Do i leave the kids????

[sunshine2709]

I am currently living in London with my partner (planning on getting married in December), our two year old son and one year old daughter. I recently got accept to a University back home in Scotland so i will have to move back home for sometime.

My partner no longer wishes to relocate even though we discussed it before i applied. So the problem is he wants me to keep the children here with him while i go to study.

From were i will be studying it's around 12hrs on bus away from London. He has said we will see each other every weekend and on holidays.

I would like people to be honest...
Does this sound reasonable? or should i take the kids? (this will make our relationship finish)

If i did leave the kids and in the future something went wrong would i still have rights to my children?

I want this to work but i don't want to lose my kids in the long run.

PLEASE help i would like to try this as love my family but i would love your advice and honesty.

HELP PLEASEEEEEE!!!

Not something I would do. With two young children only nine months apart in age I imagine life would be much easier with two hands-on parents.

Stay in London - if you can't afford your course there, postpone it for a year or two and get some savings behind you.

The OP has not been back since her OP and yet people are casting all sorts of aspersions about her dh. The OP told us nothing we do not know the circumstances in which her dh agreed to relocating, he could have reluctantly agreed or the job situation could have altered and it may no longer be a viable option, or he may have just had a rethink and changed his mind that doesn't make him the bad guy. If my dh told me he was taking my children to Scotland I would tell him that doing so would mean he was effectively ending the relationship between us.

Anyhow it's pretty obvious the OP isn't going to come back to clarify the situation.

Personally I would go to Scotland with my DC.

If your partner wants to be with you he will go to.

Depressing how many people suggest the OP should just disappear off and take this man's children 400 odd miles away from him. I'm sure they would be utterly distraught if a partner did that to them (and MNetters would.probably be suggesting getting the police or SS involved).

Is it because the children belong to her and only have a father at her discretion, or because he is a man so obviously wouldn't hurt so much to have his children taken away? It's very sad, but such a common attitude.

My Dad went away to Uni when we were small. We survived.

OP said her DH was the one who changed his mind, so why shouldn't she take the children, put them in Uni childcare, which will probably be cheaper than London childcare and her DH can visit at weekends.

Looking after children and studying full time will be hard though.

Who said Scottish Uni was free?? That's a myth right there....to the op....I couldnt do it. Why has he changed his mind since you applied?

Jenstar21 Mon 23-Apr-12 16:26:07
You do know that Uni in Scotland is only fee-free to certain people. If you've not lived in Scotland for the requisite period beforehand then your fees will be almost the same as in England.
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thatisall Mon 23-Apr-12 16:27:02
Jenstar21 you can't 'make' a person move to Scotland if they really don't want to. What an awful idea

thatisall At no point am I suggesting anyone is made to move to Scotland or otherwise. Just advising on the laws regarding whether you are able to attend University fee-free or otherwise......

OP I think if the fee issue is the only reason for your attending Uni in Scotland, I'd seriously re-think things......

Nope...

Jenstar..Scottish Uni is not free....some charge £36000 for a degree, much like England....others are lower fees, just like unis in england. I went to Uni here years ago and I had ro pay £1000 a year 10 years ago. Just saying

She's been on a while

jenstar my apologies...I was responding to girlwithmouseyhair the poster above you who suggested that the op 'make' her dp go...not you. My mistake

thatisall No worries. :)

TheCunningStunt If you meet certain criteria lived in Scotland for a certain period of time, etc.) then you pay no tuition fees to attend a Scottish Uni. This is a relatively new policy, brought in by the SNP government. Those attending from elsewhere in the UK/world pay different fees. I too paid £1500 per year infers, some years ago, as a Scottish resident, at a Scottish Uni. Things change... Not saying I agree with it, though!!

I am in exactly the same position as the OP.
Im in year 3 of a four year degree, this year is my placement year, i've had a baby aswell as working full time to gain experience in the industry. (tough yes! actually think im having a breakdown, but thats another story!)

My course is 90% coursework based, and requires specialist equipment and studio time. I have evening lectures, meetings and presentations regularly, on top of a full four day week. It's going to be a very intense course. From previous experience the only time i have found i can use the things i need are in the evenings, as lessons take place in the studio during the day.

I live with my parents and am leaving my daughter with my parents from end of september till may time next year with a month off at christmas. I plan to come be at home Friday till Sunday, and my DD will be 1 year old.

Another point i have had to consider is being 2 hours away from all my family and being on my own with my DD isn't safe for me due to my epilepsy, of course id cope with that if i had to. However, i have to admit i probably wouldn't cope trying to look after DD on my own and doing my last year.

I understand the initial first thought is oh my god, why would you do that, but this for me, and my DD is the best thing, especially while she's still young!