The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

BOING!!! anyone miss me?

well now then soma!! that old voice has done a fucking number on you hasnt it? you can do this you know, you just dont pick up the first drink, it honestly is as simple as that! its the first drink that does the damage, its the one that says, 'carry on, you've blown it now' i know the reasons we give ourselves to drink, the excuses, i could have written a book about them, i also remember the awful loneliness, the worry, the shame and the downright misery - believe me, if i can get sober, ANYONE can!!

I want to be like you JWNof course I do! You're amazing and a beacon to us all.

Thanks for coming back and looking after us.

awww!! i've always wanted to be an amazing beacon!

seriously, i have no magic tricks, no secret powers, its a fucking struggle somedays, sometimes i could go and just scream and scream that i want i drink, i get angry, moody, miserable, bitchy (bundle of fun, me! ) i have to mindful of myself EVERYDAY! - i now like to think of staying sober as 'self care' - for me, drinking was so distructive that it was akin to cutting myself (im not being disrespectful here, i honestly think that the two are very similar once you get to the levels of heavy drinking like i was doing) i was harming myself on a daily basis, poisoning myself, not just my body but my mind also, looking back, i cant think how i functioned - these days i like to think of my self as being worth something, a person who deserves care and kindness, i read so much on here that the drinking starts as a 'treat', that it is 'deserved', i think thats so sad! we deserve so much more than alcohol can give us! we deserve peace of mind, a calm home, a fulfilling and interesting life, happy spouses and children, things that we will never have if we continue to allow this delusion that wine is a 'treat'!

Arghh ... day 5, I am home alone, battling with the urge to get back in my car and drive to Tesco Express. This is my classic crack-up interval. The only difference between now and the countless times before is that I am now here on this thread. I WILL NOT, I WILL NOT, I WILL NOT.

Interesting food for thought from someone earlier - I have kept on telling myself that I am not ready for a relationship, having been single for 3 years. The truth is that firstly, I have not liked myself, so why would I expect anyone else to feel passionate about me? secondly, I need to remove alcohol from the equation to make any room for another person. Crystal clear :)

Carrie you're doing great.

JWN yes you're a beacon cos I want what you've got.

But right now I'm sitting here hoping DD doesn't know how pissed I am and want to go to bed soon and pass out. This is how I felt when I was 16. I feel the same nearly 40 years later :( Not feeling sorry for myself, just totally bemused.

Soma hang in there lovely. My GP was awesome, and I hope yours will be too. Massive hugs. And poor the drink away if you can.

Carrie do not go to Tesco. You can do it!

I had a MAHOOSIVE craving on the way home from work, but walked home instead of to the pub / Sainsbo's. Which is why I'm on here :) I need you Babes.

Venus love the song. Watcher JWN and all the other fabulous Babes.

Come on babes you can do it this evening!

Soma - you can sober up a bit as well, drink loads of water/tea, have something to eat, then write out your PLAN for tomorrow evening.
Make a list of soft drinks and treats you would like to try, plan some activities, jigsaws, tidying drawers, alphabetising books, DVDs or CDs...
Check in here early tomorrow and follow your PLAN, one day, one step at a time, like JWN, I say if I can do it so can you.

I have not gone to Tesco's. I have eaten such a huge meal, and drunk so much fizzy water, that not only could I not fit anything else in, but the craving has passed. I am now pleasantly drowsy, (and happy), thanks to all you wonderful and undrestanding people.

This would never have happened before; I would simply have given in, because no one but myself would have been any the wiser.

Now, I know I will wake up tomorrow without that dreadful feeling of disappointment, self-loathing and despair in the pit of my stomach.

This thread is just the best :o

Carrie - Day 5 here too. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DRINK. I can see from here that your wardrobe is untidy, so just go and tidy it up now.

Once you get past day 5, day 6 is easier. For sure

Soma, you want this to be over so desperately, it stands out a mile in everything you post. I know you will take inspiration from those who have put their lives back together.

I really recommend following all the links back to the start - takes a lot of clicking, but well worth it, to see how JWN was in your no-hope mindset back then xx

Hopefully :o !!

Actually, it's neat and tidy in there, but the kitchen is a pigsty :)

Carrie well done. You'll feel great in the morning. DD knows something is up, that I'm different. I lied and said I was taking some medication but she's worried it's because I'm drinking. She knows the signs. I'm letting her down and I hate myself for it.

I hope that I can get some antabuse, will plead with GP tomorrow.

I've just eaten supper, and some chocolate, and feel a bit icky.

The craving has passed. Who knew that nausea would kill it?

I hope all you Babes are doing okay xxx

I was wondering, can I ask to be sectioned? I feel so hopeless, nothing has ever worked so far and I want to be looked after, I want someone to help me stop drinking. I'm afraid that if I'm allowed to carry on the way I am something bad is going to happen.

I don't want social services to take DD away though. So I'm really scared.

Soma, you can only be sectioned if you are an immediate danger to yourself or others. Sectioning someone, by definition, is only done if the person refuses treatment, and you are not refusing treatment, you are crying out for it, but you are terrified that you cannot do it and that you are doomed to fail. Have you thought about inpatient treatment? Could you afford to go to a private clinic? It does sound to me like you might need a professionally managed detox, rather than trying to do it yourself?

Carrie yes I'm scared, scared that I can't do it on my own. But I don't have the money for private rehab. But at least I've stopped drinking now and will try and decide what to do tomorrow.

And can I say thank you to everyone for being here.

soma some of your post sounds like alcohol speaking, and some of it sounds like your depression speaking. On here we can give you ideas and support around your drinking, and many on here also experience depression and can share their own information about drug and management regimes. But you really must go to your gp. You have already pinpointed a realtionship between your depression (or your meds) and your drinking - you must tell that to your doc.

Please, be brave enough to go there tomorrow. You may not get the 'instant' response you are hoping for (antabuse) but the sooner you start the process, the sooner you WILL somehow get the right treatment for you.

And tell us about your dd soma, are there any other people in your wider circle of family and friends who can help you out? Taking some control, and making suggestions about her care will help you, and her, and also help the agencies who are there to help you.

I understand your fear about 'the authorities' but I feel that you need real life help, in addition to the care and understanding that we can offer her.

Take care sweetheart x

Soma how much are you actually drinking usually? I expect you told us before but I missed it.

Sectioning sounds very drastic and may have a huge effect on what might happen re your DD.
There are other routes you can try on your own first - AA, community addiction team etc.
If you live anywhere near Thames Valley area I would be happy to go to AA with you...

Bproud am up to about 12 units every other day now - don't drink every day because of hangover in between. I always get back to this pattern, I can cut down/stop for weeks but then always find myself drinking a bottle plus every other day.

Venus I hear what you're saying. I've been to the GP twice before about my drinking, I've been referred and had counselling but slipped back. Do you really think it's worth trying again? What can they do this time that was different to before? I do know I can't do this on my own though and hear what everyone's saying about sectioning. You're right, it is the drink talking and tomorrow I'll be grateful I didn't call someone and tell them I was a hopeless case. I thank you all for listening.

Soma you must tell your GP that you've tried but cannot do this on your own anymore. The time is now for some formal treatment/intervention & any half decent GP will hear your desperation.

We will all be linking arms with you when you walking into that room (let's hope it's a big room or we'll never all squeeze in - esp SAF with her ever expanding waistline .

Soma it is not what THEY can do that is different this time, it is what YOU can do that is different.
You are drinking a lot, but not so much that you can't quit it.
I really do have every sympathy with you, as I struggled myself for years, went to GP, had help from community team, went to AA, stopped for a few weeks each time, but went back to it each time.
This time, what was different was the constant support from this thread, I checked in every day, I shared my plans for NOT drinking every day, I cried out for help BEFORE the first glass when I wanted to.

I still had to make the choice for myself though, each day I decided not to drink just for one day, and slowly, slowly the days added up.
Come back and read all the posts you have made and received in the morning, and start your day 1.

There will be someone here to hold your hand. You can do it!

Bproud, Chasing, it makes sense, I hear what you say, thank you.

I just feel so weak, can't judge where the cravings are going to come from and when they hit I'm toast. I need to find a backbone. Or something. I really feel that if I was taking antabuse I wouldn't drink and I really want to give it a go.

I hope everyone is having a good evening and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there.

sadsoma I was wondering, can I ask to be sectioned? I feel so hopeless, nothing has ever worked so far and I want to be looked after, I want someone to help me stop drinking. I'm afraid that if I'm allowed to carry on the way I am something bad is going to happen.

I could have written your post word for word 3 years ago. I 'interventioned' myself. Who can you tell? Once I told DH and my parents how much I was drinking I couldn't hide anymore.