Has anyone come to the conclusion that they'd be better living their life single?

[Memoo]

I really feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. I dream about moving away on my own once the dc have all left home. I'm sure Im just not cut out for a relationship and wonder why we all seem to feel like we need to be in a couple to be happy.

a wild night in a hotel somewhere far away - This is actually my heartbreak cure. It's never failed me yet

Serious question - how do you find the person to be wild with? I feel a bit shy about unveiling my body, complete with c-section scar, to a new man.

Money wouldn't be tight with us - there would be no option but to work full time for wages that wouldn't pay the rent.

I was married for a LONG time and at the end it was just soul destroying. It took me a long time (and Mumsnet) to see all the EA that I was putting up with. I have now moved out and live alone for the first time in my life and I feel so much better. No more walking on eggshells, no more craving for a little bit of affection. I'm never lonely, in fact I enjoy being alone in the evening. I even feel less lonely, living alone that when I was in a relationship. If you can figure that out...Money is a bit tight at times, but hey ho, it's so much worth it.

I am happily single and can't imagine living with anyone again as I love having my own space and suiting myself.

At the moment I am isolated because of parenting responsibilities but I'm hoping this situation will ease as my DS gets older and I can get a bit of a life of my own back up and running.

I'm in no hurry to find someone else. Life is much simpler and more pleasant than it was no I'm on my own.

now

I'm in a relationship and we have 2 small DCs. My DP is a workaholic and I can't see that ever changing so I have to enjoy my own company. Having him in the house too much these days stresses me out, he just slobs around and creates mess. It's so much better, more calm and orderly when it's just me and the kids. I could really imagine living alone when the kids are older as I have lots of interests. But maybe I'll keep my DP for the odd token date night!

Nickname - re: heartbreak cure! I go to a nice hotel somewhere pretty, as far away as I can afford. I book in for two or three nights. Identify a suitable target (or a few if you're lucky). Remember we're not looking for relationship material here - for me, the necessary qualities are a cheerful attitude, sense of humour, a little bit of chemistry and enough interest. Flirt like a nutter. Nobody knows you, so who gives a fuck what they think?!

Do not have meaningful conversations with target, this could ruin everything.

Overcoming the body shame is the biggest part of this for me. The last one (some years ago now, but there will be others ) said "I don't know how old you are but your confidence is incredibly sexy." Bingo!!

I keep in mind my great-aunt's sterling advice: When you're the only naked woman in the room, you're the most beautiful woman in the world
If that doesn't work for you, keep the lights off or your dress on! But a C-section scar is nothing in the scheme of things, and hardly unusual.

Do not share breakfast.
Do not share contact details.
Do use condoms.
Do say goodbye nicely.

Do have fun It's all about you, remember!

Sorry for thread diversion.

Ooh, garlic, thanks for the tips! I'll give it serious consideration....may take me a while to muster up the courage, but meanwhile I'll enjoy at least thinking about it....

sounds good, nickname

Garlick you are a pearl and I love your name (plus good thing I am alone tonight due to large amount of garlic at lunch .

noluck, I did a double-take reading that last sentence. All Garlic's fault, she's put naughty thoughts in my mind!

I haven't come to that conclusion. But it has occurred to me as a possibility from time to time.

Am married to a good chap - not exciting, not perfect, but one of the good guys. Have lovely kids. Life is OK. But there are times when I would really love it to just be me and the DC. DH somewhere in the vicinity and on good terms, but not living with us. I would just be easier and less stressful;

Marriage suits men because they get a live in cook, cleaner, nanny, etc

A tad sexist. I certainly don't want any woman to do that for me, thank you very much: I can and do do all that myself.

I am married and it's OK, but I do miss being single sometimes and having a place of my own. Some of what you're writing about (avoiding moodiness and bad habits etc) rings true for us men too, you know.

Tok, I'm sorry if I offended you, it's true that some men aren't like that but the vast majority ARE that way. You only have to read a few threads on here to know that.

I don't feel lonely being single but I did feel alone as I have never met any other happy single people.

Memoo I think these discussion boards may be a bit slewed. If you're happy and have a man who does his fair share you don't come online to commisserate - you probably don't want anyone else to know in case they steal him!

Tok, I'm sorry if I offended you

Oh no, not offended as such. I know from reading these threads that it's possible to get a really skewed view, as Freeagent says. Hardly anyone comes on here to praise her partner, it's usually for advice when things are going wrong.

I have a lot of male friends who can and do cook, help look after a house, know one end of a small child from the other, etc in fact the majority, I'd say. Dinosaurs who do nothing are rare in my experience.

Tokamak I'm sure there are some blokes out there who do their fair share. Indeed when I was married I considered that my then H did quite a lot of house / kid work (and then had a rude awakening when he left and my housework burden reduced dramatically).

However I'm also sure that there are a huge number of men out there who think that they do loads of housework, but IME (and that of almost every single one of my friends, who would certainly not deem their partners to be dinosaurs) it is the woman that does the cruddy end of the housework, i.e. cleans the toilet, the bath, does the majority of the ironing / laundry, changes the bed sheets, makes the kids lunch boxes etc. Whereas the men cook some meals and shove a few bits of mess about the place and mow the lawn once every 3 weeks, and somehow think that this is equal share. Plus they seem to be stuck in the pattern where the woman has to ASK the man to do xyz which they then do, but the man doesn't automatically view it as his role and just get on with it.

As I say, this is the majority experience of me and friends, but I'm sure there are plenty of glowing examples of couples who genuinely share the load.

A huge plus of being single is of course that because you are the only one responsible for the housework, you automatically escape the mild resentments about 'it's your turn to do x tonight' and all those utterly exhausting and tedious little conversations that surround this area. You just make a mess, and then tidy it up when it suits you. Perfect .

it is the woman that does the cruddy end of the housework, i.e. cleans the toilet, the bath, does the majority of the ironing / laundry, changes the bed sheets, makes the kids lunch boxes etc.

Interesting. I would say that most of my male friends would share these tasks pretty equally with their wives/partners, as far as I know from conversations that have come up.

In our case OK I admit I don't iron, but then I'm crap at it. I do 90% of the cooking though, because I'm better at that. I clean the loo and bathroom and keep the kitchen tidy, because that's the way we divvy things up. Bed sheets are a joint affair ;-)

I'm so sad because I really want to be with my partner but he is a selfish cunt and doesn't want to know. I know I would be better off alone but financially we are stuck together. I told him tonight that I am low and have PNDepression and he just stormed out. I hate him sometimes and just know I would be better off alone.

...always skint with the ex that should say

Rowood - at times like this things can feel hopeless and impossibly stuck but there is always something we can do to free ourselves. That sounds really patronising, sorry but I recently read a book that basically had this premise and also said that often its the price we have to pay to get out of a situation that either eludes us or seems too high to pay.

Maybe have a think about what the price would have to be in your situation (be it emotional or monetary or both) and whether there's a way you can 'pay' it and be free?

Your homework for this week tokamak, ask your male friends and their wives to describe what housework tasks they normally carry out (without nagging), compare the results and report back to us

Rowood, sorry you are feeling so bad, but you know we only get one life, and it is our responsibility alone to live the best life we can. If you are unhappy in a relationship you have the power in you to change your life. I totally understand that feeling of being trapped or paralysed, but these feelings are within your own head, and you ARE able to make change. An elderly female relative of mine stayed in a miserable marriage for DECADES, every few years she would almost come to the decision to leave, and then would find a reason why she couldn't. He has now died, but she is very old and physically pretty limited. I imagine she feels that she has wasted her life, that is certainly my take on it. It is such a sad and terrible waste. She always had it in her power to leave, but set up barriers for herself.