Please help me-I dont know what to do..

[FrightenedToDeath]

V long back story. I am a regular to posts from tine to time,Ive changed my name to cover my tracks.

Been with H for nearly twenty years, two kids from previous marriage and three together. Our marriage has been rocky for the last 8 years and Ive questioned whether Im an EA victim. H liked to withhold money, love and affection. Never cared if I was ill. When we first got together he saw to it that I fell out with friends and would refuse to go to social occasions, putting me in an awkward situation.
Wjilst pregnant with my two year old, he started an affair, which continued until I found out (by reading his texts) since then he continues to work with OW, but claims affair is over, treats me like something he picked off his shoe and has re written history to blame me for everything thats gone wrong over the years.
It culminated in him dragging my by my hair down the hall a few weeks ago, saying he did it to stop me hurting myself which was rubbish, I was just sat in the hall crying.
Finally the other day, he threw me against the door frame and when I told him I would call the police, he let go, then followed me, taunting me saying "who do you think you f in well are" at this point I realised I needed to go

I told him I was leaving last night and he seemed quite calm, and said it was for the best. This morning he changed saying he was taking the kids and that I could rot in hell if I thought I was taking the kids. He has my grown up son who lives at home on side as he treats me no better having learnt it from his father. Terrified I agreed to stay, the thought of losing my children kills me, but I have looked on his phone and he has texted both my grown up children saying Im a nutter and unhinged and that he is going to come clean about how Ive treated HIM over the years!! He says in a text to my son that he is going to take the kids from me and now Im terrified as Im going to a refuge tomorrow and Im scared Im going to lose everything. Ive no support from my mum, no one to support me, I feel so scared and frightened and have no idea what to expect at the refuge

I live near Chester Horsetowater

Well today I have gone..I have no cooker, no appliances,no furniture and no beds as I had no one to help me move..but I feel utterly relieved

for you, and well done for staying so strong.

Do you have 2 or 3 dcs with you?

Are you waiting for all that stuff to be 'removed' to you, or do you have to start from scratch?

Perhaps more local folk can help - there's a charity near us that provides all that sort of thing for people in need, but we're in north-east Scotland

I have three dcs with me and they have reacted far better than I could have hoped, DS said he is happier that we have gone..WA are donating me some vouchers to buy a microwave and are also donating a bed for DD, ..Im just about starting from scratch apart from our personal effects

Thanks IvanaNap,Its appliances I need more than anything but WA have offered to look into funding/crisis loans etc..I love the house, I feel happy for the first time in ages

Thank you! its funny Ive got nothing..yet I feel so good! Furniture Finders dont cover my area unfortunately but thanks for the link. There is a second hand furniture shop near me so going to pop in there

Hi, how did things go when you told him you were off?. I'm so pleased for you and your dc's that you're in your own place.Good luck.

he has been on the phone crying, apologies for short replies typing on my phone is not easy, no internet till next Friday

Do you really want to be taking his calls, Frightened?

nope, not really but he was crafty and rang from someone elses mobile.
Today it hit me when I had a visit from Positive outlook and also the warden to put alarms on my windows. My support worker from PO rang later on and I just bawled down the phone..

The frank buttle trust are good for essential items- a professional from WA could apply on your behalf, they make a decision very quickly.

www.buttleuk.org/

Sneaky Fecker, calling from another phone. Tell him he'll be fine and hang up. He will be fine. Can you get an exclusion order on him to not contact you?

Have you been to the police yet? I think it is absolutely essential that you do. Try to log everything. I know iit's yet another thing on your list among sorting furniture, appliances etc, but if you can get police at the top of it I think it will make a massive difference in the longer term.

It's a really busy time for you and you have tons to do. Good luck, and well done.

FTD I've just been reading through your story and cheering you on from behind my laptop. Don't know if this is any help but just found this not-for-profit scheme which deals in donated furniture and household goods which, if I've read previous posts correctly, looks like it might be based somewhere near you? They're very reasonably priced and can deliver.

www.new2youwrexham.btck.co.uk/

Good luck for the future x

Hmmm try again www.new2youwrexham.btck.co.uk/

Hi,

I've been reading your thread and I'm relieved you are out, you are one brave lady and an inspiration.
I wish you all the best.
Have you tried freegle for furniture?

Thanks everyone

Ficklefinger..I found somewhere a little closer today and have picked up a small fridge for £40. They have cheap furniture too but Im out of money now so will wait until my tax credits claim is sorted.

I feel really ill..everything has hit me at once, I wish I could just crawl into a hole at the moment. DD2 was crying for Daddy today, I feel so alone
There is a marker on my property and the wardens came and target harderned the house. There are movement sensor alarms on the window and I have a personal alarm. They also gave me a lipbalm which has their phone number on it.it all seems very surreal

So glad you're safe, with your 3.

It's a slog at the moment, but the hardest part is over now, and it's all uphill from now.

Find a solicitor. Go to CAB. Contact CSA.

I still think you should go to the police too.

Have been lurking and willing you on FTD

FWIW I left ExH with nothing but clothes me & DS1 were wearing. We got by and never looked back. Just takes time.

Good luck to you and yrs, you will get through it.

Have been following your thread and am so glad you are finally out!

There are food and furniture banks being set up in lots of towns because of the current economic difficulties. In my town the churches have been involved in collecting items which then go to a central distribution centre. I wonder whether you could contact a pastor at a local church and find out if there is a similar scheme which might benefit you?

I left my OH many years ago, with my daughter, and at that time the local council helped out with cash for essentials like beds, wardrobes, curtains, and so on, but I don't think this is being done these days.

Stay strong. You are one brave lady. (And please please please take the advice about going to the police). x

FTD, are you OK?