your plans for today? It's nice to hear from you Proud and well done. The two reasons for your DH to do something about his drinking are absolutely HUGE - have you really sat him down and told him how worried you are about the health implications, that you want your children to grow up with a father who's not selfishly putting his life at risk? And if his drinking is causing daily tension between you that will adversely affect your relationship without a doubt. You're right, you can't get him to change, he has to do it for himself, you're doing a great job looking after yourself but he does have a responsibility to his family.

Have a great day everyone, may check in again later whilst at the ageing parents - they're bound to be pressing all sorts of buttons and I'll need to escape...

Morning all

Busy day ahead here too. Lots to do but will pop in and out if I can.

Proud it's a tough one, I'm not sure what I would do. You can't force him to drink less, that's for sure.

Do you know how he feels about his drinking? Has he said that he would like to cut down. What if he were another babe here, what would you advise him to do then?

I think that rather than show your disapproval, maybe you could accept how he drinks for now and work together on strategies to avoid drinking in the future? Maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with those cravings?

Is he in denial, or does he happily recognise the amount he drinks and how often? Most people who drink heavily often say they will only have 'a couple' of drinks when they know this is not going to happen. This is denial.

Ma I dyed my hair yesterday too. Chestnut. It went alarmingly red at first but has calmed down now.

How is everyone else today? The sun is shining here

soma, if you can get through today, I reckon you can get through anything! Make sure you arrive well-hydrated, and keep a diazepam tablet in your handbag ... good luck! Don't blow it, you are doing so well, I think we can all sense your up-beatness (is that a word?!)

Proud, I have nothing to add that others haven't already said - it's hard enough struggling with your own drinking, without having your nearest and dearest appearing to have no insight into their own. The closest I have come to what you are experiencing is my own mother, drinking half-bottles of whisky, despite me crying and pleading with her to stop ... painful memories. I ain't going there with my own daughters.

Day 10 here. I got up early and went bell-ringing at the cathedral - another hobby I'm planning to make more time for. Plenty of to-dos today - I'm about to write them all down, and see if I can do at least half of them!

Have a good Sunday, everyone x

Morning, boing!!

I haven't caught up with posts sorry but wanted to check in and mark 6 weeks sober. I can't say I miss it at all. I do have cravings but it passes if I wait it out.

Hope everyone doing ok xx

6 weeks that's bloody fantastic MsGee!

Thanks soma. I hope it goes well at your folks' today. Promise yourself that you'll check in here before lifting the glass to your lips if you're tempted to have a drink. Think how strong you'll feel afterwards if you can sit out a big trigger like that. You've come such a long way just in the few weeks i've 'known' you on here - just keep that progress uppermost in your mind and focus on the goal - being a sober, good mother for your DD. I know you can do it.

Proud ooh it's a tricky one, isn't it, about your DH. I can understand totally why you want him to cut down, but I really think it has to come from him. I've learned to my cost lately that it isn't worth pushing another adult to do something they don't want to do or aren't ready for (hence I've got Wedding crossed off on my calendar). I'm probably way off the mark here but do you think that on some level you might be projecting a bit onto your DH? I know that you've found it quite easy to cut right down with your drinking, so I'm wondering why it's irking you quite so much that he's still drinking...could there be an element of there that he's still enjoying unfettered drinking pleasure while you're a model of restraint? Hope I haven't offended you, I'm just chucking ideas in the ring, really. I would also be pretty pissed off if DP was merrily getting pissed every night. He's definitely moderated his intake during the week, although he is still drinking. Have you discussed this with DH and told him how you feel?

Carrie bell ringing sounds great fun, and certainly not something you'd be wanting to do with a hangover!

Faire I am of your sunshine. 'Tis grey and drizzly miserable here again. We're going to go for a decent long walk today though, hoping the weather might miraculously improve over the border into West Sussex.

Morning all, back from DMIL. It's so nice to be home.

house full of family and too skint to go out anywhere. Took my frustration out by pounding the pavements. managed 35 minutes run. A new personal best.

Well done ma. My personal best is 3 minutes to catch the train, followed by 20 minutes wheezing.

Ok, tomorrow is my Day One. Hmmm. Managed to go to a lunchtime party and not touch a drop. Most other people were knocking back the booze. If I had had one drink, I would have got wrecked, I just know it. Daytime drinking is always catastrophic for me.

Will drink tonight, but hope not excessively.

Everyone sounds like they are doing so well, that's fantastic

Thanks for replies re my lovely but boozy dh. Really, there's not a lot I can do. I know that. That's what I'm struggling with at the moment. He has to change himself. Yes, he's in denial - but not complete denial. He admits he drinks far too much and will try to rein it in but equally he will minimise and excuse etc. He's a great bloke and there is no way this is a dealbreaker. He's flawed, as am I. He's also four years younger than me so maybe that's something to do with not being where I am yet.

Anyhow good luck all and here's to a boingy week

Boing!

So pleased with myself, last night I turned down a g&t, drank wine/water with the meal and then.... (dramatic pause)

after everyone had gone to bed, I went to get a last glass of wine to take upstairs with me.... and stopped. I SWEAR it was all down to this board, I could hear all your voices in my head going 'what are you doing?!' 'you don't need that, just go to bed!' etc. It has been (I reckon) several years since I got in the habit of doing that when staying at friends/relatives, and I resisted

And when I got up this morning, didn't have to try and smuggle my wine-glass back downstairs to cover up that I'd carried on after going to bed. Boing!

And its this bus. All this talking & discussing & reading other peoples stories - the message was getting through. And having had less to start with (no g&t) the message actually made sense.

I will not become complacent and careless, but am really pleased that I felt so much more in control.

Hope everyone is having a good bank holiday weekend, despite the weather.

Thank you

greyhound
Why are you planning to drink tonight? You say you hope not excessively...you do know that hope has very little to do with it. Your drinking is not like the weather- it's not something that just happens, but something that you choose to do.

Whoop, whoop, well done joey

Mia you might not be getting married just yet but you and your dp have something to celebrate. You have a strong, committed relationship, with mutual love, trust and respect. You have something many people only dream about. You only have to read these boards to see that there are many difficult relationships out there.

Marriage means different things to different people. To to most of us though, it means what you already have. So I say go ahead and celebrate that day. You may have crossed the ceremony off your calendar but what about doing something really special, just the two of you, to celebrate your commitment to each other?

How about writing and exchanging your own promises. What about going somewhere special, or doing something silly, or romantic, or intimate that you can remember for ever. You can still exchange rings, or other gifts, or other special jewellery (eternity ring?). You can still share a special cake. You can still dance together. A marriage is not a day, a gathering, a toast, it is a lifetime of shared commitment and adventure x

isindie are you watching "A Civil Arrangement" on BBC4? Alison Steadman - brilliant

Hello Babes

Went out for a meal with DP and had one medium glass of white. Considering my average is usually 3 large (a bottle), I'm quietly pleased. However, zero glasses would have been better!

I hope all of you are well?

Sunny, for me, there are two different scenarios; drinking, alone, usually on an empty stomach, with the sole purpose of getting slaughtered, or slowly sipping a very moderate amount of alcohol with a meal, in pleasant company. The former gets me shit-faced, the latter I don't feel the effects of the alcohol at all. If I don't feel the effects, I don't want to carry on - it's the first 'hit' that is always my downfall. If that's the same for you, then is there a problem?

Soma how did lunch with the parents go? I hope your triggers weren't set off?

End of day 10 here :o Whoop whoop whoop!

Hello all. I think the time has come to hop on the bus. I have lost today to a hangover and have spent most of the afternoon/evening reading this entire thread and have been inspired to finally address my attitude to alcohol.

I already only mainly drink at the weekends although this varies from week to week. I just don't have the ability to only have one glass. I can happily polish off a bottle of red and not realise how much I've drunk. I always have that 'one extra glass', even when everyone else has stopped. I'm conscious that I probably stay too late at friends houses (and the friends I have are all drinkers too) and when out (like last night) I simply don't know/have the ability to stop.

I've been like this my whole adult like (early 40s now) - I'm fairly certain that for my entire 20s and 30s I only stopped drinking when pregnant. I regularly have weeks off here and there now but I want to be able to enjoy just the one glass of wine. Just one. Every single stupid thing I have done in my life is the result of drinking too much. I don't drink to get drunk though, I do actually love the taste of red wine!

I'm hoping that by posting on this thread I can cut down when I do drink and have a healthier attitude to alcohol. At the moment it's all or nothing and I want to find balance.

Hello celery and welcome

If you have read the thread you will already be aware of some of the strategies we use, so do you have a plan?

Hi celery and welcome. And a big 'well done' for posting - I know how scary it can feel the first time you put down in writing some of the facts about your drinking.

There are all sorts on here - some who find it easier in life to not drink at all (I'm in that group ); some who have cut down and drink very little and only occasionaly; some who aren't sure; some who are sure and know what they should do but are not yet in the place to make it happen. And all are welcome.

Hi faire - you sound great these days

Hi venus so do you! (fully paid up member of the mutual appreciation society)

Welcome, celery! I've been here for 10 days, and the support, inspiration and friendship I have received has meant I have not drunk at all in that time. Time will tell if I can keep it up, but it is the only thing for decades that has made a difference in stopping me repeating my self-destruct cycle over and over.

My habit is somewhat different to yours, so I'll let someone else give their take on your drinking ... but I'm sure you will find this place a haven as you tackle the booze.

Thanks for the welcome - I don't have a plan really.

Today was all about remorse. I felt really hungover (which I don't usually get, I suspect if I always got hangovers I wouldn't drink but I usually get off scot free) and I just thought enough's enough.

What I want to become is one of those people who has a full wine rack and chooses occasionally to enjoy a glass of wine. Not someone who has to abstain because an unopened bottle in the house means that I have to have a glass of wine.

tbh, I'm not sure really what I want but I know that the vast majority of my life has been badly influenced by aicohol and I want that to stop.

Will add more toothpaste to my Sainsbury's order as a starter