Has anyone come to the conclusion that they'd be better living their life single?

[Memoo]

I really feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. I dream about moving away on my own once the dc have all left home. I'm sure Im just not cut out for a relationship and wonder why we all seem to feel like we need to be in a couple to be happy.

Oh, look, I don't mind being a cog in the capitalist machine! I'm a very small, rusty cog atm - well, more like the tiny spindle of a small, rusty cog - but I LIKED being a big, shiny, unpaired cog. Being a bling cog makes people nasty about why you're single, but I assume that's because you have successfully overthrown the capitalist marriage myth.

Hurrah!

Ooo, I like the sound of being a bling cog!!!

Shallow shiny shit maker perhaps??

I often have thoughts like this, so I am glad I am not the only one.

I cant imagine DH and I will be together once the children have left home, which saddens me.

This thread makes me a bit sad.

I am gladly and thankfully out of an abusive relationship with my DCs.

I am currently working on my self esteem and boundaries. I am enjoying being on my own, and living and enjoying my DCs - no interest in relationships in the near future.

However, much of where I am is due to past experience and abuse - having shame and guilt put on me that belonged to someone else.

I am only 27 and think a relationship will not make me happy. Only I can make me happy and valued. It would however be sad that I was trapped to living a single life for the rest of my life because I'm too frightened to let someone abuse me again.

I may indeed never find someone I settle down with and would be very happy :) But I want to e in a place where I can make that choice.
And that my future is not one decided by my past abuser and experiences. He does not deserve that power.

Thank Lawobble you have answered my earlier post...a bit. It's a pity that society validates couples and treats singles like anomalies that need sorting out. Bring on singledom I say!
Yay!
And here's a just for the heck of it.

It seems as if many people are conditioned to think of coupledom as their best hope of fulfilment, in life and to feel as if they are somehow defective and in need of fixing if they cant manage to find happiness in a relationship.

I think alot of relationships are held together in part by financial interdependence, but also the need to conform and for social approval, as if life is somehow second rate if you dont devote it to someone else.

Well I've done all that shiit...I'm living for me now

Even better garlic

(((Bobits))), sorry to hear you are feeling sad. You're absolutely right about the ideal situation is to be able to make an informed / reasoned choice, with fear of any kind not being a factor. Do you think some counselling or life coaching type stuff would be useful for you?

Nice pear

loveis "Well I've done all that shiit...I'm living for me now" Hooray!!!!

Think I need to go to bed, I'm getting a bit giddy...

I grew up around people living a bohemian lifestyle and no one, repeat no one ever got married. Twenty years down the line it seems as though people can't wait to get to the finish line, or the altar, which ever you want to call it.

The same people who I lived with in anarchic feminist communities with are now buying strappy shoes, handbags and congratulating each other on their achievement of being taken out of circulation.

It makes me feel very disappointed. I'm not saying that they should be 'out there' but the implication that they weren't 'complete' before makes me despair.

Cutted why do you think the anarchic feminists went all mainstream?
Social pressure just got too much?

In their defence social pressure can be very very weighty..not conforming can make you feel like an outcast!

I've been a single mum for 3 years since ex went of with younger woman then through a string of failed relationships. We were together for 19 years. I was very lonely in the last few years of our relationship and really don't miss him (just sex!) He'd like to get back together, we have a lot of history (and some fun times long long ago) but I don't think I want to compromise my life any more. Scared to become the mad old cat woman Everyone else thinks I'm mad, so glad to find you all here tonight.

Thanks lawobble, I'm feeling positive that I'm getting there :)

I just meant I felt sad because I got the impression people feel the 'pressure' to be in a couple.

I know what you mean - I'm now a single parent (again) and my 2 dc's have different daddies. Huge social stigma

I've never wanted to get married, (even when in a relationship) the idea of blowing 5k(minimum) on 'a day' brought me out in a cold sweat - what I could do with 5k...barbados anyone?!

Marriage is a bit of paper that meant I'd be liable to half your debt I thought...
Goodness, I'm such a cynic :)

Mind, my ex did propose in the most romantic way when pg, "will we just get married because of family, and because it would be easier"
...Lost for words...Why I hung around till the end of my pg and for 2 months after?!

Great thread :)

I want a manfriend for dating... only.

:) @ shiny shit. I'm currently aspiring to be a shit shiner with my thoughts of setting up as a cleaner par excellence :)

Second (or third or forth) the manfriend for dating only.

Thanks for the nice time, now get dressed and go home, the cats and I need our sleep (is what I imagine myself saying, with confidence :))

thats the spirit, dont let anyone interfere with your sleep & well being.
(I always make it very clear that sleepovers are not on the menu )

Bibi, you WILL be the creme de la clean! You're so germanic - and adorable - and, if you is trufin' in your posts, a whole new class of domestic goddess!
Go for it Charge double.
Just don't clean for your boss, OK?

This thread is great!!! I've just got out a relationship because I was missing single life too much...being in a relationship that wasn't right for me made me more lonely and a bit depressed.

I'd love to meet someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and be happier than when I'm single, but until (or if!!) he comes along, single life is for me.

I just wish society as a whole was more accepting. I'm mid 30's and I know friends/family think i'm slightly mad as the last bloke was lovely, just not for me.

I feel a huge relief and weight off my shoulders now I'm single again...long may this feeling last!

Another loud YES for single life!

Bobbits my 2 DCs have different dads, no stigma at all. I find that it is where you look for it - only as much stigma as if a church goer thought I should be one too. I live in a little village and I've never had any problems.
I agree with the thought of what we could do with the money spent on a wedding - if only we had the money in the first place eh?

Ineffable - I can't work out why these woman went mainstream. Obviously there is something I'm not getting. They put me in mind of lemmings.

"Go for it Charge double.
Just don't clean for your boss, OK?"

Thanks very much for that garlic, made me laugh with my morning coffee. I've got the name, how I want my website to look, what will go on the advertising flyers etc.

Just need a leetle more courage now and I'll be on my way to freeing myself from the clutches of Mr moody, glary boss man :)

That's another thing about being single, just having the headspace and time to really think about what might be possible in my life, without someone else pouring 'if's' and 'but's' into the pot.

thats what i found with co habiting, there's that constant low level pressure from the other person trying to mould you into what they want\need
when single i can just be myself

Hmm, I've thought about internet dating, loves, but the idea of being naked in front of someone feels weird. And I wouldn't want him on my territory.

My question is though, how do you keep two households financially stable? That's what needs to happen in our case - between us we would need to make enough to run two homes - so I would have to work FT and would hardly get to see dcs.

I hope I will be happier alone.

I can't imagine how I could be any more miserable so think it's worth a try.
Money will be tight, but freedom may make it worthwhile, I hope.