The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Back on day one today... Feeling rough. I will not drink today...!!!

isindie I was just thinking that that poem would work equallly well if applied to one other person e.g:
"I do not stand alone
But with [name] (OR my partner) to support me, I will stand my ground.
I do not see the way
But with [name] (OR my partner) to walk it with me, I can make a path.
I do not possess the truth
But with [name] (OR my partner) to witness to what they know, I will be able to discern what is right...... etc
And it could make a lovely piece to be read at a wedding

mia well that's been an interesting experiment over the weekend - if you had plotted a graph at the start of the weekend with your planned drinking units, and then filled it in over the days with you actual drinking units, would they have matched? Or would there have been an ever-widening gap? I know what would have happened on a similar graph in my life. Again, I emphasise that I am not you, and my drinking problem was different to yours, but intersting all the same. So now what do you do with the results of that experiment? Repeat it to see whether it really does happen like that, or learn from it, and try a slightly different experiment next weekend?

Ginger when I stopped drinking my body felt exhausted and heavy for more than a week. Even now, sometimes I wake up after a big night of heavy dreams with a headache and feeling flattened. But that would be a silly reason for me to start drinking again wouldn't it? Please keep going, I'm sure you will feel better soon.

Thanks venus. It's lack of sleep that is doing me in. I like my sleep and always have, I struggle to function on less than 8 hours a night and I have had 0 hours in the last 2!

I will keep on though.

Thanks proud I feel good now that I've woken up properly and had tea and muffin. I'm not hungover, which is an unusual feeling for me on a Monday morning.

venus weeeeell... Actually my graph would have been a bit skewed because my plan was a glass of white then one or two glasses of red on Friday, then a glass of white and share a bottle of red on Saturday, then no drinking Sunday (though by yesterday morning I'd decided that one glass of red with the slow cooked squid couldn't hurt.

In fact though, I didn't have the glass of white on Friday, and tipped half of my second glass of red into DP's glass. On Saturday I had a glass of white whilst DP was cooking the roast, and then only drank a glass and a half of red again, tipping the rest into DP's glass. much to his delight So I actually drunk less than I'd 'allowed' myself, and had a really nice evening both nights. So I could argue that I was using up the rest of my weekend allowance last night, but I won't, because I know that would be making up excuses and avoiding the fact that I used the wine to pep me up and give me a boost of energy because I was knackered and sore and grumpy. Two glasses before eating (though I had my usual big snack) and I really fancied a third. I stopped though, and didn't have any red with the meal either, so that's something.

I love the verse you posted, by the way - really beautiful.

mouse I hope you're feeling better and that you kick some builder arse today.

Mouse (((( )))) Please be kind to yourself, you have so much on. At times like this I think its just about putting one foot in front of the other, keeping going and having some faith that brighter days are ahead. Nemo sounds like he is doing brilliantly. I wish DD ate that well (current diet = pasta with no sauce and meat). I don't have much of a boing but I am sending you what I have

Mia focus on the positive and what you have acheived - no point in beating yourself up.

Sorry to not have read all the posts, am really struggling time and energy wise today. I have been utterly exhausted all weekend and cannot work out why. Then I woke up today feeling ill. I have decided that I have so much work on that I cannot possibly be ill, so I am going to ignore it. I suspect that this is a foolproof appraoch and lemsip will soon be out of business

Strength and love to y'all xxx

Mouse hope all goes well re. the builder.

Today I will not drink.

Drank a lot last night - a bottle and a bit :( Slept badly as a result but feel okay today.

Sorry, that was all really negative, the plus sides are:

I have saved roughly £12.50 since Friday night,

DH and I got an important letter written last night after DD went to bed as I wasn't too pie eyed to do it.

I didn't need to keep my head down and worry about how I smelled on the school run this morning.

My eyes aren't blood shot.

So far is it worth it? YES!

MsGee- look after yourself- there are lots of bugs around at the moment, DH and DD1 have had hooping cough, it lasts for ever and has left them both wiped out.
mouse Grrr at your builder, good luck with that and keep posting.

Wishing all the BBs as much boing as you need. I'm off with DD1 for a day out.

xposted hugs to grey and ginger

msgee - ds will eat pasta and vegetables - so between them they're getting a balanced diet hope you're ok - sending some boing your way.

ginger - good for you, i haven't saved a penny, i think i'm spending more on icecream and chocolate than i did on alcohol!

boy is at school, fields have been walked and i've put out feelers for babysitters. now hitting the sofa for 3/4 of an hour to drink coffee and chill. that gives me till 10.30 then i'm going to get on. either off to tescos to shop or doing an attack on the laundry piles that are taking over the house. now if i could find a babysitter who would also iron whilst they were here that would be a dream!

mouse - good luck with the builder and the offer to get away is genuine - any time lovely.

jwn - how's that tooth?

venus - you are a wise and lovely babe - thanks for always being so patient and kind.

Mouse can only echo Venus's beautiful words, the babes here are of the greatest support in all things. And whilst you are caring and loving everyone else Mouse, save some love for yourself if anyone deserves it you do. I wish I could replace the builder instantly, but I can't so wishing for the best of outcomes for you. It's St Georges day, so armour on.

All babes who are poorly hope you get better soon, the boing group, fantastic, Blanket hope the marathon man ran well, and I also hope he thinks about his place in your mission. To attempt sobriety for however long without rl rehab, support etc is tough, concessions should be made imo by nearest and dearest.

Have a good week everyone, and stay safe. xx

Thanks MsGee. Hope you feel better.

Well long walk with the dog in the cold and rain blew away the cobwebs. Hot buttery toast and a hot chocolate with marshmallows.

Onwards and upwards!

isindie another of my favourites - the wonderful words of Robert Fulghum in ?Union?:

"You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of 'yes' to this moment of 'yes', indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way.
All those conversations that were held driving in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks - all those sentences that began with ?When we?re married....? and continued with ?...I will? and ?...you will? and ?...we will? - those late night talks that included ?someday? and ?somehow? and ?maybe? - and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.
The symbolic vows that you make on your wedding day are a way of saying to one another, ?You know all those things we?ve promised and hoped and dreamed - well, I meant it all, every word.?
Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another - acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and teacher; you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife, this is my partner."

oops, clearly I have frightened everyone away - honestly this is the brave babes thread, and not the wedding topic

ginger I meant to posy yesterday that I loved your song. I thought these lines were particularly apt:

"the hand I held just held me down" and

"I trusted you and there was no-one else,
All you did was make me doubt myself."

These were exactly what alcohol did to me.

Have a good day babes, I'm off to do some work. See you later.

post not 'posy'

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Did you all see that? That was a .

I spent most of last night shitting myself over the builder (I hate confrontation) and what I was going to say.

As I type, he is replacing all of the damaged doors, worktops and hinges. No argument, no bull, no excuses.......

DH started to shout at him so I told him to go and leave it to me. I'm hoping that when I next go in, I'll be smiling for all of the right reasons.

I contacted the supplier first thing and explained what had happened so that they knew the score if he tried to pull the wool over our or there eyes.

Nemo's Portage Worker is here at 12.30 and then we have respite again on Tues/Thurs. Preschool and Stay&Play too, and swimming at some point so a nice busy week for us here.

I'm going to try and keep up with the thread but please excuse the absence of personal messages, I don't mean to miss anyone out.

IsinDe, venus and others, thank you so much for your kind words, they really do make a huge difference knowing that someone is out there, holding your hand, even just virtually. xx

Thank Saf - I'll keep that in mind. Will try to call you later, are you at AA later? xx

Lots of love to you all, thanks so much for caring xxxx

venus - that nearly made me cry! ahhhh! lovely.

no, no aa today mouse. i'll try and remember to have my phone nearby > glad the builder seems to be taking responsibility for his cock up.

i am living in a world of pain! had tooth out, got big hole and a very bruised jaw, anti bs the size of dinosaur pills
dont mind me! i think you all know me well enough now to know i just dont do 'brave or stoic'! tell you what though, and this just shows some fucked up thinking, one of the anti b boxes says on it 'NO ALCOHOL' in big letters, my first thought? 'HA, dont tell me what to do, i will if i want' how bloody wierd is that? after all this time i STILL have alike thinking!

anyways, i have taken the decision that i am at home all week having a rest! i have felt bloody awful the last few weeks and i need to get on top of it - how can i be menopausal and still have wisdom teeth?, i feel like a bloody teenager on the one hand and an ancient old bag on the other - need to find some balance in my health i think!

mouse - knew you would do it!!

venus those lines resonated with me too.

I think the lyrics were written with Slash's own addictions (which he has beaten), in mind.

It's almost a big 'fuck you!' to the alcohol and if I am ever struggling I will listen to it LOUD (sorry neighbours!)

Jesus blimey, that sounds horrid. I hope you feel better soon. Reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth out - really painful for a few days and I couldn't open my jaw properly.

venus - I have just re-read your posts to me. I'm sat here with tears rolling down my face and a confused Nemo asking 'mamma bear sad'?

You are the reason that I came here, and every single one of The Babes is the reason that I stay.

I'm on the back seat for now, next to the fire exit just in case I need to hop into the side-car for a night or two.

JWN - I had my wisdom tooth out and fuck did my face hurt after. I was given metronidasol (SP?) and drank on them. What a Muppet! I have NEVER been so sick from a drink in all of my life. I heaved for hours. One glass of wine, that's all. Horrid things they are, but the do the job.

If your face is sore later on, try a warm compress and some paracetamol will help, I gargled with soluble paracetamol which got right to the site of the pain.

Massive Mouse hugs from me, try and keep it clean using salt water rinses too.

Saf - okay, I will try later, no worries if I don't get through, I'll leve a message.

The other thing today is, it's the first day of me doing the Atkins diet.

I did it 6 years ago after losing the boys and managed to shift over 3 stone in 6 months.

My meds (med review tonight, thank Jeff!) have added a lot of poundage to this little Mouse and I need something a bit more drastic like a massive drop in carbs to kick start me off again.

My weight also increases my pain as it's my back that's the problem. Plus the heavier little Nemo is, the worse my pain so encouraging him to walk can be a challenge some days.

I had a half arsed go at it 3 weeks ago but the lack of kitchen has been 'interesting' shall we say when coming to decide what to eat/cook etc.

So, today is day 1 of the strict Atkins diet.

And it's the first day that my kitchen will be ready. 3.5 years of living in a rubble pit, with half a ceiling, mis-matched windows, holes on every wall........ it will finally be ready.

I have also reduced the amount of Aspartame in my foods, it is EVERYWHERE isn't it?

Most diet drinks has it in, every no sugar/low sugar food has it in. Tomato sauce has it in! I'm ed at just how much it's used.

Caffeine is bad for the Induction phase too so I may nod off occasionally.

I promise I'll make sure I eat properly, most of the 20g carb allowance per day will come from grilled/roasted skinless chicken breasts, lean pork and fish.

Then salads to go with or veggies from the list allowed in the Induction.

I'm sorry for waffling on about this diet lark but to me, it's really important that I ge it all down here, the no drinking is key to kicking the carbs into touch and THAT is what puts the weight on me.

Carbs not calories. So a controlled amount of both is only a good thing.

< crunches on celery stick whilst logging foods eaten so far>