The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Joey I know for me that this is all rooted in family stuff - my dad, basically. I also found that loads of stuff came up for me when I stopped drinking, all painful emotional stuff to do with my dad. Huge waves of sadness and tears and anger. All the stuff that I don't know what on earth to do with so I just squish it all down in a box, then wonder why I get so full of fury. Then I pour alcohol all over it. 'Cos that's going to help, obviously.

Ginger Introspection usually is a trigger for drink, is it not?

Babes, I have some good news. Okay it's a fairly pathetic achievement but I managed to survive a marathon lunch without any wine :)

A four-hour jobby like today would normally have seen me get the outside of a couple of bottles of wine. Easy. But I managed it. No wine.

Day 3 has been a bit of a miracle frankly. I'm going to feed the infants and have an early night. On the back seat of this rather marvellous bus.

Time for us all to shut the curtains and this grizzly drizzly weather out. Have a good evening.

aww mia poor you [hugs] Drinking does help a little bit, doesn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't do it. The problem is not knowing when to stop, or being able to stop....

Well this Wednesday we are going to see family, which means tons of booze. And I'm only supposed to be drinking Tuesdays & Fridays (and optional Sundays but I would find it very hard not to have anything on Wednesday. So I started thinking about why this was. Having nothing better to do this morning than persuade the dog he didn't need a walk in the rain.

I think when we go to see my family, I feel this abdication of responsibility. Like I'm a kid again (without the booze, obviously...) and don't have to worry about anything. The meal is cooked, the wine is poured, the children are looked after. I don't mean that I'm paralytic on the sofa; we help prepare the veggies & do the washing-up - but there aren't any decisions to be made. Don't even need to decide if I'm drinking or not, a glass just appears in my hand (and my BIL makes a mean g&t)

Its just so relaxing and I feel, umm, cossetted? I don't know if thats the right word. I suppose all of this would still happen without the booze.

I don't know what any of this means (and it doesn't apply to all situations anyway - at my MILs I get drunk because I'm bored out of my skull) it was just something that came to me in the middle of the night...

If anyone is still reading this, well done. This is what I meant about being obsessed with drinking/not drinking/triggers/excuses/reasons/rambles

Joey, I am off to the ILs next weekend and it is a HUGE trigger for me, drink has always been how I have tolerated them..EEEK!

I fell over twice, in front of DD, because I'm pissed. She knows something's up but I tried to reassure her. I've had 12 units to drink this afternoon and don't have any more wine at home (which is good) but the scary thing is I feel sober now and could do it all over again.

Should I go and see the GP? I feel helpless and hopeless.

Hello to Ann and Buddy welcome to the bus. Nice to see it busy this wet, miserable afternoon.

Carrie I love the ten-minute-jobs list idea. I am a fellow procrastinator and tend to spend more time making lists than actually getting things done, but at least it organises my mind . Today I have cleaned the bathrooms - ta da!

Soma I think you could take some inspiration from the very wonderful and lovely JWN who started this thread. Have you read her story from the very first post. Basically she had no clue how to stop so made the decision to ask for help. She hasn't looked back since. So if you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend going back to the start

joey we do often talk about what we think led us to drinking the way we do. For many of us it does seem to have links to the past and childhood. We do obsess now and again, I think it's healthy to let out those thoughts and feelings. It sounds like your drinking during family visits is more habit than considered choice?

I am firmly in the bus today, no roof-rack-riding in this abysmal weather. DH is playing monopoly with the dcs whilst he cooks roast dinner (who says men can't multi-task) so I am going to take the opportunity to do a quick zumba workout.

Am loving not drinking at the moment. I feel so happy and positive. I am much healthier and have more energy. This is what we call the Boing. It's great

Hopefully that is a fantastic achievement. Not to a friend in rl maybe, or other family members, but here we know what a Massive Big Deal it is, so well done x

would you go to aa sadsoma? sounds like you're admitting you're powerless and that you don't have a clue how to deal with it. i'd say aa was worth a go. falling over in front of dd twice because you were pissed in the day is a bit much isn't it? time to get some help imo.

managed to say no to the sherry i was offered on arrival and to quietly exchange my wine glass for a water glass at the dinner table. i did not drink. normally my way of coping with family is to pour as much alcohol in as possible

i looked at the ridiculous tiny sherry glasses and thought well at least i don't have to go through the torture of wanting to swallow it in one go and get a refill whilst actually sipping and making a miniscule drop of alcohol last.

end of day 19. am drinking elderflower and tonic and watching 'the bridge' on iplayer. hope everyone is ok.

Just popping in to say good night to you all.

Day 7 under my very full tummy and tight belt.

I hope that those of you drinking will get through tonight okay.

Night night all, busy day ahead xx

X posted - well done you! Such a massive change for you I guess? Well done xx

Right, I'm really going now.

xx

Just a thought Ladies

Looking into our pasts to try and find a reason, a cause, an excuse for our drinking is totally fruitless, I think.

Just the same as when we pick up the glass and think - I deserve a reward, shit day, great day, it's wine o'clock, i'm happy, i'm sad, bloody kids, I won't sleep without it ...............etc

There is no rhyme or reason.

We are unfortunate, unlucky individuals - we are addicts - some people aren't - some are.

The point is not to dwell on 'why me'

The point is to move forward and deal with it.

Live in the present, being sober will help to understand the past, but the past is not the reason we drink, as much as we would like to have something to blame, because then it's OK isn't it?

All bullshit - we are addicted to alcohol because our brains process things differently to people who aren't addicted.

We have different wiring in there - different pleasure receptors that, as soon as they get a hit of alcohol or drugs, they want more and more and more.

That part is easy to understand.

How to change it is another thing.

xxxxxxx

day 7 mouse - well done.
I will try again this week. has anyone heard me say that before?

Saf yes I'd try AA again, I've done it before. Being paralyatic in front of our kids is just not on and I feel ashamed. I just have to break this self-defeating pattern.

Well done for your successful afternoon and avoiding multiple fill-ups of titchy sherry glasses!

I just thank my lucky stars I have never tried drugs. The worst I did was cannabis when a was a student andit made me ill!

saf you are doing brilliantly and you sound so certain and solid (not related to your size) and calm. It's all good.

hopefully well done. 3 whole days is certainly something to be proud of

Soma I don't know what to suggest really. You posted earlier about the pleasure of drinking alone, but it doesn't seem to me like you're enjoying yourself today. The 'high' that you might once have felt from a drink in the middle of the afternoon has now become elusive. You're chasing and chasing after something that is more and more difficult for you to find. And now that you've drunk a load today already, the depressant effects of alcohol are well underway. I doubt that even another bottle tonight would give you the buzz you were looking for. And I post that because I know. I've been in the same place, looking for the same thing, carrying on drinking even though I knew it wasn't working.

So best thing now is a big mug of tea. And a choccy biscuit or two. Then into pjs, big glass of water, clean your teeth twice, and off to bed with another glass of water next to you.

silver xxx

Good point silver. I have issues that may/may not relate to my drinking, and it's easier to deal with them when I'm sober.

Soma doesn't sound like much fun :( I agree with venus - pj's, glass of water, clean your teeth and get thee to bed.

Massive hugs to all the wonderful Babes. Day 3 of being sober (and new antidepressants) and I'm feeling slightly more boingy. Am off to bake a cake for a friend, will probably come back tomorrow.

Venus thank you. I don't want any more and bed is the best place for me.

I know how content you are now that you've stopped drinking and it gives me something to aim for.

silver I wasn't so much trying to fine the reason, as wondering what the trigger was, and how to avoid it.

I think I've worked out that when at DSis place, I get the feeling of abdicating responsbility and 'being looked after'. Forget about the childhood issues surrounding that, just thinking about the actual situations. And I guess the same feeling would happen even if I was sober.

Am I only making sense to myself ?!

venus whats with the cleaning teeth twice?

You're making complete sense to me Joey

joey I agree, being looked after is a wonderful feeling, but these days I get that from sitting in a big comfy chair with a mug of something hot, and a piece of cake in my hand. And I enjoy it all the more because I'm not worrying whether anyone will drink all the rest of the tea, or whether I dare ask for another pot to be made. I also found that cold fizzy tonic with lots of ice, and a couple of slices of lime was as good as I used to think a G&T was - the care and attention that go into getting a sparkling chrystal glass, putting fresh tonic in the fridge, having loads of ice and thinly sliced lemon and lime make me feel more loved and cared for than my MIL's lukewarm flat tonic in a tumbler.

Oh and the 2x teeth brushing is because wine tastes pretty bad after your mouth is full of toothpaste, so there is slightly less temptation to have another slug out of the bottle if you've got a minty fresh mouth. I found (from my own warped experience, that cleaning really well with loads of tooth paste twice, seemed to strengthen my resolve. That's what I used to do with my 5pm craving. It was like saying the message twice "I will not drink", "I WILL NOT drink".

Buddy, I am sorry, I was in the middle of responding to you asking how to avoid triggers and my lappy died. Anyhoo, others have said much the same as me, but I haven't cooked, phoned people, twiddled my thumbs etc. Not easy, but the more you break the habit, the more it becomes easier not to reach out for wine. And I did my first week during a holiday from work or I would never have managed.

Anyhoo, I am actually having a glass of wine after a mega busy day and I am feeling crappy, so don't listen to me.

Day 3 almost over ... thank god I have no booze in the house, because I certainly would have opened a bottle this evening. My irresponsible c**t of an ex dropped my children back at the end of the drive - basically he is avoiding me, because he knows I will have another go at him over the 3 months outstanding maintenance payments he owes. But he 'can't afford to pay', because he is forking out for a big wedding with all the trimmings, at which he expects MY DAUGHTERS to be bridesmaids to the woman who broke up our relationship.

Well, if I'm honest, my drinking didn't help, and we were limping along for ages. And I can say, hand on heart, that I don't give a shit that he is getting married. I do, however, give a shit that that comes before his daughters who, on the other hand, he wants to parade in front of his friends in pretty dresses.

Rant over.

Ahem ... that would read better as 'parade in pretty dresses in front of his friends', methinks!

at the thought of you xh's friends all dressed up.