Has anyone come to the conclusion that they'd be better living their life single?

[Memoo]

I really feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. I dream about moving away on my own once the dc have all left home. I'm sure Im just not cut out for a relationship and wonder why we all seem to feel like we need to be in a couple to be happy.

I think it's a natural way to feel if you're in a bad relationship.

I don't see why you'd feel that way if you were in a good relationship -- if you're happy and loved up, why would you want to lose that?

If you're seriously dreaming of being single, not just wistfully missing a few aspects of it, then it's probably time to start thinking about really ending your relationship.

I do think a lot of terrible relationships could be avoided if people could learn to truly love their single life and not be willing to give it up except for someone great.

I am past having children, live in a house I really like, have a job I enjoy and will see DD off to university later this year. I will miss her but this is an exciting prospect for her. In short there is so much good in my life already. Many, though not all, men of my generation are very traditional and would do little or nothing in the house or garden. It would be unreasonable of me (not a looker) to expect younger guys to look at me when there are so many lovely young women everywhere. I would not want the boat rocked by emotion or entanglement. This is a recent epiphany and I am happy with that thought.

Thanks Bibi, I do know you're right, but there's almost no point in separating now. It would just be another Major Project and trying to fund the running of two homes in our area would be extremely hard and unrealistic. Thinking about a loft conversion (with its own kitchen and bathroom) where he can be as skunky as he likes.

Unless of course I decide to head for the hills and go for the Good Life option, but dds wouldn't like that and I'd need a man around to chop wood and plough the field. And there would be spiders to deal with alone, and spooky noises.

But of course you are right, having a live-in relationship that works, with a man born in the 1950s is not the best recipe for a harmonious life.

I've been single for about 18 years... ever since my marriage broke up. Hasn't stopped me doing anything including having DS 12 years ago. I have a good social life, go out with various boyfriends, comfortably off financially, plus I get plenty of time to myself. Maybe one day I'd like to share things with someone again but they'd have to be pretty special for me to make the sacrifice!

Except for a brief and ill-advised marriage, I've usually been solo. Mostly, I like it, and I haven't seen many relationships I envy. I do miss sex, though, and somebody who would reassure me when I'm getting wound up about something.

nickname, single doesnt have to mean celibate :)

I know in theory, but in practice, I just can't work out how I can go out there and get me some.

I can't imagine having the time to fit someone in!

I have DD7 4 nights a week and on the other 3 nights go to the gym/running club or out with friends ...

I would love to snog someone though and have a bit of a cuddle .. had a dream about snogging an attractive friend last night - I was most disappointed to wake up and find out it was only a dream :(

there's always the wacky world of internet dating nickname...

XH left and at that point had been with someone or other my entire life

I heartily second all the different plus points about single life

Actually there is really nothing against it apart from the lack of sex. My dream would be to climb into bed have great sex, a little cuddle and then hey presto they vanish until this process is repeated as when required

Seriously even with the traumas of moving house , divorce and shepherding 2 DC through it all the last 2 years single have been happier than in a long long time. Yes of course being in a happy relationship is lovely but for me I end up giving up far too much of myself for not enough in return

The thing is I don't think I do have a particularly bad relationship. He is supportive, does loads round the house, let's me lie in on a Sunday. I could actually think of loads of good things about being with dh but I struggle to think of even on thing he does wrong or one reason to leave him
He is a brilliant father too and the kids adore him.

He is my 2nd dh and the thought of another failed marriage is

I don't think it's my marriage that makes me want to be single. I actually think I am just not capable of living with a man, any man.

I might join a feminist commune

I have a failed marriage, three ds's and have a partner of 2 years.
We don't live together and I like it like that. I spend every other weekend with him. I LOVE my own space and not having to speak or entertain someone.
I can't see this arrangement changing even though we are doing his house up 'our' house he calls it.
I just love that quiet time when the kids are in bed, I can relax and sleep in my own bed :}

This is exactly how ive been feeling recently. I wish my DP would leave me, and we could just be friends. I want to be single. I dont want to have to focus on anyone else but me and my DD. I really struggle with relationships, and have come to the conclusion i would be better off alone. Can't really afford it at the minute though

Memoo I agree even a good relationship with a nice man seems more trouble than it's worth, or to put it another way life feels so much easier living alone..the cost of any relationship seems to always outweigh the benefits

oh I feel so validated:) :) :)

I love this thread . I was devastated for a long time at the breakdown of my marriage, but now that has healed and I am really enjoying the single me, I'm starting to feel as if I've stumbled across a wonderful secret that for some reason the world doesn't want to share with women!

That's just it! The fact that it's good to be single is like a closely guarded secret. Society wants us as women to subscribe to the idea that being happy means getting a husband. But I don't get why.

I feel quite liberated reading this thread. I feel like I want to run up and down hills like Julie Andrews in The sound of music.

Do you ever get the feeling that it's all for the benefit of the men? Marriage suits men because they get a live in cook, cleaner, nanny, etc and we even give them children (although I rather like that bit )

It's all because the nuclear family set up suits capitalism. Wifey stays at home and churns out future workers and buys lots of shiny plastic stuff from catalogues, whilst looking after their husbands needs so that he can work long demanding hours at the factory, churning out shiny plastic stuff for other men's wives to buy. Who wins? The factory owner!

I agree, men get the better deal (broadly speaking) out of marriage, they still have the balance of power and status and are therefore in a position to nudge things in their favour.
Woman are conditioned into serving other people needs...we just need to develop new habits, find a new groove, spread the wuuuurd

and that...we are all mere cogs in the capitalist machine..

I'm with you sister, let's storm the streets and let women know that being single rocks! .

Oh, and that buying shiny plastic shit merely depletes our souls