The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Morning everyone.

Sneaking in a quick check-in whilst DH is upstairs...

Saf, you'll stop feeling the need to eat too much soon. And you're completely right - your sobriety is far more important than your figure. And anyway, I think I remember you saying you're still a size 12? I rattle too. Got my agnus castus yesterday so a few more pills to pop each morning!

Mouse, hope you haven't succumbed to all the germs in your house? Have you found somewhere else to have the buffet? Great business sense of the other place!

Ma, sounds like you need to get out of the house. Can you go somewhere by yourself, or with the DC?? Even if it's just to the shopping centre. Might not be the most exciting day of your life, but it might help prevent tension/drinking too much tonight?

Buddy, well done for stopping at the one glass! That's hard to do!

Well it's grey, foggy and drizzly here. Excellent. My plan to do some exciting sporty things today has been scrapped due to the weather. And my boing has buggered off. Had a row with DH last night :( He's a good man and a fab dad but sometimes I think we are from different planets. Basically, he was 2 hours late home from work last night and I couldn't get through to him. He has two phones and both were just ringing out. After a while I was really starting to worry but when he walked through the door and told me that they were both still on silent from when he was at work (he had finished work an hour and a half ago...) I just went mad. We have had this conversation so many times (seriously - 10/20 times - big, serious discussions about how important it is that I can contact him) and each time he just says sorry (really insincerely) and then it happens again. I check my phone probably a hundred times a day to make sure no-one's trying to contact me, I just don't understand why he can't remember to switch his phone on at the end of the day. He says he just can't remember to do it... I feel like he's not thinking about us enough. We are not in the UK at the moment and we have no other family here so if there something serious/important does happen I/someone else needs to be able to contact him. I know I worry too much about something happening to one of us but surely it's not too much to ask for him to remember to switch his bloody phone off silent at the end of the day? Is it? Am I being unreasonable?? He thinks so :( He says he just can't promise that he won't forget again, although he says he will try... He's a clever and competent bloke normally but his memory for things like this is appalling. By the way, I never phone him when he's at work and I hate using the phone anyway so it's not like I'm pestering him all the time or crying wolf or anything. I am feeling very sad and hurt right now. I know I worry too much but if anything did ever happen to me or one of the kids and we couldn't contact him I could never forgive him. And I was worried about him last night. I was half expecting a visit from the police... I know my mind works overtime but he's really upset me. Sorry, this is long. Please tell me if I'm being silly (and not sensible) today.

Hope everyone's having a good day x

I'm going to have to start taking notes again. Forget to say well done to slotrightin for resisting last night! Feels good to wake up on a Saturday without a hangover doesn't it? :) When I think of all the days I've wasted...:(

Isinde, your DP sounds fab!! Have you tried the Manchester Buddhist Centre? It has an amazing cafe (with lots of vegan food as well as veggie). Website says it does external catering. Not sure whether they could do wedding cakes but might be worth asking? Hope the plans are going well.

Sunny, you're sounding good :)

Where is Blanket and Huey and Rain and Ginger (and probably loads of others I can't remember right now )? Hope you're all OK.

silly - do give it a few months before you decide if they're working - they act upon the pituatory gland to balance hormones - good science behind them. i was taking it a while when i suddenly realised actually things have been a lot better. it sort of sneaks up on you.

ma - i hate weekends too a lot of the time.

isinde - is leeds north west? i have no geography i'm afraid but if it is i may know someone who'd be the right person to ask iyswim as she's vegan, lived in leeds and got married there - can't guarantee she'd know but probably the best demographic you can find

hope everyone's ok. i have a random neighbourhood child in my house which is a bit off putting but the price to pay for wanting to get a bit of a playing out and calling for each other culture going on in the street - want ds to have that sort of community and overall i reckon life will be easier and better for it just a bugger it's impacting on me when i want to get on and pack!

Hi Isindie

You could try Slattery's in Manchester - they do amazing wedding cakes

0161 767 9303 xxxx

Morning all

I'm not starving myself. I'm not even dieting really. I call it dieting because I am trying to stick within 1000 cals a day which is obviously quite drastic but I do it by eating really healthy, low fat, low salt food, loads of veggies, etc. and I just don't feel hungry. It's difficult to start with because my body needs to adjust but once I get going I really do feel like I am treating myself with all this good stuff!

If I fancy high calorie junk I have it occasionally, once a week or once a fortnight and if I don't lose weight that week I just call it 'maintaining'. In the past I would have thought 'I've blown it now' and carry on eating, but now I eat it, enjoy it and then get back on to the good, healthy diet the next day.

I am trying to make changes for life, but once I get down to a regular weight I will hopefully be maintaining a lot more and having those occasional 'treats'. The thing I miss most is cheese

Of course, none of this was possible when I was drinking most days because my calories all went on alcohol, so that definately had to be tackled first.

Saf will you still be in contact with us whilst you are in Ireland?

Joey when you are tired, or vulnerable in other ways, and that little voice starts whispering in your ear, it is so hard to resist. Your list is great, it's a really good strategy to use to avoid that first drink. I would add one important point right at the start. Today I am not drinking. That was the decision when you woke in the morning. That decision is made and needs no more thinking time. So it could be a timely reminder to have at the top of your list x

SSSM I always think that, no matter how neurotic it may seem, if it's important to one person, the other should respect that. Perhaps your dh could get into a new habit of phoning you each day to say he's on his way? That way, his phone would be on. Maybe he needs something to trigger him to ring you. A photo on the dash of his car?

Island how are you doing?

Obrigada lovely to hear from you, are you ok?

Isinde your life is never simple is it?

not sure faire - haven't decided whether to take laptop or leave it. pros are having things to watch late at night in bed if i can't sleep and still being able to be an internet junky. cons are more stuff to carry and the thought that maybe if i just take my kindle i'll do lots of reading and improve my sleeping/get back into the habit of actually going to bed to sleep type thing.

sorry didn't mean to imply you or anyone was starving themselves btw! just me and my extremes.

I realise that Saf x

If you don't take the laptop, how about keeping a diary so you can update us when you get back? A virtual postcard if you like

Hi Babes. There are so many posts I don't know where to start!

isinde you could try this

Silly try to always take the Vitex supplement first thing in the morning, as this is when the pituitary gland is supposedly most active (it acts on the hypothalmic-pituitary-adrenal axis). Could you get a cheap pay-as-you-go handset for your DH that is only for you to phone him on. That way he can leave it on all the time knowing that you will only ring him during work hours if it's an emergency?

Soma what's your plan for not succumbing to temptation at your Dparents'?

SSSM that we would drive me mad- poor you. Anxiety is crippling and it doesn't help if you can't get that through to your nearest and dearest. Without making it into your problem not his (and in this case it's not about anxiety, most non anxious people would be pretty pissed off if their DP was randomly incomunicado so often; can you put in place strategies so that it doesn't happen again? Call him at work just before he leaves, or suggest it and sees what he says- can he set his phone so he still sees messages?

saf it would be relaxing to just take a kindle- could you update one of us by text and we could have a 'from our Dublin correspondant' feature.

Also, for the insomniacs and ipod listeners, one thing I find really helps with my sleep (which has always been crap) is listening to Michel Thomas language courses on my ipod. Listening to the course takes enough concentration to stop my mind spinning and worrying and all the non-sleepy things it usually does, without being stimulating enough to get me thinking about things (like listening to music or podcasts do).

The format is that he tells you what sentence to formulate (in whatever language you're learning), and you have to pause the audio track, formulate the sentence in your head, then unpause it to hear the students and Michel say it. For me the key thing is that pausing and trying to formulate the sentence then takes active thought, but in a non stimulating way. So normally I'd be lying there and trying to fall asleep and every time I'd do that lovely 'drifting' thing, I'd think 'ooh I'm falling asleep at last!' and snap back to consciousness. With this though, I find that my mind drifts as I'm trying to formulate the sentence, and if I notice and snap back to consciousness, I just think 'oh I was falling asleep - never mind, what was that sentence I was working out...' and I fall asleep much more quickly.

I think I've conditioned myself quite successfully now so that I don't even need to do the pausing any more, just the quiet sound of the voices gets me drifting off quite well. Also, one of the things I find really frustrating about insomnia is all the time it wastes - all those hours of lying there doing nothing except not sleeping! So this way even if I don't drop off then I'm broadening my mind a bit by learning a language. I tried the In Our Time podcasts from R4, but that didn't work at all, I was staying awake because I was listening and interested. It's something about the non-stimulating activity that does it - like the trick of counting backwards from 100 in 3s. It's got to be just stimulating enough to occupy your mind, without getting you thinking about stuff.

Bloody hell. What an essay!

saf do you think that being 'offline' (if you don't take the laptop) would allow you to relax more? Or do you want to keep in touch with your support network here?

I know what everyone means about the weight thing. I'm steadily gaining, as I've been eating vast amounts of cheese, puddings etc. I might try sticking to a low GI diet from Monday, now that the not drinking during the week thing is getting established.

Ma I hope you get out and about today, despite the weather. I can never be arsed to go out when it's grey and raining, but I know I feel better when I do. All cooped up and bored together is a bit of a recipe for disaster.

Hope your pain's not too awful today.

Faire, Help, Mia, thanks ever so much for your replies :) Some great ideas there. I was feeling kind of hopeless about the problem, now I feel like there are some new strategies to try .

Isinde I hope you like the Buddhist Centre! I'm sure you will but I haven't been for a few years. Unless they've been taken over by Wetherspoons I reckon you'll like it though . I love, love, love that place. So calming and uplifting. V v good food and v good for the soul at the same time. You must let us know what you think, and what you all had to eat .

Hope everyone's doing OK.

Hi all, just came to post to say I had an awful craving just now and almost went out and bought wine. Despite the fact that DD has a sleepover tonight with two friends over and if I'd started drinking I would have ended up making a fool of myself and worse. I hope you won't judge me but the GP prescribed some diazepam the other day to help with withdrawal and I took one and the craving's gone and all the associated anxiety. She only gave me a short course and I won't be getting anymore so there's no way I'll get to rely on it.

Mia my strategy for dealing with parents tomorrow will be to eat lots as my mum just piles the food on us. If I eat, I generally don't drink much. How much are you planning to drink this weekend, are you going out? Saf I'd just take the kindle if I were you, make it a complete change of routine and give yourself loads of space to relax. So far I've resisted buying one as I love books but I can see the advantages, especially when travelling. And the joy of being able to download something at the touch of a button is very tempting indeed! DD is asking for one and if it encourages her reading, I'm all for it.

have dyed my hair and it is turning a very vibrant purple...eeek, how much longer to go?

ma is it supposed to be purple?

soma whatever gets you through the craving, at the moment, I reckon - if valium's there and it helps, then I'm not judging you, that's for sure. I guess it's a question of finding other ways of removing the anxiety and feeling more relaxed, so that you don't become dependent on the valium.

Nope not going out because we never go out this weekend. It should have been my 'hen night' trip away with my oldest friend to celebrate my impending wedding, but that's not happening now as wedding cancelled, so just the usual eating and drinking. I drank about a bottle last night; half a white, half a red. Probably around the same tonight, although I'm feeling a bit fed up so more tempted to drink too much. This weather really doesn't help - too cold and damp to enjoy being outside.

mia nah, I think the box said "dark cherry" or "mahogany" or some such, but I actually quite like it now. Makes me feel like mutton dressed as lamb young again.

Well done, Soma! I bet this time last week you would have given in. No one will judge you about the diazepam - it's just a stop-gap, and if it's done the trick, great - it's a lot less harmful than the alcohol.

Having woken up with a boing, I'm feeling so lethargic now, and the inertia is crippling. I'm in the house on my own, and I'm determined to make the most of my 'me-time'. I would have just got shit-faced and passed out on the sofa in my former life.

This weather is just such crap. I'm certain it's helping nobody!

no judgment here soma.

carrie how about pouring a nice bath and taking a book in with you? soak up the peace and quiet and settle into the evening?

i think i'm just about fully packed now - god knows what is in the bag - i'm hoping my friend just lends me a big sloppy jumper when i get there and then i'll live in that and my trackie bottoms except when i have to leave the house for meetings i hate getting dressed for no good reason and i love being warm and comfortable. am going with just the kindle and camera and will take my ipod as there is a sleep hypnosis track on there that may come in handy if i'm struggling.

soon i shall be pouring myself a nice bath and doing what i suggested you do carrie. might take a cup of tea with me and hopefully finish the book i'm reading by edith warton (think that's her name). only just started reading her - so far 'age of innocence' and currently, 'summer' but have another few lined up. liking her very much. good thing with the kindle is all the free books that you can just instantly add - makes you go back and revisit the classics and fill in the gaps if you're a cheapskate like me

Hope you have a great time saf - sounds like you'll be able to really recharge your batteries and consolidate all the incredibly positive changes you've made lately.

Dark cherry sounds good to me ma - a lot more interesting and attractive than the 'dull mid brown increasingly threaded with grey' that I'm currently (always) sporting.

I'm not getting as much pleasure as I'd like from my first glass of wine - feeling a bit flat and crap today, and disappointed in myself for wanting to really feel the effects of the wine. It really isn't just the taste of good wine I'm after, is it.

Blimey, tumbleweed in here again...

I'm here Mia! But I'm about to go to distract myself on the piano, then have a bath with a book, as saf suggested. Saturday nights alone are a danger point for me - but I'm hanging in there. I'd love a glass of wine (or 4) but I WILL NOT.

I know what you mean about the taste of wine. I could drink vinegar as long as it had an alcohol content. I never drink/drank wine for the taste, only and exclusively to get off my face

Another one home alone Carrie - well sort of, DD has friends for a sleepover but they've all disappeared upstairs to her room in the loft and I've been banned to the living room. Suits me...Luckily after my gut-wrenching craving earlier, I haven't wanted a drink, so will get through another day booze-free.

Sounds like the piano is proving a great distraction for you. Playing an instrument is such an absorbing activity isn't it, you can forget everything for a little while. I'm not that accomplished but it still gives me great pleasure. What you do enjoy playing? Just think, when you climb into bed you'll feel so pleased you didn't succumb earlier and can look forward to a hangover-free Sunday. Aren't you glad you didn't get shit-faced and pass out on the sofa :)

Are you enjoying your evening Mia? Have you and DP resolved things after the change to your wedding plans? You haven't mentioned it much so I hope things have settled down. Well, I'm off to the sanctuary of my bedroom to read. I'm getting through a couple of books a week at the moment, it's one of life's greatest pleasures. But only when sober; reading with one eye closed because I'm too hammered to focus properly is no fun at all... Nite nite babes xx

Hello I'm here. Carrie I hope you enjoyed your bath and book, and made some wonderful piano music.

Saturday's are hard, I think, because it's very ingrained to get pissed on the weekend night. I've been kidding myself that it's not just about getting pissed for me, that it's the taste and sophisticated palate of the wine that's doing it for me too. Only I've looked at how desperately I've been looking forward to Fri & Sat night 'wine time', and I've acknowledged that it's really not about the bouquet; it's about getting pissed.

Soma well done on another sober day! Yes things are alright with DP because he's a bloody good man and our relationship is strong enough to weather this. It does hurt looking at the calendar for May though, with Portsmouth! crossed off for this weekend and Wedding crossed off for the 25th. There's no getting around that. I mentioned it very briefly earlier, just to make sure he's aware - I don't want a discussion or drama or anything, but I do want him to be aware and appreciate that I'm not making any sort of fuss over it. but make him feel sufficiently guilty... It's all fine, anyhow.

God I so know what you mean with the closing one eye. Funnily enough it's the image I always have of my dad; closing one eye to focus better when he was pissed. I absolutely do it when I'm reading, even if I'm not that drunk, because my prescription is twice as bad in one eye, and I've got a touch of astygmatism so my eyes slip out of focus very easily. That's one thing that'll stop me drinking so much is that I know that reading when I'm half cut means the pissed squint and not remembering what I've read the next day. Yesterday I got the latest Southern Vampire Mysteries novel, and I wanted to be sober enough to read when I went to bed last night. I wanted to finish it yesterday but made myself stop so that I could fully remember and savour the ending today!