Please help me-I dont know what to do..

[FrightenedToDeath]

V long back story. I am a regular to posts from tine to time,Ive changed my name to cover my tracks.

Been with H for nearly twenty years, two kids from previous marriage and three together. Our marriage has been rocky for the last 8 years and Ive questioned whether Im an EA victim. H liked to withhold money, love and affection. Never cared if I was ill. When we first got together he saw to it that I fell out with friends and would refuse to go to social occasions, putting me in an awkward situation.
Wjilst pregnant with my two year old, he started an affair, which continued until I found out (by reading his texts) since then he continues to work with OW, but claims affair is over, treats me like something he picked off his shoe and has re written history to blame me for everything thats gone wrong over the years.
It culminated in him dragging my by my hair down the hall a few weeks ago, saying he did it to stop me hurting myself which was rubbish, I was just sat in the hall crying.
Finally the other day, he threw me against the door frame and when I told him I would call the police, he let go, then followed me, taunting me saying "who do you think you f in well are" at this point I realised I needed to go

I told him I was leaving last night and he seemed quite calm, and said it was for the best. This morning he changed saying he was taking the kids and that I could rot in hell if I thought I was taking the kids. He has my grown up son who lives at home on side as he treats me no better having learnt it from his father. Terrified I agreed to stay, the thought of losing my children kills me, but I have looked on his phone and he has texted both my grown up children saying Im a nutter and unhinged and that he is going to come clean about how Ive treated HIM over the years!! He says in a text to my son that he is going to take the kids from me and now Im terrified as Im going to a refuge tomorrow and Im scared Im going to lose everything. Ive no support from my mum, no one to support me, I feel so scared and frightened and have no idea what to expect at the refuge

Anyone you can leave her with at a pinch - even if you have to fib? Emergency dentist appt or something.

No one at all am praying she is better tomorrow

Is dd any better today?

huge relief, she is better today. I have been warned by my contact at WA that the homeless options lady is known for being un kind to victims of DA, so she has asked me to report back to me if thats the case. Unfortunately they dont offer an outreach service as they dont have the funding so cannot attend my appt with me

Homeless Options woman being unkind! what a bitch. Glad your dd is feeling better. Lots and lots of luck, stay strong, believe in yourself and look forward and don't let the mardy cow at homeless options get you down.

Just read your thread. What a brave lady you are. Hope all goes well this afternoon. Please let us know how you get on. Sending you hugs (( ))

Glad dd is better - big relief! Make notes with the housing lady, thank her for her expertise, be business-like and use a level gaze.

Good luck for today OP ! Hope your appointment goes well .

Good luck FTD, remember to show no fear, don't confront, don't react to his provocation. Be strong for your little girl.

I must say the term 'Homeless Options' makes me smile. Not much of an option really is it.

Thinking of you lovely.

Thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. You are having a horribly stressful time. Hope we can all help you stay strong.

Well I was fortunate enough to see a lovely lady who has been a victim of DA herself. She was kind and sympathetic. I took all my income evidence along and ID and she said I qualify for the bond scheme and gave me a list of EA who take DSS or HB . They got back in touch and advised of two properties up for rent that were advertised directly with them. I went to see one, it was a four bed victorian ex HMO. LL happily informed me that she no longer wanted to let it as an HMO as she was fed up of getting druggies in there, the house was grim, un touched , and nothing had been done since it was an HMO, I could hear loud thumping dance music coming through from next door and the racket from the building site directly next to the house where they are building some flats. There was no outside space at all except for a six foot square yard which was overshadowed by the 40 foot high scaffolding from the bulders site, I had visions of things dropping on my DC's in the back yard so discounted it on the grounds of safety

Oh dear - what's the next step? Do you have to look around other accommodation?

Don't lose heart, you will find something. keep going.

It won't be a building site forever! And you can ask fir the music to be turned down.

I do get to look around..but dont want to, for too long..the building site was dangerous Olympia, I wouldnt have been able to let my two year old out into the "back yard"..also the house is situated on a main road in the town,there is no outside space for DC's to play and no where for me to park my car, I was told I would have to leave my car in a supermarket car park 10 mins away

Well the bond scheme have been to see the house next to the building site and have refused the bond on it, she said its not suitable for children and she was really concerned about the fact that the scaffolding for the building site is actually attached to the house! I have another viewing elsewhere today and Im going to have to cancel as DD is off school with tonsilitis and I cant take her with me as she tell H

Oh no Tonsilitis, poor love.Hang in there, she'll get well and you can carry on looking, stay strong. Thinking of you.

Op , don't give up ...one bad house doesn't mean there isnt one out there for you and Dc .

When I left ex-h , it was the second house we took ...first one was next door to a known heroin user .

thank you,I phonedmy HO case worker and had a wobble but she eassured me saying we are only one day in looking, and I know shes right, I guess Im just panicking because I feel like everything is against me, I know my DD cant help being ill but I really NEEDED to view that house today

How are things at home currently with him?

sugarice-I cant stand being near him, he is following me round the house, keeps "accidentally" walking in on me getting dressed, but being super nice with spells of, you had better not leave..today he texted to say he is getting legal advice re the kids, I feel alone as I have not been able to get hold of the WA contact I have, I can see me ending in a refuge

Read this OP and be assured that a Refuge would be your saviour

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant?msgid=29709542]]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant?msgid=29709542

Listen to the language he uses. 'Better not leave', it should be 'please don't leave'.

If you are afraid you should be in a shelter. You can take dcs with you. The police will help you get there and protect you on the way out. Call the council, they might refer you.