Please help me-I dont know what to do..

[FrightenedToDeath]

V long back story. I am a regular to posts from tine to time,Ive changed my name to cover my tracks.

Been with H for nearly twenty years, two kids from previous marriage and three together. Our marriage has been rocky for the last 8 years and Ive questioned whether Im an EA victim. H liked to withhold money, love and affection. Never cared if I was ill. When we first got together he saw to it that I fell out with friends and would refuse to go to social occasions, putting me in an awkward situation.
Wjilst pregnant with my two year old, he started an affair, which continued until I found out (by reading his texts) since then he continues to work with OW, but claims affair is over, treats me like something he picked off his shoe and has re written history to blame me for everything thats gone wrong over the years.
It culminated in him dragging my by my hair down the hall a few weeks ago, saying he did it to stop me hurting myself which was rubbish, I was just sat in the hall crying.
Finally the other day, he threw me against the door frame and when I told him I would call the police, he let go, then followed me, taunting me saying "who do you think you f in well are" at this point I realised I needed to go

I told him I was leaving last night and he seemed quite calm, and said it was for the best. This morning he changed saying he was taking the kids and that I could rot in hell if I thought I was taking the kids. He has my grown up son who lives at home on side as he treats me no better having learnt it from his father. Terrified I agreed to stay, the thought of losing my children kills me, but I have looked on his phone and he has texted both my grown up children saying Im a nutter and unhinged and that he is going to come clean about how Ive treated HIM over the years!! He says in a text to my son that he is going to take the kids from me and now Im terrified as Im going to a refuge tomorrow and Im scared Im going to lose everything. Ive no support from my mum, no one to support me, I feel so scared and frightened and have no idea what to expect at the refuge

Well done you, FTD.

Have you a plan yet?

Oh sorry, May 11th, stupid of me.

Keep strong.

You must be feeling so much better to have taken control back.

Glad to read that you sound positive and determined for your future .

Brilliant!

I am going to see a solicitor tomorrow to get a residency order in place-I dont doubt for one min that he wouldnt turn up to the arrivals lounge TBH that is a real fear, my friend is a police officer and is going to the police station with me, she said I can get a marker placed on this address whilst Im still here. Im on tenterhooks now waiting for the house moving date. LL said I can move in the day after existing tenant moves out

You are amazing! Stay strong and keep moving forward, you will soon be in your own place

BTW IvanaNap-Do I know you in RL? Im hoping once I have made the move I will be able to use my usual user name on here but for now, Id rather not as I simply dont know who knows H on here.

Really pleased for you that you're making positive plans. I have no experience of what you've been through but please be careful with regard to your H and how he might react.

yes I am really worried about his reaction

I'm sure someone here will be able to offer good advice on how to deal with him. .At least you can see light at the end of the tunnel. You're fab, just keep believing in yourself.

Good luck.

I really agree with Ivanta here. OP, if you haven't, really consider going to the police station with your friend and getting his attacks on record. It it likely to make thigns MUCH easier long-term, in terms of custody etc. If he is likely to prove awkward or aggressive, get the big guns on side now. Remember bullies are cowards at heart. You say you're afraid of his reaction, so USE the authorities to start setting up protection for yourself from him now.

I am going to try and get down to the police station at some point in the next week. The DC's left to go to America today and I have just have youngest DC and tomorrow me and her are going away for the weekend

Hi FTD, how's it going?

hello, sorry I didnt update the thread, Ive been frantically searching for another house because the one I found fell through as the current tenant couldnt move out.

so I found two houses and am torn between both.

One is in the village the children go to school, where all their friends are. LL is a pro LL who has a portfolio of properties and seems to things by the book. House is old (1960 ish) and still has original windows, front and back door but she is refurbing the inside and replaced boiler, putting brand new kitchen in/bathroom etc, its small though and third bedroom is so small I think Ill only just get a bed in there.
I liked the house so put a £100 holding deposit down, however after doing so I learnt that the house hadnt been re wired since it was built and still had the original old fuse box (with fuse wire) and meter. That left me a little wobbly so I rang her up and politely asked what was happening re the new electrics being wired in (new shower,smoke alarms,cooker etc) and she said quite abrubtly that she didnt appreciated being told what to do and said that if I didnt stop this, I was going to drive her mad!! I was really taken aback and shocked tbh.
She said she couldnt second guess her electrician and it would all be safe.
Now this house will be ready to move straight into..but..downside is, the rent is £100 more a month than I will get in Housing Benefit (its capped here) and so the bond scheme wont pay the deposit either..so I have deposit to find and an extra £100 a month

Other house is 1 mile up the road, detached on nice estate and available through the bond scheme which means that rent will be covered by HB and deposit paid by bond scheme.
Downside, LL although nice has obviously no idea about renting, it used to be his house but he now lives somewhere else.
He never visited his property because he didnt want to bother existing tenant, so she trashed his house. Houseis filthy, lots of damage, but with cleaning and decorating will be a palace, rooms big and big garden.
LL has agreed to forgo the first months rent in advance so that I can pay for carpets, decorating etc. Based on the finances, I chose this house and am really hoping I made the right choice as Ive agreed to take tenancy on as of Monday but house is no way going to be ready, he hasnt had gas safety check done yet etc. I agreed to sign Tenancy agreement in advance dated 28th May because LL said he wouldnt have any remedial work done until tenancy was signed.
Also the wooden front window has been crowbarred apart by someone, so LL has screwed it shut until he replaces the window. He seems nice enough but I feel like IM caught between a rock and a hard place, someone tell me I made the right decision..

The 2nd house sounds promising, FtD. Fingers crossed for you! And the landlord sounds much better than the first lady.

The house sounds fine. Make a list of things u think ll should do and take some pictures. Agree on a plan of action. Ensure LL understands that you are making a new start, sounds good. Are you ok with minor DIY?

thanks all, I chose the house that needed lots of work because it can be turned into a lovely home..Theres a lot of stuff to do but I dont mind doing a bit of DIY and I have a male friend who has offered to sort any jobs that are beyond me..the end is in sight

That's great news. If you need any kit, let me know, we are trying to clear stuff out. Heaps of pink plastic stuff needing a home, a coffee table, toy unit, books. :)

Thanks HorsetoWater..I will greatfully accept any donations as I cant get everything out of the house. Feel nervous but excited now, I move in on Monday!

Which area are you in FTD?