Do i leave the kids????

[sunshine2709]

I am currently living in London with my partner (planning on getting married in December), our two year old son and one year old daughter. I recently got accept to a University back home in Scotland so i will have to move back home for sometime.

My partner no longer wishes to relocate even though we discussed it before i applied. So the problem is he wants me to keep the children here with him while i go to study.

From were i will be studying it's around 12hrs on bus away from London. He has said we will see each other every weekend and on holidays.

I would like people to be honest...
Does this sound reasonable? or should i take the kids? (this will make our relationship finish)

If i did leave the kids and in the future something went wrong would i still have rights to my children?

I want this to work but i don't want to lose my kids in the long run.

PLEASE help i would like to try this as love my family but i would love your advice and honesty.

HELP PLEASEEEEEE!!!

From a legal perspective, you can't take the children to Scotland unless he consents. So leave them, or stay where you are, but if he doesn't consent, you can't take them with you.

Sorry if I'm repeating what's been posted earlier. Only read the first page of the thread.

No way I would leave my kids. If he originally agreed to the move you should now be questioning why he changed his mind-did he think you wouldn't be accepted or is he just a knob who thinks something like this is unimportant?

Have to say find it very strange that you haven't come back on to reply to any of the questions asked so far when you were clearly very keen for advice at the begining of the thread

Don't do this.

No way.

You will be hundreds of miles and 12 hours from your children.

And your relationship sounds far from stable/permanent.

I think it would be a massive mistake.

I know this doesn't solve his attitude but can you do your course in a London uni?

I wouldn't leave my children but only you know what's right for you.

No I would not leave them. Either take them or don't go

I'm in exactly the same position op!
I'm marking my place & will read & post back later!

The only option for me would be not to study in Scotland. Your family surely has to take priority.

No, I wouldn't leave my children in the situation that you describe, ever.

Not only would I find it heartbreaking, I think it would fuck up their emotional well being.

The fact that their are plenty of men who choose to check in and out as weekend parents is neither here nor there, I think it is as equally cold.

If he said he would relocate when you applied, unless he has a very good reason for changing his mind, I would say he is being very controlling. Go and take the children with you - it sounds like you shouldn't be in that relationship anyway.

hairytale- your only option? Really? So you'd let him dictate to you what was going or not going to happen?

There might be a good reason for OP to have picked Scotland. A friend of mine had to live apart from his fiancee for a few years to study in Scotland as he was doing teacher training and needed a Scottish qualification to teach in Scotland (which was their long-term plan).

plenty of men work away leaving mothers on their own with children, whats the difference??
you will be doing someting that will be of benefit to them. if you and your family feel comfortable with it then do it.

Of course I wouldn't leave them. Obviously not! Why ask the question, then post again less than a minute later in CAPS and then not return

Where has the OP gone ?! Just gave DS the quickest bath ever so I could get back on here and have a nose at her response and it's all gone tumble-weedy. Bah

Red flags for me here. He is asking you to chose between your children and your education. I would take the kids to Scotland and leave him behind.

Am very interested to know where op has gone though especially after demanding help at the beginning.

wondering if this is one of those reverse scenarios -op are you the dad?

on the one hand i think you are making a rash decision to even contemplate leaving a pair of toddlers BUT............have you been forced into this decision by your partner and is he calling your bluff to try and stop you going to uni?
my dad did something similar with my mum when i was little and this op kind of rang a bell.

I think she is half way to Scotland with the kids.

There's a note on a kitchen table somewhere in London saying: Gone to Scotland, mumsnet told me to, feel free to pop up at the weekend.

chipping I'd compromise for the sake of my family and choose a mire do-able option. The ops dp had changed his mind about relocating to the other side of the country. Thats no more dictating than the op leaving during the week or taking the kids away.

Human beings change their minds. They are fallible.

lazybones

Or she is XXXXing under a XXXXX

How could anyone tell the OP to go and take the children, without knowing if she has any family or support there?

And without knowing how much support/family is in their home town?

The eldest child will be old enough for nursey/school, do one year and then the OP's course will end, what then?

I would never be able to do that, ever! I wouldn't advise it either in terms of him having an excellent chance of keeping them if you split. No career/degree is worth that. Apply somewhere nearer? You honestly wouldn't miss them?