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Original poster

Do i leave the kids????

166 replies

sunshine2709 · 23/04/2012 15:57

I am currently living in London with my partner (planning on getting married in December), our two year old son and one year old daughter. I recently got accept to a University back home in Scotland so i will have to move back home for sometime.

My partner no longer wishes to relocate even though we discussed it before i applied. So the problem is he wants me to keep the children here with him while i go to study.

From were i will be studying it's around 12hrs on bus away from London. He has said we will see each other every weekend and on holidays.

I would like people to be honest...
Does this sound reasonable? or should i take the kids? (this will make our relationship finish)

If i did leave the kids and in the future something went wrong would i still have rights to my children?

I want this to work but i don't want to lose my kids in the long run.

PLEASE help i would like to try this as love my family but i would love your advice and honesty.

HELP PLEASEEEEEE!!!

OP posts:
Vickles · 23/04/2012 16:18

apply for a course nearer home.... i would never advise leaving you're children like this... they come first! your course will need to suit you - aswell as your little children.

Sargesaweyes · 23/04/2012 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy · 23/04/2012 16:19

No op I would not even consider leaving small children like that, can't believe someone would think it a viable option tbh!

HecateTrivia · 23/04/2012 16:20

I might, gin, if I was upset and desperate.

In fact, I think I probably have begged for you lot to answer me Grin

MrsShitty · 23/04/2012 16:20

If he is telling you it is over if you go with the DC then he's not worth worrying aboubt imo.

It would be different if he wasn't giving ultimatums. Then I would reccomend talking about other options...as it is...DO NOT leave the kids.

Bunbaker · 23/04/2012 16:20

It sounds like a terrible idea.

thatisall · 23/04/2012 16:21

Its less about who would have the rights to the children and more about who would have a relationship with the children....and it wouldn't be you. I would not even consider it

LauraShigihara · 23/04/2012 16:21

My head says, the kids will be with their dad, lots of men work away from home during the week, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But, if it was me, I wouldn't be parted like that from my babies - it would just be unthinkable.

I would take them with me.

Alligatorpie · 23/04/2012 16:21

I wouldn't. It seems like a very strange situation to me.
Maybe you would benefit from some counselling to help sort this out. I am not sure AIBU is the best place to post to get some insight - I assume most people have the same knee jerk reaction as me that we don't want to leave our children unless absolutely necessary and not on a regular basis ( apologies for speaking for others if I am incorrect).

Rinkan · 23/04/2012 16:24

This sounds fishy to me. Nobody would do that journey by bus when train and/or flying are much faster and not prohibitively expensive if you book in advance. And how on earth could your partner in his right mind say you'd see each other "every weekend" if that would involve you travelling for 24 hours?! nobody is planking to get married one minute and suggesting such nonsense the next. If this is real what are you not telling us OP?

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 23/04/2012 16:24

Can't believe how many people are telling you to change your course, if you both discussed all this before you applied you should all be going to Scotland together as planned - unless he has a VERY good reason.

Don't leave your children behind, make your DP stick to your agreement and all go to Scotland together as a family

Jenstar21 · 23/04/2012 16:26

You do know that Uni in Scotland is only fee-free to certain people. If you've not lived in Scotland for the requisite period beforehand then your fees will be almost the same as in England.

thatisall · 23/04/2012 16:27

Jenstar21 you can't 'make' a person move to Scotland if they really don't want to. What an awful idea

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 16:28

Hecate you might be right but OP was stamping her foot for responses half an hour ago and now no sign of her. Good luck OP.

MadamFolly · 23/04/2012 16:29

I'd take them with me, how selfish to let you apply and then change his mind.

McHappyPants2012 · 23/04/2012 16:29

no way would i leave my DC.

salamanda · 23/04/2012 16:31

I think OP just wanted to light the blue touchpaper and retire.

Noqontrol · 23/04/2012 16:31

It's up to you, but personally I wouldn't want to be separated from the kids for so long. I would either take them with me or look for a closer course. Why won't dp go with you now?

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2012 16:31

You've omitted the most important thing here OP

Why does he no longer want to relocate?

BonnieBumble · 23/04/2012 16:33

How bizarre.

Yorkpud · 23/04/2012 16:44

I think once you have children they should become your priority, that and keeping a roof over your heads. It is great to get a degree but not at any cost. You should be thinking as a family unit.

IAmSherlocked · 23/04/2012 16:45

Yes - for someone who was desperate for responses, it's all gone pretty quiet Hmm

I think it's a ridiculous idea. Take an OU course and stay with your children. Or take your children to Scotland.

verytellytubby · 23/04/2012 16:49

No way.

StealthToddler · 23/04/2012 16:51

there's no way I would leave my kids - couldn't bear to see them so little.... there are plenty of places to get an education nearer home, or even by correspondence... sorry probably not what you want to hear!

minimisschief · 23/04/2012 16:53

well tbh this is all down to you.

why should he and the children uproot their lives to get you studying somewhere 12 hours away. I think he has every right to say the kids are staying as you are the one who wants to do the studying. why shoud you get to take the children away from him?

soloution to this would be to obviously study somewhere closer