The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Alias. In good conscious I have never done anything wrong. I have gone above and beyond for years and years. My MIL is severely damaged and hubs family are entirely bound by her needs and wants. She is powerful and aggressive, destrustive and manipulative. She is terrifying. I wronged her when I gave birth and needed some privacy. She has never forgiven me and made it her mission to pull hub and I apart.

Its been hell.

I wont bore you all. But my conscience is clear. Ive been in therapy about it for years and I know Im good.

Its just hard to live the with consequences. You dont get to watch your husband cut off his family and skip through life. I will have to deal with this forever. But thats what my therapist is for.

Thanks for listening honey.

Venus - I think the old friends and old habits and old scenarios are sometimes the biggest trigger for me anyway. Kind of unhealthy peer pressure (at our age??!!)!!! You eating your crisps and drinking tea is resetting/affirming your memory bank and I think your amazing.

I really do think your amazing. You did brilliant.

x

Joey a boing is a bounce of happiness (that's what I take it as anyway)

Ahhh, I had a lovely, comfy sleep in the big bed - hope I didn't keep you babes awake with snoring?

Blanket what an awful, evil woman your MIL sounds. It sounds like a great idea to cut off all contact.

blanket you sound great! really. sorry for the shiteness of it all but it is from outside of your control, it's her stuff, not yours and you are taking the action that needs to be taken.

venus - horrible isn't it? amazing how quickly one is ready to lie to their loved ones and act like a little sneak just to get enough booze. thank everything that you don't have to live like that anymore! imagine the loneliness and isolation of it, of having to lie and sneak around and shut yourself off in another room just to get another bottle of wine in. you are free of that - sorry your mind had a revisit to it but well done for standing up to it and not going with the madness.

i've been to bloody zumba. didn't want to go but agreed with a friend i would yesterday and didn't want to let her down. i'm so glad i did as she totally broke down in the car as soon as i got in and was in such a state bless her. she really seems depressed to the point of can't see anything clearly and every little thing is evidence of how awful she/life/the universe is. i hope my friendship helped a bit and she is going to call the doctor and i've said i'll go with her - english is not her first language and she's from a very different culture so i think a bit of hand holding will help. so we had a big meltdown in the car and talk then jumped around shimmying and sweating life.is.strange.

so weird to so totally recognise the state someone is in and know what they are feeling and hear and see the patterns in their thought and know them inside out. depression is a nasty fucker - excuse my language! and i do sincerely believe that alcohol feeds it beautifully - you know? i'm glad i don't drink.

right waffling on too long again.

well done everyone and stick at it - it really is worth it. i don't know about anyone else but i am thinking and feeling so much more clearly and i don't want to lose that.

Hi Mia, thanks for asking - it's strange, you miss a day on here and so much happens! I'm OK, didn't drink last night so woke up today feeling good. I'm going to try and get through the weekend without any alcohol - am driving both days so I really musn't drink. I've been thinking a lot about how I drink and ultimately how lonely it makes me feel. The aftermath seems to be getting much much worse these days (although my intake has gone down) so the rewards of not drinking are huge.

Glad you're feeling calmer about things with DP, hope you can find a way forward. I'm one of those who's hoping I can drink "normally" but like you, the longer this goes on, the less likely it seems to be a viable proposition. You want to "not be thinking about wine every day from around 3pm onwards, and standing salivating by the fridge with a glass in hand on the dot of 5pm every night, and have put away three quarters of a bottle on an empty stomach before dinner". Me too, but normal drinkers don't behave like that and they never will have done in their entire drinking careers. We'll see....

Thanks for sharing your moment of madness Venus - it's a reminder to us all that complacency has no place in the life of any babe who has problems with booze.

Just checking in, day frickin' 3, big day 4 tomorrow ( which I never get past) and scary night out looming. Keep telling myself to drive everyone (save money, won't drink and might remember the food/conversation) but I keep wilting at the thought,mi know it will be a more fun evening if I drink

My DH and I are going for a meal with our best friends ( another couple) and we always get pissed and laugh until the small hours. I haven't even told them I am driving yet as they will be gutted. Silly but I an feel myself wavering......

Btw welcome to all new babes xx

venus wow, it's a sobering thought (see what I did there? ) that someone as sorted and long-abstinent as you can still have a wobble like that. It shows how strong a grip it can have, doesn't it. Well done for catching yourself in the act of slippage, so to speak, and managing to check the impulses.

casa that sounds like a step in the right direction!

blanket what a sad and silly woman your MIL sounds. Her selfish and stupid behaviour has cost her a relationship with her son.

This forum ROCKS. JWN I hope you feel bloody fanfuckingtastic. You startd this with your honesty and you have helped God Only knows how many people. And I am one of them.

I second this completely! I couldn't have done 10 days without the support of you all, and I've had some big realisations during that time too. Thank you JWN for creating such an amazing (cyber) space, and I hope you're fully recovered.

I think I'm going to have a drink tonight and tomorrow night. Moderately though, and because I want to have a couple of glasses with DP and enhance a nice meal, not because I'm trying to blot things out or sabotage myself. I don't know whether it's too soon to try the moderate drinking thing I'm aiming for, but I guess there's only one way to find out. Now I have the confidence that I can stop when I need to and be better for it, which I didn't think was possible for me before.

soma where are yooooooou? Are you ok?

We're going to paint it over the weekend. DD is back on Monday and I want it to be all lovely and welcoming for her as a surprise.

Ooh cross post soma!

Excellent I was a bit concerned you might have gone on a bender... You sound really sorted now and as if you've got some clarity on it all.

Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking that I can drink normally. I suppose I won't know until I try it - I'm going to not drink at all during the week, starting Sunday, and see how I feel with that. If I'm finding it too hard to stick to just moderate drinking at the weekends, I'll have to go back basics, won't I.

Island why don't you tell your friends and DH that you're intending to drive and not drink - you might be surprised how easily they accept it? If they're horrified, then you don't have to do it, but they might be grateful, which is an added incentive to you. Tell yourself you're going to have a really spectacular pudding or two to make up for it, or order the best thing on the menu and hang the cost, since you won't be contributing to the wine bill.

how does wine 'enhance' a meal btw?

i personally didn't particularly enjoy eating and drinking - i preferred the empty stomach drinking.

yep - that's true - what i really enjoyed was the drink that was hitting an empty stomach and low blood sugar. aperitif anyone? i can remember holidays in the south of france with that first drink just slightly before lunchtime and loving it! nothing was nicer than a daytime, empty stomach drink.

Thanks for sharing your moment of madness Venus

ditto from me, I recognised the thoughts, and you were strong to resist!

How are you feeling mia did you sleep better last night?

Saf empty stomach drinking - I second that.
Have never really drunk whilst eating & certainly not bothered about wine once I'm full.

It purely is the low blood sugar craving that I get & I hadn't realised it was as simple as that before joning this thread.

I made some notes and left them on my desk (which is shared by other people) Then yesterday I was off sick. I am half-hysterical at the thought a colleauge has read this:

^Having too many choices and being forced into making too many decisions can seriously dent your willpower. Ego depletion.

Willpower operates like a muscles and can be improved with practice (strengthens neural pathways). Remove yourself from temptation.

Resist short-term temptations to meet long-term goals. Decision fatigue. Self control depends and a limited energy supply & each persons willpower fluctuates during the day as various events deplete and replenish it. Decision-making and creative initiative deplete willpower supply. Eating and sleeping restore it.^

And underneath there is a picture of what looks like a squashed pizza.

Luckily nothing mentions alcohol...

Could be worse alias I left my ipod at work with a list of AA meetings, downloaded podcasts etc.

JWN where and how are you?

Alias I wouldn't worry at all - reading that doesn't make me think of drinking. It's just about willpower and most of us don't have enough of that!

Filthy weather here. Got absolutely soaked whilst out walking.

I'm so glad I didn't drink last night - it's thanks to you guys that I managed to resist. The devil on my shoulder was sulking and pouting a bit, but it went away to bother someone else after a while.

I am having a drink tonight. I know, I know... My goal is to only drink at weekends. I drank two nights this week, but at least I didn't drink every night I suppose.

Joining this thread has made me realise two things for certain - I don't drink in a 'normal' way but I can stop if I put enough effort and willpower in. If I drank in a normal way, I wouldn't do the following (sorry to write a list, but I need to get this down):

Think about wine all day, from the moment I wake up

Fret that I don't have 'enough' in the house

Go out of my way, in all weathers, to buy booze

Worry about how much I drink

Get so used to hangovers that, if I don't have one, it is very noticeable

Drink a minimum of a bottle of wine at a time

Try to conceal how much I am drinking from myself and my dh

Get into arguments with dh and generally behave badly when drunk

Spend too much on wine and wonder how many thousands, over the years, I have spent on bloody bottles

Kid myself that wine is an 'acceptable' drink, when compared to whiskey, brandy etc. Kid myself that wine is a 'good/classy' drink when, in fact, the crap I drink is no better than a blue plastic 2 litre zeppelin bottle of 'tramp' cider...

Funny enough we meet early, drink shitloads so wobbly on the way to the table and then it all slows down when the food comes. We usually don't eat until late and I never really remember what we have eaten. You're all right of course, it is the empty stomach wine i lust so as long as I get past the getting ready stage I should be fine! I might even try and get a earlier table so I can get some in me earlier rathere than later.

I think my DH and my best friends DH won't care but my best friend will be gutted she has no one to share the bottle of wine with ( men drink beer, us two gals share bottles of wine). In fact she may feel gutted as she won't like ordering a bottle to herself ( even though she's very capable of doing a bottle) maybe because it'll make her look bad, might brief DH in advance to offer to have a glass with his meal withher as he's very partial to wine and that'll shut her up. DH is pretty supportive if a little shocked at my intention to drive so he'll back me up.

As for tonight I'm prepared, apple & ginger juice chilling, nails and toenails to be painted and fake fan to apply as I fancy a bit of a feel good boost. Tomorrow I shall wake glowing and groomed with no hangover!!! Normally I ALWAYS drink on a Friday night so this'll be a revelation

BOING!!! mention my name and as if by magic!!

venus - i know exactly where you are coming from! one thing that keeps me going is that although i may be able to hide bottles, hide a certain amount of drinking etc i would know that i was lying to myself - all my life, even through all the chaotic divorces and house moves and money troubles and distructive relationships, one thing i have never been able to do is lie to ME! i can delude myself, run away from myself, put off admitting things (like many years of a drink problem), but i still wake up to ME - underneath everything all i have is me and i need to be truthful to me, in a cold hard way or it wont work! i have a feeling you are just the same!

joey - how worried are you about your drinking? how 'good' are your friends? i ask because when i stopped drinking i made the decision that i had to honest with friends and family or i would never get better, i needed their help and support, i realised that i may well lose a couple of 'friends' over it, that i may well have been judged and talked about, well hey, they would have a lot to talk about at my funeral if i had kept it quiet! - i can honestly say i have been given all the encourgement that my friends could muster (my bf even gave up drinking herself for a while) my family try and be as supportive as possible (the old parentals can dig quite a hole for themselves in restaurants and things when they forget and offer me wine but they are getting on! ) my true friends just want to see me well and happy (im sure there may have been the odd moment of gossip but thats human nature) all that really matters is that i got sober and remain so, my health is more important to me than what other people may think, what they talk about, if my soberity changes a friendship so much that they no want to remain my friend well so be it! their lose, not mine!

btw babes, we are here at the time of the week again, the time when the 'voice' thinks it has the upper hand because 'its friday'! ffs, you wouldnt let anyone else dictate to you like this would you? you have a will of your own, right?

Blimey I can't keep up with you lot. Just bookmarking. I said hello a few days ago but that's on page 20 or so of the last thread'!!!!!

at Joey that's very funny. It didn't mention alcohol at all though so there's no reason at all for anyone to think of it in fact they'll probably think you're trying to give up your pizza habit. I bet if anyone did read it then they thought 'ooh that's interesting, might look into that a bit more' because frankly, I don't know a single soul who wouldn't like more self control and willpower!

saf for me the right wine with the right food has a certain synergy - they both enhance the taste of the other. Of course that doesn't mean that you can't appreciate the food without the wine unless it's me eating a roast dinner and it's not worth doing it at all if it just stokes an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. At the moment, I don't want abstinence, I want to be able to drink wine moderately and for the right reasons.

I'm going to have a hearty snack at about 4.30/5pm so that I'm not hitting the white on an empty stomach, which is where it all goes wrong for me.

Funny last time I posted was on a Friday! Yes, I've 'allowed' myself to drink tonight after 2 days off the evil stuff...tis not right.

Cheese and ham sandwich in toastie pockets in the toaster. Numnumnumnum.

nomad I remember your name from last week.

Now I'm just as excited about biting into this toastie as I would be about taking the first sip of a glass of white. That's good eh?