HELP My husband has left i dont know what to do, long thread but please read

[loganberry12]

My husband & i have been married for 7 years we have a 16 year old son and a 2 year old daughter together. Our relationship has been up and down from the start really he had a cannabis problem but gave it up a year ago after i threw him out and gave him an ultimatum his family or the drugs. We had a normal sex life up until i fell pregnant unplanned with our little girl who is now 2yrs 7 months old. He did not want me to keep her at first and would not talk to me for the first 3 weeks after i found out i was pregnant. He loves her to pieces now and she is a daddies girl. We have only had sex twice since her birth the last time being 2 years ago. I feel unloved and ugly and have told him this we argue a lot over it and he thinks theres nothing wrong in not being itimate. I feel sad and lonely and yearn for the man i married who could not keep his hands off me. Well to cut a long story short he left the other night almost 2 weeks now after i said things needed to change and i wasnt happy. he has been home twice to see the children but wont dicuss our relationship just said he's sick of me moaning, i really dont know what to do. Everyone i speak to says my marriage is over and to move on im so confused i cant sleep he doesnt seem bothered. sorry for the long thread

he has another job lined up was suppose to be starting in the summer didnt know why he didnt start earlier as its a friend of his whos offered the job now i realize because he wanted to be around her

Logan - do you really want this tosser?!!

I'm worried about you honey - there's been a lot of turmoil & confrontation the last few days. Look after yourself & take a break from it all if you can.

thanks midwife your all so kind on here id have been totally lost without you all to talk to and get advice, everyone says move on he's not worth it but i love him still and want my kids to grow up with their dad. When i married him i took those vowels seriously and i dont want to give up if theres any hope left. Its defiantly taking its tole though ive lost 5lb since friday have diarrhea and today started a period although i have an implant, my headache is constant and feel very sick

it's up to you love, but if you stay with this pillock this is how your life will be

always wondering whether he's making a fool of himself (and you) by chasing the young skirt

Be strong Logan, you are worth SO MUCH MORE than he can offer you.

He left you, he's blaming you, he's treating you and your DCs appallingly, he's left you high and dry financially, and he's pathetically chasing after a young girl who (it seems) has no interest in him.

He hasn't even indicated that he wants to come back - he should be begging you my dear, not the other way around.

You'll get through this, it will get better. It just takes time I'm afraid. x

Sorry to be blunt OP But

If your DH comes back it is because this "OW" doesn't want him and he has no other option.
Can you settle for being second choice/ second best? I couldn't!!!

im awake feeling sad always this time of morning i wake up and want to speak to him? He said he would txt last night he didnt so left hanging again, this is torcher and i know im doing to myself but cant help hoping he'd feel some guilt and last least talk to me about all this and give me some honest answers

Hi loganberry.

Sorry you are awake again so early.

I think he has given you answers. You said to him something along the lines of... If you have any feelings for me and want to make this work you need to come home and talk.

He didn't come. He answered you. He was a coward because he didn't say it, but his actions gave you all the information you need.

And again he was supposed to text you last night and he didnt. Again there is your answer.

I really admire people who take their vows seriously. Better and worse, sickness and health and when trouble comes that is what they do. And they survive because both of them stick by each other no matter what.

You H has not done that. He does not hold those vows sacred. If he had he would have distanced himself from the OW the moment he realised he was in too deep and come to you to sort it out.

I am sorry I really am but you have your answer

Yes Logan please gather some strength & dignity & stop chasing this horrible man. You seem obsessed with getting "answers". He is showing you the truth. He left & has not come back. He has treated you with cruelty & selfishness. He has not supported you & DCs financially. Please see the obvious.

You have your answer, love

he cares for himself far more than he cares for you. So sorry x

I think it sounds like he wants to be 21 again - hankering after this bit of skirt, not paying for his kids and running away from his vows. She (OW) obviously doesn't want him because she is 21 and has a fine life and her own family and relationships to think about - tho she is a bit disingenuous if she thinks she can spend all breaks/lunch with him and not have everyone thinking she is having an affair!

now im at a lose what to do or think not only has he made himself look like a fool he's made me look a fool to at work where i know a lot of people . - No logan, sorry but he didn't make you go down to his work, where you know people, and where you have now spoken to your old boss and to this girl (and presumably lots of other people there) - you did that. Now for goodness sake, stop crawling about on your knees after him. He doesn't want the marriage to continue, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that, OW or not.

Sorry but you need to grow a pair. for you, i know it hurts but as soon as you start living your own life, the sooner the hurt will fade.

some harsh words today for me maybe thats what i need!!

We don't want to hurt you honey. We just want to help you not to get hurt even more.

Sorry Logan - dont' want to hurt you, but you are hurting yourself if you don't let go of him. You are stabbing yourself everytime you believe you can save your marriage and get him to love you again.

Oh Logan, I know exactly how you feel. I am a month in now and have lost a stone and a half! (not complaining about that bit)

I want to ring him all the time, I want to text him, I want to check his Facebook every ten bloody seconds. I can barely resist it. But what good is it doing me? Nothing. You can't make him come back. He has run away, you have to let him go.

I promise you, however hard it is, if you cut as much contact with him as possible, it will make this easier for you. Dn't worry about what he is thinking. Every time I look at his Facebook page, I feel sick and start shaking. Why would I do that to myself? I've stopped but it's so so hard. The drama will make you ill, you need to take yourself right out of it.

The thing is, if you were meant to be together, if he loved you, he would come back, whether you chase after him or not. You didn't force him to marry you, but you can't force him to stay.

I know it's hard to hear. Just think about today, not about your past, not about the future. Just today. xxxxxx

he is still in Germany till tonight so theres no chance of him coming to talk till tomorrow any way its hard getting through the day doing normal things my mind is constantly on him, i brought some st jonhs wort so hopefully that will help xx

tried to keep busy today managing to get on with normal things like cooking the dinner and shopping etc , feel a little sad this evening but i always do this time of night my mind starts thinking all sorts, really need to get some sleep got to be up early to take my little girl to nursery, wondering if he'll contact me tomorrow as he's back in the uk

Have a read of this thread

Different circumstances to yours but certain elements are the same ie idiot man, strong woman who gets through it and realises she is better off without him.

Focus on your DD, get through each day, things will get better x

Night Logan - hope you feel better tomorrow.

awake again for te third time since i went to bed at 12.30 too muchgoing on in my head im so tired, tired of thnking, tired of hurting

Logan I'm awake too. Work issues whizzing round in my head.
Sorry to be blunt but why do you give a flying fuck if he contacts you or not? He's making an idiot of himself and you are using that as an excuse to behave like an idiot yourself and this is going to leave you nowhere but depressed.
Tell him to fuck off and leave you alone until he is ready to have an adult conversation about your marriage. Until then he's not welcome in your life because he is not worthy of you.

I found it very hard to detach, accept it was over and let go. I spent 5 months hoping he'd come to his senses, all the while he was still lying. Like you I took my vows seriously and wanted to do everything I could to save my marriage. I couldn't bare the thought of my kids growing up b

In a broken home. But I realised in the end that I was flogging a dead horse. It really hurts. Everyone gets to the point where they know it's over at a different stage. I wish I could have reached that point sooner. Mumsnet was a huge support to me at the time. It doesn't help when they keep feeding us a pack of lies, as we grab onto any hope we can see

He is not the man you married anymore. Hard though it is to accept. He's not