Do i leave the kids????

[sunshine2709]

I am currently living in London with my partner (planning on getting married in December), our two year old son and one year old daughter. I recently got accept to a University back home in Scotland so i will have to move back home for sometime.

My partner no longer wishes to relocate even though we discussed it before i applied. So the problem is he wants me to keep the children here with him while i go to study.

From were i will be studying it's around 12hrs on bus away from London. He has said we will see each other every weekend and on holidays.

I would like people to be honest...
Does this sound reasonable? or should i take the kids? (this will make our relationship finish)

If i did leave the kids and in the future something went wrong would i still have rights to my children?

I want this to work but i don't want to lose my kids in the long run.

PLEASE help i would like to try this as love my family but i would love your advice and honesty.

HELP PLEASEEEEEE!!!

What exactly are you asking us? Whether or not it's reasonable to leave your children with their father for 5 days of the week?

Well, unless you have doubts about his abilities as a father then yes, that seems perfectly reasonable. However, if what you really want to know is, is this an OK thing to do as a mother - only you can answer that. All you'll get here is people's personal reactions to the idea of leaving their own children for that length of time.

For what it's worth I also have a one year old and the idea of leaving him for 5 days of the week, and being a 12 hour bus ride away should anything happen to him, is absolutely and totally horrifying to me. I couldn't do it. No way on earth. Never ever ever.

I don't think posting on here is going to help you to be honest. You need to work this one out for yourself.

is it because Uni in Scotland is free, and here you'd have to pay a hefty fee? otherwise I could not see why you would not do a course closer by.

Also, it seems odd to me that you seem prepared to give up your relationship, or that you accept that you moving without the kids would kill it.

Would you even WANT to be away from the kids that much?

you seem oddly disconnected from your partner, and this set up (either you or him with kids) will put a strain on your relationship, and make things worse...

I dont think a travel time of 12hrs is doable every other weekend especially as you'll have coursework etc to factor in as well

If it was me i'd take the kids, they are very young and wouldn't understand why mummy has suddenly gone away but then you've got the problem of potentially living in student digs with toddlers unless you have enough money to rent a 2 bedroom flat for you and the kids

I guess if you dont do this now then it might never happen but personally I wouldn't do it without the kids or would possibly postpone university till they were older. Was OU or distance learning not an option for the course you wanted to do? I think either way you have to consider that the relationship with your DP may be over as he's not really supporting you in your future aspirations

no way could I leave my children. I'd either take them with me (presumably if Scotland is home you have family up there possibly able to offer some kind of support) and hope the relationship survives (I'd seriously question the validity of a relationship with a man who would expect you to leave your children having gone back on a previous agreement to relocate) or I would look for a University place closer and take the hit financially. Leaving my children just wouldn't be an option.

Absolutely not a chance on God's earth would I leave my two year old for even 3 days unless it was absolutely, totally essential.

My honest opinion is that something must be wrong for you to be even contemplating it.

Sitting on a bus for 12 hours! You are not going to be travelling back every weekend with a journey like that if you have studying to do too.

How old are the kids? No you will not see each other every weekend. Can you do this course or similar closer?
If the kids are about to do public exams then you probably need to leave them. If they are small you need to take them.

I wouldn't leave my children, no. I couldn't.

The important thing is for the two of you to discuss it and agree how it's going to work, and what will happen when you finish the course, and decide between you what's the best thing to do.

If you split up though, the children would be with him. He would be the primary carer and you'd be in the situation that men are normally in when they leave the family home - weekend visits.

You say that if you went up with them, the relationship would be over. That's a pretty big thing considering you also say you're going to get married! I'd be very worried that I'd go, with all the promises and arrangements, then find that it all turned to shit and he's got primary custody. Courts don't tend to uproot children that are settled without bloody good cause.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me away from my children for that long op, sorry.
Why has your partner changed his mind about relocating?
Is he controlling in other aspects, and what would he do about childcare?

He could possibly use your absence against you in the future, so think very carefully.

so you want to get married but your dp will now not move with you and you worry that if you leave you won't get your kids back?

Possibly either you should go study in scotland or you shouldn't marry??

I think the overwhelming response here OP is a No....

I would look for a study course nearere to home, possible??

I would (personally) not leave them, some things are sacrosanct

Sorry but I could never leave my children and yours are still tiny.

Personally OP if I put a post up asking for help I wouldn't be demanding it 30 secs later in block capitals!!!
Don't think I am going to have anything constructive to offer actually as you are striking me as a character I might prefer to avoid. Not based on much obviously, but then these are just internet threads and we can only go off what there is.

I think you need to provide more information, as how you've explained it, it's a bit confusing and sounds very 'all or nothing'.

I really don't think you would be happy without the children, fwiw.

don't leave them, does he just not want you to go?

If he won't follow you for something as worthwhile as a degree, he's probably isn't the right man to marry.

OP probably just hasn't updated her profile. Details on mine are wrong too.

No