The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

(seriously - a minefield of useless information!)

Mia sorry you're feeling crappy. Not surprising after reaching such a difficult decision. It sounds like your DP loves you so much though, and surely that is the most important thing. Also you didn't drink - amazing result - if you can cope with this without alcohol that just shows how strong you are.

I on the other hand spent the night in the sidecar - again. I was out with a friend, who actually barely drinks herself, but I of course had to polish off the best part of a bottle of wine. So a grand total of 2 AFDs remains my current record. And tonight I'm out again... really struggle with the idea of being in the pub with friends and not having a drink. Feeling very tempted to say sod it until after the weekend. But how many times have I said that before?

Saf - you are indeed a mine of fascinating facts. Perhaps you should start setting us a weekly test to see if we have been paying attention?! Well done on yet another meeting. Maybe I'll pluck up the courage one day.

blanket and chasing, I am 57% through the book and I actually get it!

haha to the test i quite fancy that - my teacher self doesn't get an outing these days and would probably love it.

saf I love all your interesting tidtits of information and you made me laugh with the idea of spending your booze money on reinforcing the stairs and widening the doorways.

soma I hope you're feeling fine this morning and full of renewed resolve.

Thank you all for indulging my self pitying wallowing and being so supportive. I'm not going to wallow any more. I keep crying - I think it's the non-drinking that's liberated a lot of emotion that I usually keep unconsciously supressed. All that sadness and vulnerability gets drowned in alcohol and comes out as irritability and flashes of anger, or flattened into depression. I'm not quite sure what to do with those feelings though. I guess just let them surface and acknowledge them without dwelling on them? Bit like thoughts in meditation? which I am utterly, utterly useless at

Come on ladies, how do you deal with these 'feelings' things? Usually I'm a head-dweller and good at articulating my thoughts (and my feelings after I've managed to analyze them and rationalise them away ) but last with DP I didn't really say much. I knew if I had a glass of red I would have been much more articulate, but then I wouldn't have been feeling as much, if that makes sense.

MsGee maybe some of that waffle might also apply to you with the anniversary looming - all those conflicting and sad feelings welling up and threatening to wash you away? Thinking about your funeral is reflecting on mortality and loss, isn't it, and loss of your baby who couldn't be. How does DH cope with it? Will you mark the anniversary in some way?

Well my image to hold on to today is that my sadness (and I think this has tapped into a bit of a well of feelings tbh, I don't think this is all just about the wedding) can do its tsunami thing and I'm just going to let it wash over me. I'm going to hold firmly to a nice kind tree or something (or maybe Gerald's bumper) and let it all flow around me. The branches of the tree can be all the positive things in my life, and they can support me.

Here are a few positives anyway:

I haven't had a drink for 10 days
Sobriety is letting me deal with my emotions in a far, far healthier way
I am calmer, more productive and in control than I have been in a long time
I am creating a better mother for DD!
I have almost sorted out the loft!

Have a good day Brave Babes.

ferfuxake there's no way I could go out to a pub for an evening with friends yet - just can't visualise doing that without drinking. Maybe pick a time when you won't be doing that for a week or so? Make things as easy as possible on yourself, rather than trying to resist such a strong trigger?

mia
"I haven't had a drink for 10 days
Sobriety is letting me deal with my emotions in a far, far healthier way
I am calmer, more productive and in control than I have been in a long time
I am creating a better mother for DD!
I have almost sorted out the loft!"
Print that out- it's a really clear and helpful reminder of what you are gaining every day you don't pick up. Keep those thoughts as a mantra and remember HALT.

Good luck all.

checking in.

How are you mia ? being awake in the middle of the night does not soothe the soul, does it? Everything seems worse in the night. I hope you got some sleep in the end.

I had another duvet day! I feel so lazy and guilty. I called in sick because my gut is still not right, and I can't eat anything today. (had 2 cups of coffee though, going without coffee would be almost as bad as going without wine)

Even worse than still being in my pyjamas I kept my daughter off school. I think she has abdominal migraine and let's face I was looking for an excuse not to get up.

The jug of willpower felt very appropriate at 8am because my thoughts were full of 'Should I go to work? Should I eat? Drink? Do I make my daughter go to school? What's wrong with her anyway, is it lactose intolerance? Migraine? She's not actually very ill... but she obviously needs to sleep... should we go back to the doctor again?'

I can honestly say I'm glad tonight is a AFD - although so was yesterday and I still didn't sleep well. Perhaps that was my gut; but also the newly-weds next door are certainly enjoying married life I don't mind really, they are quite young and sweet, and normally very quiet.

Suppose I'd better get dressed. I wonder, if I had one of those netbooks or ipads I wouldn't even need to get out of bed to come online!

i definitely feel more emotionally resilient mia. feeling emotion doesn't detract from that - it's how you deal with it that counts and in the main part i think that means responding rather than reacting.

AFD - another fucking day? sorry i must have missed that.

Mia I find that, when I don't drink, I tend to have a spell in the evenings of feeling really emotional and sometimes depressed. It's like the feelings have been suppressed by the drink.

I was in the sidecar last night - romantic evening in with dh as our ds is away on a school trip. I didn't drink as much as I normally would, but I still drank.

Tonight I will do my level best to resist the dreaded cravings.

SAF AFD = Alcohol Free Day

SAF

AFD - another fucking day?! yes it sometimes feels like it!

thanks for clarification.

Hi everyone. My mother's an alcoholic and I am terrified of going the same way. She drinks about two bottles of wine a night - my dad's income increased a couple of years ago and so did her drinking. It is depressing to watch her drink herself to sleep when I come home from university holidays, and yet this year at university I have had such an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I'm in my final year and I've been drinking almost a bottle a night to relax me from uni stress, or from issues with my boyfriend, and it's so horrible to think I 'need' a glass of wine to relax me. Have just spent three weeks at home during my study leave with my mother and watching the way she drinks has made me realise I need to pull myself together and stop drinking so much to avoid going the same way. I don't want to stop drinking altogether, I want to be able to have a drink on a night out, because at university being teetotal would make me feel so out of place. But I think I need to STOP drinking at home, especially on my own. Just writing this down to give me some motivation to stop drinking.
My dad also spends most evenings in the pub and my boyfriend is a big beer drinker. I'm surrounded by drinkers and I hate myself for being too weak to resist alcohol. I'm only twenty-one years old, Jesus. I've drank alcohol nearly every night since September.
Last night for the first time in months I didn't touch a drop of alcohol and I want it to continue, so fingers crossed.

That thing about my dad's income - not a stealth boast, we're not rich or anything! But what I mean is, my mum spends ££££ on alcohol per week and drinking cava most nights is totally normalised in my family. I do not want to end up just like my mother, spending any extra money on wine and behaving differently because of drinking.
Anyway yep so - this is my Day 2 of drinking abstinence... wish me luck!

Good luck and welcome Celia :)

Hello Celia. Have you spoken to your Mum about her drinking and the effect it is having on you? I know it can be awkward.

My ds is a similar age to you and at Uni, I gave up the demon drink when he is was about ten, but I do know that my drinking career had an effect on him too. He rarely drinks but is not sanctimonious about it, and does have a few friends who are worried about their parents drinking too. The good thing is you have recognized it as not a cool thing to replicate, so good on you, and well done for your two days. If once in a while if you can have a week off, or a few days just to keep it under control, that is a great step in the right direction.
Best of luck with your exams. xx

Hope all babes who are on the missing list are ok, been like hell in a handbag with me and mine this week.

p.s. Saf you seem to be glowing from the page this week, it's fantastic.

Hello Celia welcome aboard . If you have caught this early enough you may well be able to cut back your drinking to just weekends, or whatever, but you won't really know until you try. So well done on Day 1 keep doing what you're doing and check in with us if you feel like drinking. We can give you lots of support and advice to help you avoid that today.

Mia those feelings you are having are 'normal' everyday responses to normal everyday stresses. Stopping drinking won't make those feelings not happen.

But drinking will add to those feelings : remorse, guilt, disappointment, failure, health worries, financial waste, hangovers, lack of motivation, low self esteem, physical illness, tiredness, shame, regret, etc.

You did so well yesterday, I am genuinely impressed with how you use your strategies to avoid drinking. I have a feeling everything will turn out ok for you in the end, whatever happens.

JWN are you feeling any better?

< waves to all >

My resolve is waning. I think I will write this week off as a sidecar week The only night I didn't drink was Monday...

Welcome Celia - that must be really stressful, watching your mother drink in such an unhealthy way.

I've just put a bottle of white in the freezer to chill.

greyhound

I read a quote somewhere that went, if you had a bad nights sleep, you wouldn't just give up and think no point in trying tonight? The same applies if you fall off the bus, just because yesterday was yesterday, well today is a whole new day.

I'm not very good at explaining sorry. I just wanted to say - it was great that you didn't drink on Monday, hold onto the positives.

Joey

Thanks, Joey - this week, after Monday, was a write off.

I drank to celebrate a success re. my writing on Tuesday, Wednesday was a romantic night in without our ds (he's away on school trip, returning tomorrow) and tonight I've bought one of those M&S meal for two for a tenner deals as another 'romantic' night is in store.

Mia so have I...

Fairie I've just read your wise words. Should have read the thread before I did that shouldn't I.

I'm making dinner now though, so I'll try to last til then and see if the urge is still as strong afterwards.

I know I should take the wine out of the freezer but I'm not going to.

well miss MIA!!
if i were in your kitchen right now i would smack your bottom! you sound like a petulant child! 'I know I should take the wine out of the freezer but I'm not going to'!!!
seriously, its the old fucking voice!! its out to get you - you can let it win or you can pull yourself up by your knicker elastic and fight it all the way! its not easy, this soberity thing, its bloody hard work at times, somehting i heard again and again when i first started at AA was, 'the GOOD thing about getting sober is getting your emotions back, the BAD thing about getting sober was getting your emotions back'!! very very true! i know you have had a crap few days, what with the wedding and all, but honestly, a bottle of wine wont cure anything, just make you feel worse!