The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

you see soma you hold on to a belief that when the cravings hit 'you're toast'.

For a long, long time I held on to a belief that when 'the craving' hit, that it wouldn't go away, and that it would get worse and worse and worse - like appendicitus or toothache. But by experimenting with all of this I was astonished (and then reassured) to find out that alcohol cravings are NOT like an inceasing pain. And if I could get through that (relatively) very short period of intense agonising craving, then it diminished to a big hurt, or sometimes to a dull ache.

In no way do I underestimate how agonising and intense it feels at the time, but please, do believe me, that intensity does not last for ever, and it does not kill you (and I sometimes thought it might). My beliefs were not real, they were another illusion that alcohol had cast.

The thing about Antabuse is that it gives you a breathing space. Nothing more than that. It gives you time to get over the triggers, and create new habits.

For me my triggers were:

1. Drink after work (every day)
2. Rail travel
3. Plane travel
4. Any sort of meal (except breakfast, which i never eat)
5. Sitting at my desk at home
6. Going out (anywhere). Theatre, cinema, meals, friends houses.

So I have to use my Antabuse break to find other healthier things to do other than drink at those trigger points.

It is NOT a cure. It is an enforced break that hopefully enables you to find a cure. The standard length of prescription time is 3 months. You could probably blag it out to 6 months. But you have to find a cure in the interim.

My drinking was substantially worse than yours, if that is any help. I was up to 100+ units a week. It had to stop or I risked ruining my DCs lives.

soma, I feel for you so much. The fact that you're on this thread shows how much you want to do this and you will. From what you've said, I do think Antabuse could really help you and GPs can prescribe it - it doesn't have to be prescribed by a specialist. Do you have a good relationship with your GP or, if not, is there another one you could ask to see? Tomorrow is another day, hang on in there and know that we're all here for you.
Well done Carrie, I've just done day 2 and haven't completed day 4 for a good six months - it's always been my undoing point so I know the next few days are going to be tough for me so it's really inspiring that you managed to resist. Sleep well, brave babes.

soma I echo what other Babes have said about seeing your GP. You are not alone - we are with you. xxx

Hello again. Wow Soma you've had some great advice here from the voices of experience - I can feel the power and positivity running through the thread! I hope you're feeling a bit better, and that you speak to your GP tomorrow. If you tell the doctor what you've told us, hopefully they can get you the help you need. Don't give up - you will find a way to beat this.

I'm fine, apart from niggling virus. It's been surprisingly easy not to drink last night and tonight. Had some yearnings earlier but they were easy enough to ride out. I used almost all of the remaining white wine in the dinner, and managed not to cast covetous glances at the half empty bottle of red on the sideboard while making the dinner. I made my fruity choccy muffins, and I reckon two of those provides just as much mouth pleasure as a glass of red anyway.

Phew, I have had a crazy evening. Something kicked off in the (extended) family this evening, resulting in drunken phone calls. Not good. I have the answerphone switched on and am going to soak in a bath for half an hour. I feel emotionally drained and very angry at the same time.

Some of my family I feel so desperately for and want to help and support and the rest of them I want to bury in a big hole . Unfortunately they don't see each other like that.

So the ones I want to help want me to converse with the ones I want to bury and that can't happen. I have too much self preservation. But I feel like I am letting the others down. Aaarrggghhhh!!

Strangely though, no urge to drink. Just had an orange, mango and cinnamon tea. Right bubbles beckon. Calm will soon be restored.

soma I am on ADs (for anxiety not depression) I don't find they really affect alcohol (but then I would choose to ignore any warning that said 'avoid taking with alcohol...) but interested to read what fairenuff said about the ADs being less effective if drinking??

My evening finished early and I nearly went to Sainsburys on the way home - but didn't! Have a nice cup of lemon and ginger tea now.

Found you again - forgot about threads filling up and needing to follow the Bus to the new thread. Sail that Ark/Raft/Yacht over to Thailand - its absolutely scorching here and we could really use some rain. Its hard to explain how hideous the heat is (I didn't believe people when they said that I would end up being sick of hot, hot, hot) but it is exhausting. I want to come over all Jane Austen and lie on a sofa with some smelling salts and a fan.

Saf - 3 weeks is AMAZING, well done you. And hello again JWN, your voice on this thread is so helpful, so full of wise words and positive energy. Love it.

Soma darling, there is no shame in saying I need help to your GP, he will have heard it all before and really won't judge you. One thing I've been amazed by on my journey is how unjudgmental most people have been about what I'm doing. You get the odd tosser, but in general people have been nothing but supportive or not in the slightest bit bothered, both of which work for me.

Venus is right about the craving - I too thought it would just be unbearable and get worse and worse like toothache. And it actually turned out not to be like that at all. For sure, I'd get a craving at some points (mainly situation based, so certain triggers would get me obsessing), and it would get worse and worse to the point that I thought the tension would make me crack. A bit like a string on a violin getting wound tighter and tighter and you are just waiting for that snapping point. But, guess what? It never snapped - it actually started to pass, and the tension moved away. It is doable. Really it is. And its absolutely totally fine to want help to cope with it. So get thee to the GP.

Hopefully well done on the Antabuse - how are you feeling on it?

Where's the lovely Mouse gone?

Morning all!

Just checking in before I take myself off to work. How great is it to be able to turn up with a smile on my face and a halo on my head :o

Day six today - and I feel different to any of the day sixes that have gone before. I just feel that I can really do it this time. Probably because I know now what huge company I am in, and the perspectives, experiences and advice of all you lovely people is AMAZING.

Off I go with a BOING. See y'all later, have a good, positive and hopeful day xx

Good morning everyone. Feeling scared, sick but a little bit hopeful this morning.Thank you for all the support last night and this morning, I don't know what I'd do without this thread.

I'm off to phone the GP now and get and urgent appointment and then will have to call in sick to work which I hate doing. But I am sick aren't I and if I don't do something right now I'll get even sicker. Will report back later and huge thanks again to you all x x

Good luck Soma - keep us posted. xx

Soma best of luck, hope it goes well.

I have been on the sidecar for five days :( Tonight, however, I will not drink and I will enjoy a decent night's sleep.

Thank you! Have made an appointment for 11 and it's all OK with me not going into work. So feeling much more optimistic now and knowing I'm doing the right thing. Have a nice sober night tonight Greyhound!

DD suspects I'm drinking again and last night she said she'd noticed I'd been acting "differently" and was very worried. I made up a white lie about being on some medication and told her everything was all right. She was so relieved she started crying and said "I was just so worried you were drinking again." :(
Enough said.

Will think of you all when I'm in with the GP :) xx

Soma think of us all being there virtually holding your hand if you need it (and ignore us if you don't).

If you're worried you might not be able to be frank when face to face with the doc, it might be an idea to write down what you want to say before you go - that way if you clam up, you can refer to your notes or even just hand the note over. Appointments can go very quickly and I've been in that situation where I've metaphorically kicked myself when I came out as I remembered all the things I meant to say/ask.

Greyhound we've been keeping your seat warm for you on the bus, so hop back on board and we will all shuffle up.

Morning all just flying through but had to say to Soma, keep your nerve, put the battle bus armour on, and remember without this albatross around your neck, your choices are limitless. Courage is fear in action.

All the babes are just what you need, full of compassion and good will and that is what will make your journey successful.

Good luck xx

Stay safe everyone

soma I agree very much with TBOM about writing things down.

Firstly write down that although you've been drinking, you are being safe around your dd. Then write down about the impact on your mental health, and how desperate and scared you feel. Also write down what you have tried (and what hasn't worked yet). Then write down what you would really like in the way of help.

If you feel at any point that the doc is not hearing what you say, go back over it again.

Good luck.

Soma well done for making the GP appointment. I second what tbom says above about having a a note with you about what you want you to say and what you want done. It's so easy to feel rushed and forget things or not feel able to assert yourself when faced with a harried GP who's running late, feeling stressed and might seem a bit dismissive or unsympathetic. Hopefully yours will be understanding but I know you've had a bad experience before so go prepared. If she/ he isn't willing to prescribe antabuse then say you need an emergency referral to addiction services because you can't go on like this. You could mention that you've joined an online forum for problem drinkers, that you're desperate to change for the sake of your daughter, that you've tried andl tried to do this alone but you need help etc. Don't let them fob you off.

We'll all be thinking about you at 11 o'clock - sending the cynical alkie MN equivalent of my DM's pagan 'white light and healing energy'.

just keep the image of your DD crying over your drinking uppermost in your mind. You can do this for her Soma - you must do this for her. X

Cross-posted, so actually I third or even fourth what tbom said...

Morning all.

The sun is out and I must admit to a slight boing :) First one I've had in ages, so I am going to appreciate it while I lasts!

Soma, good luck with your appointment. Good advice there to write it down. It's an important and emotional subject, so the notes might be very helpful. We'll be thinking of you x

Faire, it sounds like you had a tough night :( You poor thing, you don't deserve all that. Good for you for going the self-preservation route (and of course that will in turn be protecting Hose and your DC). And huge respect to you for not turning to the evil vino. A nice bath and the answerphone switched on sounds far more sensible. Hope you're feeling OK today x

Carrie I can practically hear your boinging from here :o That's fan-bloody-tastic. Well done you :)

Greyhound, tonight you will not drink and you will sleep better and tomorrow will feel a whole lot different to today. Come and post here tonight if you get tempted. We'll try and bully you into pouring it away talk you out of it :)

Hope everyone else is doing OK. Blimey doesn't the sun make a difference to how you feel? And a good, sober night's sleep. For the first time in weeks none of the DC woke up, the wind didn't wake me up, and I didn't wake in an alcohol-induced state of insomnia either. Long may it last... Well I am off to help out at DS's nursery. How to stay calm whilst surrounded by 40 toddlers and pretending to be a normal, happy, non-alcoholic type person??

Anyway, hope you all have a good day.

I can do this with all of you, I don't feel alone anymore :) Fantastic advice about writing some notes and Venus will use your guidelines. I hate going to the GP at the best of times because I always tend to feel I'm wasting their time. But I feel resolute and the woman I'm going to see has been very helpful before and I hope she'll understand.

I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug but here's a cyber one x x

Faire how are you this morning? Family crises are always wearing, aren't they, because you feel like you're being buffeted from all sides. Even worse when there's drink involved I would imagine, with everyone getting overwrought and drunkenly emotional. Good for you for drawing a line of self-preservation.

Joey good for you for not drinking last night! I bet you feel better this morning.

Carrie and Silly You both sound great today!

Morning everyone!

Firstly Soma I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has said about you being so brave. Well done for making that GP appt, it sounds like you had a horrid evening but perhaps it will give you the strength to have a frank discussion with GP. Keeping everything crossed that he's a good Dr and can get the assistance you want. Today is day 1, you can do it!

Faire I'm sorry you had a tough evening, hope things are calmer for you today.

I'm day 6 today but I had a fairy crappy evening last night. DH and I had a huge argument and I was desperate to go out and get pissed but managed to stop myself. Things are still terrible between us this morning and I find myself mentally planning a big night out to blow off steam but I know this would be a huge mistake. But I don't know how to cope with life's difficulties without numbing the pain with wine :(

((( buddy )))

soma everthing crossed that you have the courage to tell the DR exactly as it is- let us know how you get on.

Morning all! is it hump of the week yet?

morning

are you ok faire ? hope the bath soothed it all away and you got a good night's sleep. sounds like you are keeping healthy boundaries - no mean feat that so big up yourself

tbom - thank you and well done to you too

good luck at the doctors soma

carrie - you are doing great - feels good doesn't it?

day 22 today and this is my favourite day of the week - i drop ds at school knowing the gps will be picking him up and that i get the whole day to myself and then get to go to a meeting tonight.

just running a nice bath to start the me, me, me time on a good note.

forgot to say yesterday - happy beltane technically it's summer

Soma good luck with GP appointment - you are doing the right thing in asking for help but it takes bravery. I loved the fact that once you called your posts sounded so empowered...

Faire hope you are ok ((( )))

saf day 22 . We seem to be doing this don't we? Its just so lovely to hear you sound so positive, so happy and so strong.

Things ok here. As part of my healthy re-invention I went to doctors and came out with help for allergies and eczema, so soon I will be less snivelly and flaky (physically, not emotionally...). Blood tests booked to look at cause of exhaustion (DH says its DD but I am less sure). He wants to see me in two weeks because he is concerned that I am so low - he asked if was ok and I burst into tears. Apparently I should be feeling better about things now so he will look into CBT etc. once everything else is resolved and blood tests back. I can see that I should be further along than I am but really - I am . I don't really see how exactly I accept that what happened. Surely its more rational that I can't accept it?

Anyway, morning half gone. Must work.

Tps - saf - had to giggle when chemist said I need to take four antibiotics four times per day on an empty stomach, so an hour before food. I wondered how I could do that given that I eat pretty much every hour