Has anyone come to the conclusion that they'd be better living their life single?

[Memoo]

I really feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship at all. I dream about moving away on my own once the dc have all left home. I'm sure Im just not cut out for a relationship and wonder why we all seem to feel like we need to be in a couple to be happy.

LovesPeace, do you want to start your own thread?

Nini .. but not with my yellow gnashers ... huh?? You think a cheerful man being offered no-strings sex is going to quibble over the shade of your tooth enamel? This isn't Hollywood, you know!

Nini? Bibi!

PMSL @ it's not Hollywood. Helps to reel em in though if you're imperfections don't smack someone in the eye immediately s'all.

Perhaps I'll just walk through the hotel bar naked - let my other cheeks do the 'smiling' instead

your, thank you I-pod

Todamak I think in the good old days, if you had enough money, you would have a room each, or possibly even a separate wing in the house. That would do me fine. When you've lived with the same person for 20 years you just need somewhere to do your own thing - I'm sure men feel the same. You can love someone but hate their habits. My parents spent a lot of time apart - it saved their marriage, which lasted for 50 years!

But this is a thread about being single, not living together apart. Freedom is so tempting though.

There's a lot to be said for having your own space even while together I think horse.

Especially during the night - i always used to feel so resentful over the amount of comfort and peaceful sleep I was expected to sacrifice to a fidgeting, snoring, bed-hogging furnace as an adult.

There you are as a child and teenager, cherishing your room and your bed but no one prepares you for the 'relationship years'

Weird isn't it, how two individuals are expected to become almost symbiotic when living together when really you're always seperated entities with your own likes and dislikes, comforts and 'funny ways'

I've always liked my own space but unfortunately chose to live with limpets who couldn't carry on existing in the world without losing the will to live if I chose to read War & peace watch wife swap in the bedroom away from them.

I can't wait to hear the results of Todamak's research.

I think normal results would be (men) 10% v 90% (women) split in the housework. But the men would view this as 40% v 60%. Proving that men are not only lazy, they are also in deluded.

reminds me of that bit in the wifework book happybubble, where in one survey a load of men claimed to have been the only ones operating certain household appliances such as dishwasher/tumble dryer only to be told afterwards their households didn't even contain said appliances

Bibi, absolutely. I think iPlayer and laptops have saved many relationships from remote control meltdown.

I've made it to the age of 47 without ever having married or lived with a partner. This suits me just fine. I have had a few relationships with men during which we sometimes talked about marrying or moving in with each other, but I always managed to find good reasons for it not to happen 'just yet' and therefore was able to hang on to my freedom.

The reason why there is so much pressure on women to pairbond is because marriage and couplehood have been arranged by men for men's benefit: the idea is that every man who wants one is entitled to own a woman for housekeeping and breeding purposes, and one of the ways this entitlement is supposed to be met is by convincing women that they are the ones who need couplehood. Previously this was pretty much enforced by the fact that women who didn't have a male owner in the form of a husband were the property of their fathers, and if their fathers died they belonged to the nearest male relative.

Wow, that's rare to hear about SolidGoldBrass, someone who has managed to avoid the expected 'traditional' ways and is happy and wholly unconcerned by it.

Hats off to you.

I was watching that medieval programme with Simon scharmer (sp) last night and was open mouthed at how much the bloody church managed to turn relationships into 'must be married' and the whole male privilege point came through loud and clear too.

Shocking, really.

That's the way it's been, but anthropologically speaking, the childbearerer its mate needs someone to help feed it and their offspring.

Civilised society realised that women make great slaves - they give more than they get, they don't ask questions because they are uneducated - perfect.

And suddenly when men got bored with oppressing women and decided to take it out on jews and non-arians as well, they called on us all to rise and fight their pitiful wars. That was their biggest mistake, and we now have women that don't know their 'place' any more.

But I think it's patronising to assume that women can't make an informed choice about whether or not the deal they make with their mate is fair and just.

totally aye
lately a lot of conversations from married friends have included that their dh moans at them to shop at x supermarket because it's cheaper than y. I'm always like I can't imagine ever being in a relationship any more nor would I want to.
I can make what mess I like, do what I want when I want and have a much better relationship with dcs because my emotional resources are not being drained by a man.
plus I shop where I like and run my life as I see fit
also. I'm turning into a bit of a cantankerous old sod so no-one would have me anyway

I think cantankerousness is a healthy sign of maturity! Forget my last sentence please I was on the housework thread with that one. Not relevant here. I've been on too many threads for one night.

Solidgoldbrass I've made it to 46 without ever having been married and I last lived with someone in 1993.

I used to mind that I lived on my own but I never actually wanted any of my boyfriends to move in. I have gradually realised that it's nicer this way!

Your homework for this week tokamak, ask your male friends and their wives to describe what housework tasks they normally carry out (without nagging), compare the results and report back to us

Blimey, a big task for a week. I'l see what I can do, but it may take a bit longer than that ;-)

I agree with what solidgoldbrass has to say. I can only say, for myself, that I've never, ever had the expectation that I need to be looked after by a woman. I left home at 18 to go to university and learned to look after myself in everything - cooking, cleaning, washing, budget management, the lot. I would find it demeaning and unempowering (my goodness is that even a word?) to have a woman do everything for me.

My wife and I are a team, she's better at some things than I am and vice versa. The kitchen and bathroom are more my domain than hers, and I'm the one who gets up at night if our son wakes up (she's pretty much dead to the world once in bed and hates being woken up). I also put him to bed at least 80% of the time, not to mention getting up first and preparing his school stuff and her packed lunch for the office. She's brilliant at ironing and does that and keeps the living room and bedrooms tidy and hoovers. I wouldn't trust her to load the dishwasher or washing machine correctly, though ;-)

Not had time to read whole of the thread, but.......

I'm single and love it. More so now I've just read the 'Lapdance' thread and the 'Thailand' thread in AIBU. Soooo glad I don't have to deal with these situations.

the 'Lapdance' thread and the 'Thailand' thread in AIBU

Of course, loads of men don't have lapdances or go to Thailand for stag weekends while not bothering to spend time with their families. They don't get written about, though.

Actually if I read AIBU or Relationships too much, I start to despise men too. And I am one.

:) Tokamak

It's the engagement thread in this section making me go all frothy with atm.

The lengths some women are expected to go to to get the day and the piece of paper makes me want to kick something very hard.

And advice like 'why don't you organise everything and just tell him when to turn up and where'

Either there are two people both wanting marriage equally or what's the point?

A future filled with 'well, you were the one who wanted this' - makes me doubly glad to be footloose and fancy free.

I think a lot of people fantacise about being single when they are in a relationship. But when it gets to the stage when you are fantacising rather a lot then perhaps it's time to weigh up whether to stay or go. I decided to finish the relationship and have not really looked back. I'm even, despite myself, seeing someone else now. I realise that it's not being in a relationship or not that is the problem...but which relationship, who with and how they treat you. Lots of factors to consider but remember you do only get one shot at life and if you decide that you want to try something different and are willing to fend for yourself...do it. Good luck.

I think a lot of people fantacise about being single when they are in a relationship.

This, exactly.

I sometimes fantasise about what it would've been like if I'd not married back in 1996. In my head, I'm still in the flat I owned in West London (which I'd have huge equity on, having bought for £65,000 in the mid nineties and when I looked recently it was worth £250,000), living alone and happy without the stresses marriage/parenthood can bring. I don't NEED a woman to look after me as I've always cooked, cleaned and done the washing for myself since I left home. Still do, even though I'm married.

Sex? Well, there's all that fwb stuff one hears about these days, which apparently you can arrange on t'internet.

I've been single and living alone for many years, but sometimes it would be nice to have company doing chores,cooking Sunday lunch and the like etc, etc.

I no longer get invited to dinner parties which I found strange and asked friends who hosted one why I was left out. Much to my surprise I was told that they were all "couple events" and on reflection so they were!

However, all considered, I am happy with my lot and can't see me making any changes.

i guess a happy single person is a threat to couples..you might expose the 'lie' that coupledom is the best route to joy :o