Has anyone come to the conclusion that they'd be better living their life single?

[Memoo]

I really feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. I dream about moving away on my own once the dc have all left home. I'm sure Im just not cut out for a relationship and wonder why we all seem to feel like we need to be in a couple to be happy.

As time goes on I feel more and more like this. I left an abusive relationship nearly a year ago and have no interest in getting involved again. Also I look at the couples around me and that just reinforces it

I'm starting to feel this way. Especialy when I read posts on here about lazy, abusive twats of men and problems with kids and ex wives and money and affairs etc - I'm starting to think I'm lucky I'm single.

Yep! I have ExH who acts like a teenager that's left home, comes around to see the kids, eats me out of home and generally thinks he still lives here! I have to send him home when he wants to go for a nap!!!! I just want to scream at you dont fucking live here anymore cba to post about it cos I know I'll be flamed for being a soft touch but yes I want to be a single, autonomous being! That is the dream!

Yes. My ex has just moved out leaving our son and I to live together. It was a mutual decision and I feel so much better. I'm not entirely sure I'm cut out for this relationship business. Not right now anyway. I seem to pick selfish buggers.

Yep! I really value being single at the moment and have absolutely zero desire to get into another relationship. I too listen to friends talking about their marriages and just feel relieved that I don't have to deal with all that domestic tedium. I don't think there is anywhere near enough focus on women, or indeed men, 'finding themselves'. There is such social pressure on being in a couple as the golden prize in life, but the reality seems to be lots of humdrum relationships that fail to nourish the individuals within it, and sadly plenty of truly unhappy / abusive relationships. Yes, a good relationship is a wonderful thing, but at the moment I am really enjoying ME first. I lost me for a long time in the drudge of married motherhood and I am truly glad to have the chance to experience life on my 'own' (which of course I am not, I have a lovely family / friends etc).

MIL kept telling me how lonely I'd be on my own. It's early days yet, but am fine. I'd rather be on my own and lonely than in a relationship but still feeling alone. That in my opinion is far worse.

Being lonely in a relationship is just soul destroying.

I don't think I'd be lonely on my own. I have some good friends and id keep myself busy.

I just want to concentrate on being me. Not being one half of my marriage. I want to rediscover who I am because at the moment I feel like I'm defined by my marriage and my H.

That's lovely ruby :)

I think it sometimes. But then I get brought an unexpected cup of tea or bowls of nuts and I think I'd miss that.
A smll thing, but not unimportant.
I suppose it depends how bad the relationship is.
I spend a lot of time on my own when dh away with work. And I like it when he's back as I like the help and the company. I do not feel unable to find myself when in a couple. But having young children is a very big hurdle in the way of such introspection. It can be hard to separate out the aspects of family life that become too difficult.
But as I said, I do think that I would prefer to be alone sometimes- that's normal. The grass is alwasy greener from the OTHER side of the fence. Not quite so fresh when you get there.

I agree ruby, but memoo, how complex are your circumstances- that will surely help you decide if its better to be alone or stay put. (I said Help , not the only factor before I get flamed).

Oh yes, I came to that conclusion many years ago and I have never regretted it. I love being single. Life is much much happier.

I can't put up with selfish men, or their horrid habits, or picking up their stinky socks, or avoiding horrible moods, or having to pander to their egos, or paying for their crap or pretending to like boring sex.

I don't feel lonely. I feel free.

Another solo here :) I'm isolated and do get lonely, but really nothing like as much as I expected and have become such a selfish old bag, I'd struggle to share again. It's great do everything - from eating & sleeping to decorating & going away - on my terms only. The loneliness you feel in a bad relationship is so excruciating, a little bit of "wish somebody was here" is nothing at all. Anyway, there's Skype, the phone and Mumsnet!

With all the work I'm doing on myself following a lifetime of abusive twats, my standards are now so incredibly high it's unlikely I'll meet anyone who fits them. I'm not looking. I'm not anti another relationship but, frankly, don't think I'll have one and that's fine.

There are still things I gleefully relish about being solo - usually small indulgences like sleeping star-shaped, eating salad with my fingers and leaving MY wet towels on the floor if I feel like it

Pretty much, yes. I never had the vision of getting married, having kids and house etc so I don't miss it particularly. I miss sex, but not if it's not great. I miss being in love, but that doesn't last anyway- after a while it's just love rather than in love- if you're lucky. It descends into habit and having heard all the stories before. I do what I like now.

I know I would be better off without DP, but our children would not.

So ho hum, here I stay.

Another one joining the chorus of happy singletons here.

Yes it does get a bit lonely sometimes but not for long and not bad enough to drive me into the arms of an unsuitable companion.

In any case, the cats and I have got used to having all the bed to ourselves so there's no room for a full-time second human occupant now

Second the 'selfish old bag' comment - can't imagine swapping my peaceful nights listening to 'old lady fm' and reading for the noise and demands of a man now.

Occasionally - when I get fed up of DP's messy habits, his 'hilariously ironic' sense of humour, how he goes on the Xbox almost as soon as he gets in from work then has a break for tea then goes straight back on it until after I've gone to bed and wonders why I'm not up for 'intimate' times (because it's hard to feel attracted to someone when you're sharing their attention with a machine, you berk).

When he sulks for ages because he doesn't like the presents/birthday treats I get him because it obviously shows that I don't care enough about him.

How he says that he's not going to initiate intimacy any more because a few weeks ago I was feeling miserable and so turned him down for sex for 10 days (he counted, I didn't)

How often when I say I dislike something (my commute which is significantly longer than his for example) he'll be dismissive about my feelings and harp on about how at school/work before we even met he had an hour's commute each way, and his dad always had a long commute to work blah blah blah as if that's an argument of such irrefutable logic that he wins it straight away. (hint: I stop arguing because I am not you nor your dad, berk, I'm a separate, autonomous human being perfectly capable of forming my own opinions and now I'm hurt you don't show empathy for my feelings.)

How he'll be dismissive about my feelings about things which he couldn't possible know (such as when I travelling home from work one night and some young lads who stank of body odour having just finished football practise or some other exercise got on and stank the whole bus out. I actually felt ill it was so bad and mentioned the incident to DP in a 'you'll never believe how minging this was!' way, I understand that teenagers have to get home, I just wish they'd have a shower first :) His response even though he WASN'T EVEN THERE? 'Oh, it wasn't so bad!')

How throughout my career when I travelled a lot he'd throw three-monthly sulks about me moving abroad or forgetting him and I bent over backwards to reassure him that the travel-intensive job was temporary and to ensure I was mindful of how he felt being left at home. Now he's facing his contract ending it's apparently ok for him to muse about getting a job in the US/Canada/Germany without realising how hypocritical he is being.

Fortunately he's stopped scraping his verrucas off on my side of the bed. I put my foot down for that one and for once he listened.

Sorry if I'm a bit ranty, I'm a bit fed up right now!

he's stopped scraping his verrucas off on my side of the bed. I put my foot down - Hope you didn't put your foot down on the virus-infested shavings!

Seriously, munkysea. Let us tempt you over to the dark solo side, where nobody nags and the grass is greener.

munkysea - nodding along to virtually all of the points of your rant. Except for the scraping verrucas - Ewwwwww!

Sounds like its time to have a serious think about joining the happy band of singletons no longer forced to listen to x-box noises/whining for sex/about presents and being having all of your opinions/perceptions obliterated (to mention just a small number of issues)

:)

I dread being on my own. My dp is a bit of a twat, but I have never lived alone and come from a big family. I do like to be alone, for a few hours, but one night alone and I start going a bit crazy. I talk to myself, the cats, anything.

But I would quite like to live with my dds but without him. I'm not sure I want to end the relationship as such, we are part of each other now, but I would like the simplicity of being the only one with a set of rules in the house. At the moment there are rules but they are flagrantly ignored by him and consequently the dcs.

We have compromised and we no longer sleep together - for personal hygiene reasons ala munkysea. The marital bedroom is now a skunkpit and I refuse to enter.

I really don't understand why in our society, being in a relationship is seen as the pinnacle of achievement. People seem relieved to hear you are coupled off, congratulate you on getting hitched - why? Lots of relationships are hard work and many marriages end in divorce and bitterness.

I am all for breaking out of the badly fitting mould that dictates we must be in a relationship to be part of the human race.

I've lived on my own with my DCs for 13yrs and it has been the right thing to do. I've had plenty of relationships and my current one is 4.5 yrs long. It's a pretty single life as DP is v busy, so am I. He gives me very little support atm and I'm imagining life without him right now, things seem to be petering out.

Nothing wrong with talking to cats horsetowater - mine have started to 'talk' back now.

No, really, they do

The thought of being all on my own is what kept me stuck in the 'better the devil you know' trap for many years.

The reality is that I have been and am just so relieved to be able to be myself at last (17 years devoted to 2 long term relationships in total) and am so busy thinking about/planning what I would like to do with my life it leaves little time to feel negative about the situation.

Before I left my last relationship I often used to think how lonely it was being with a person in the same room who just wasn't really interested in being with me (always elsewhere mentally, tv, games console etc) and I was right.

Whatever periods of loneliness I go through now are nowhere near as bad as being on my own with another person was, if that makes sense.

i get quite a good balance as am married, but DH works away a fair bit, so I get at least a week a month (often 2) when it's just me and DS. I know a lot of people say "what's the point of being married if you're apart a lot" but I like it and I think DH secretly does as well. We're both "lone wolves" i think. We like our solo evenings.

Although it's backfired a bit this week as we're moving house at the weekend and DH (due to his own shit planning) is in NY,arriving home 5am Sunday. I was only slightly smug when I told him the chances of a restorative nap were zero as the bed will be in bits.

I love living alone, there is waaaay less housework to do:)
I am a very solitary type though..have very little need for company.
It's so peaceful and relaxing not having to negotiate and compromise all the time