The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Ann I joined this group because I was getting nowhere trying to gain control on my own. My drinking pattern is 2-3 weeks of a bottle of wine every night, then varying periods, usually from 5 to about 14 days, of complete abstinence. The longest period I have achieved in the last 18 years was 10 weeks. During these dry times, I am always full of hope, self-congratulation and optimism ...

I ALWAYS fall off the wagon eventually. I have never really thought very hard about what triggers this, just that it seems inevitable. Not a single soul, apart from my ex partner, is aware of my addicition, as I am a highly-funtioning drinker who is always where I am meant to be, never off work, and letting no one down (except myself, of course).

I hoped that by opening up and revealing myself warts-and-all on here, I can get the 'real person' support, but anonymously. It's fantastic here, no one judges anyone else, and I know that if I come on here, shame-faced, in the future, admitting I have fallen off the Bus, that I will be supported.

It feels like an epiphany, revealing all this, and I really do feel a seismic shift in how I see the future.

Oh, and I ALWAYS drink alone. I can manage social events with ease. Why is that? Because I couldn't bear the shame and stigma of anyone seeing me inebriated. I am a daft cow.

Wow! morning babes - and welcome to new babes!

I'm on day 3 today - am sleeping much better - i.e not falling unconscious, waking at 2-3 am thirsty and peeing, not feeling sick when I roll over in bed, not have to get my sea-legs before I go to the bathroom, not having diarrhoea, and being able to brush my teeth without retching, and not having loads of empties to hide..

Am still having some cravings and thoughts though - which is stupid considering the effect it has on me..

Buddy - about cravings - my triggers include being the kitchen, cooking, and doing housework (there are lots of others, suching as breathing in and out and having a pulse etc)

I'm trying to rearrange as much of my routine as I can to weaken the connections - we are having a week of microwave meals, so i'm not in the kitchen - (I normally cook from scratch, slowly getting pissed along the way)

I might take the kids out for a muckdonalds tomorrow, so also we are out of the house. Funnily enough, I find spending time in a room in the house that I don't normally sit in helps. I use alcohol to get on with things - so am sat on my arse on the pooter instead. Have roped the kids into doing more stuff around the house, rather than rolling my eyes, and doing it myself. With housework, I go somewhere quiet read a few pages, then make myself put the washing out, them read a bit more, then hoover up - just to break it down. I still have to get things done, I just have to do them in a different way - owt to break up the routine I associate with drinking.

Ice lollies really help and iced fizzy water and childrens left over easter eggs chocolate.

When you get a craving - are you hungry angry lonely tired, what do you need? keep busy, but don't go mad, acknowledge the feeling, 'oh there goes another one, thats a sign that my body and mind is rebooting itself' and it will pass - remind yourself that everytime you don't act on it, it weakens a drinking connection in your brain.

It's all very well me saying this - am only on day 3 meself, but It has got me through the last three days which I didn't think I could do if you'd asked me three days ago, and actually writing it down here, has helped me! :o

And Hi Carrie !

morning bus babes. It's miserable and wet here, the poor dog hasn't had a decent walk for days. (mia my profile should have a picture of him now)

All this talk of vitamins - my levels were checked recently, and appeared normal. That means I don't drink too much, right?!

I'd like to take some B vitamins, but the only ones I can find are sustained release, which I can't have. Can anyone recommend any others?

Hi Pixwix How I laughed at your triggers :o Sometimes it really does feel like that, doesn't it!

I totally agree about distractions. My other big issue is procrastination over all the things I need to get done (not helped by my child and work free time often being obliterated by booze).

What I have found helpful before is something told to me by a time-management consultant, but could equally well have come from an addiction counselor, and this is to make a long list of 10 minute tasks. These can be anything from wiping out a drawer, watering house plants, making a quick phone call, replying to an email - the important thing is that they are all tiny tasks, which might be little chunks of a much bigger project or stand-alone jobs.

When I need distracting, I arm myself with a stop-clock and my list, and tell myself I will do 2/3/4 or however many. I don't have long enough to get bored, or disheartened before moving onto something new, and the win-win is that I have taken my mind off booze and actually achieved something (however minor) in the process.

alias my dog is suffering from the weather too - probably why she took herself for a good walk yesterday.

welcome to all the newcomers - well done on first steps

trying to get myself motivated to go and have a shower and get ready. off to my parents house for sunday dinner in a bit. there'll be wine on the table that i'll have to resist and jibes about me not drinking to endure. ho hum.

Aaaah! Procrastination :o Actually, the list thing is a good idea (goes off to find a pen...)

I can't even decide what I want for lunch right now - am struggling a bit today - kids are at their dads, and it's the free time..

right - I'm having fish for lunch, I'm going to write a list, then go back to bed with a book, and there's a meeting at 5.30 - sorted!

but do I really want fish though....

Arrghhh!

A big wave to you Mia - how's it in the side-car today, how are you feeling? I have to do something, I can't lurk right now as I know I really really have a problem. I've been trying to limit my drinking to twice a week (and at a bottle of wine a time, that's quite a lot) but I can't. I've just done the grocery shopping and couldn't resist the half-price sauvignon, so here I am, at 2.30 in the afternoon tucking into a nice bottle on my own, which will be gone in no time.

I love the feeling it gives me, in fact any drug will do but alcohol is easiest because it's legal. I'm very grateful in fact that other drugs aren't legal or I'd be a hopeless coke-head or E-head (my favourite) but prescription drugs are always welcome too. Does anyone remember mogadon? My dad took it in the 70s and I used to nick it and now when I go home to visit my parents I always check if there's anything tasty in the medicine cabinet. It's pathetic, I'm 54 :(

I need to stop. Completely. I've been here so many times before, knowing I need to stop, then denying it for a while and then back to square one. I don't know how to though. I could go to my GP again but the last time I saw her and admitted I had a drink problem I got into trouble because she contacted children, school and families as I'd admitted to drink-driving. So now I'm wary of going back and having it on my medical record. How could she help me anyway? I'm like you Carrie, a high-functioning alkie who doesn't get into trouble - well not now at least. I used to, police cells, A&E, marriage-breakdown, one-night stands....

Please tell me, all you wonderful women who have managed to STOP, despite the fact that alcohol was central to their lives, how on earth did you do it?
It seems beyond me, yet I know I can't continue in this self-destructive cycle anymore. Sorry for the long post but it helps to get it all out.

Ah, fish ... love it or loathe it!

I know what you mean about the free time, Pixwix. For me, it's the evenings when I don't have to go anywhere (and often before DDs have gone to bed, I'm ashamed to say) that are my most difficult times. Today, they have gone to their Dad's for lunch/afternoon, so I'm tackling my 10 minute task list. (and posting here, of course).

Do you mean an AA meeting? Good luck with that - I've never discussed this elephant in the room with another living soul. Just too proud :(

Hiya Buddy and AnnO, welcome to the bus!

Soma it's good to see you again. :)

I have to be careful around prescription drugs too. I'm only on day 3 of abstaining and don't have any major tips. I saw my GP and she was great, I have a blood test tomorrow which is a bit scary. I'm eating more sweets at the mo, which I see as a temporary thing.

Soma that's appalling that your GP broke your confidentialilty in that way. Was the drunk-driving a one-off, or did you admit to doing it habitually? I think GPs have a duty of care to the wider public if they think a patient is likely to do something hazardous, but there are proper channels for that, rather than a scatter-gun approach to all-and-sundry. I would ask to see another GP in the practice - that is your right. GPs are very used to dealing with alcohol problems, and I'm sure you will find a sympathetic one - keep banging the drum!

I haven't managed to stop, so I am probably ill-equiped to advise you, but it can be done - these threads will show you that.

Soma - by taking it one day (or one hour) at a time. That really is the only way. If you start thinking 'Oh my God I can never drink again' it will be too daunting and you will more likely give up before you've begun.

Get loads of nice food and soft drinks in - my fave is a very spicy Virgin Mary. Make arrangements. Rent DVDs. Keep busy.

Thanks Proud, I'm always busy but when the craving hits I'm toast. My will-power is shit when it comes to booze, I just can't seem to resist. Thanks Carrie, I know how common alcohol problems are, I work in a medical practice myself and perhaps I should see someone else. I remember the GP I saw, I felt she had absolutely no insight into my problem and ended walking up out of the consultation. Are you hoping to cut down from your bottle a day?

There are good and bad GPs, and some are wonderful with physical ailments, but useless with psychological ones, and vice-versa. Shop around until you find one with whom you can connect. There should be a primary care pathway for them to follow when a patient presents with alcohol problems; demand to see it, and demand that it is followed. Otherwise, contact your PCT if you get no joy.

I am hoping to quit completely. Cutting down does not work for me, I just re-enter the same old cycle each time I start again. When I say quit completely, the social drinking has never been a problem for me, my problem is secret solo drinking, so I'm hoping that I can eventually enjoy that in a controlled way in the way I have always done - but for now, I'm cutting it all out. I'll see how I go.

Soma, Google 'primary care alcohol pathway' - I just did out of curiosity, and there are pages and pages of links there. Good luck!

Carrie solo drinking is a particular thrill for me also, but then again any sort of drinking will do :( Thanks for the advice about GPs, I think I'll have to give it another go.

I need to document this, so I can come back and see how fucked-up I am. Despite the fact that I have a bottle of wine it's not enough, so I'm off to the pub for a solo 250ml before DD gets back and then at least I'll have some left for the evening. She knows I like drink but recently I've been able to hide it.

Bottom line is, I'm absolutely powerless over alcohol and I know admission of this is step 1 in AA. So how come I keep arriving back here? I'm sorry, I really am ranting now but this place does somehow feel safe and I know someone will be along soon who understands. Bravebabes is priceless.

Aw soma sorry you're feeling bad. You know you're in the right place here, and the fact that you keep coming back here shows that you're ready for change on some level, aren't you? Keep posting and drawing on the support here. I know what you mean about prescription (and non) drugs too. I take co-dydramol for a chronic back problem, and I have to be really stern with myself to keep my dose as low as possible mainly because I'm terrified that if I don't self-regulate then the Drs will try to wean me off them I used to be a bugger for all sorts of drugs but luckily that's behind me and will remain so.

pixwix your triggers are my triggers. Apart from the housework. Can't be doing with housework really, apart from hoovering regularly I'm a complete slattern.

Joey your dog is gorgeous! I love the look of au naturel unprimped poodles.

Well I'm in the sidecar again, displaying the staggering lack of willpower that I'm so well known for. Back on the wagon tomorrow. I've spent all day updating my nature blog, so at least I've done something productive on this rainy grey day. DD is at her dad's so it's been nice to have a peaceful lazy day. DP took advantage of a break in the rain to take the cocker for a walk, and is now cooking a roast. Life's not too bad really, is it. even if I do feel weak and guilty

Just wanted to say that the cocker spaniel barking at his own portrait made me laugh, as did the dog in the bag!

glad you liked it greyhound - she's a fluffy fool but we love her!

I'd upload a pic of my pup but I haven't a clue how!

mia i will keep you company in the sidecar, I have my fleecy jack skellington blanket and a packet of maple pecan cookies.

Cooking a roast chicken and sent DH to the shop cause I needed milk for the yorkshires and 'wine for the gravy'....today I am a shit wife!

Does anyone else think the weather isn't helping matters?

Thanks mia he is rather sweet and totally unprimped.

What is it about boring wet weekends which makes us turn to booze? As the wonderful Barbara Vine said "being drunk doesn't stop you being bored, it just gives you something to focus on; like not falling over or throwing up"

Is it normally when on the bus to become obsessed with alcohol and its effects, and to analyse everything, even down to what happened in your childhood? I realised last night that this coming Wednesday might be a problem, drink-wise, and ever since then all day I have been going over my entire life and looking for 'answers' (not found any yet )

I know my childhood has nothing to do with it although my Dad had a crap relationship with Bells in his later years.

I was always designated driver in my early twenties and could take it or leave it.

I was in the military for 7 years and it is a rampant booze culture. My real problem started when my DH was living 4 hours away and I was lonely. Then we separated And i got involved with someone who was EA, the only thing I had control of was my alcohol intake.

I need to stop punishing myself for that 18 months because DH and I reconciled and have since had DD.

ginger I didn't mean that we're all here (on the bus) because of our childhoods; just that the last few weeks all I seem to think about is alcohol, cravings, triggers...

My DH suggested I've replaced one addiction (wine) with another (obsessing about wine)

That's fine Joey, I am just saying that my own experience is I need to own up to decisions I have made as a 'grown up'.