The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Thank you wise faire I don't know why, exactly. I think because I'm a bit wiped out with all this emotion and I want a respite from it. Because it's going to be an emotional conversation with DP. Because I expect he'll be drinking. I really don't know. Just feel very fragile today tbh.

And no I don't want to feel like deep fried dog shit tomorrow (that makes me want to puke too!) because I really want to get the loft looking lovely for when DD comes home.

Ginger - no - its not doom and gloom at all. The book is optimistic and positive. Get it. Pm me your address and Ill post you mine. Read it - it wont do you any harm.... :o)

Oh soma I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel bad wittering on about my self-created relationship woes. I'll stop wallowing in self pity now.

2nd that Ginger.

Really refreshing to read a positive, motivational account of how to reassess your drinking habits.

rainqueen - i'm really sorry you had that experience - trite sounding as that it is. just wanted to say that the bit that rang familiar for me is that like you i can identify when i started drinking like that and what the triggers were and have realised that although i've moved on from those events and processed them i hadn't put down the crutch i'd picked up to cope with them at the time. in a way then for us maybe getting rid of that crutch is like properly fully moving on and healing from those difficult beginnings? kind of like getting rid of the last bit of baggage?

maybe we need a mantra like i don't need this, i'm not that scared little girl anymore? not catchy that but you know, some way of reminding ourselves that we're not there anymore and the drinking belongs to the past the same as the issues that started it?

i'm getting all oh i can't be bothered about this meeting tonight. must get up and kick my own arse into getting ready. have just stuffed myself silly. must move on from the pigging out instead of drinking phase or i will need to widen my doorways.

Too late for day one here but it will be controlled again!

blanket thanks so much for your kind offer. Got the sample on my kindle and read the reviews so I have now downloaded it!

Hello lovely Babes

rain I'm so sorry that happened to you.

soma you sound so sad - sending hugs your way.

mia it sounds like you made the right decision but I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I've just found out my DMIL has breast cancer. :( We're going to spend time with her over BH weekend after her op, I think it has been caught really quickly. I love my MIL, she's a fantastic woman and I'm sad she's going through this.

I visited another uni today, and have made my decision. :)

And I am not going to drink today. I poured the rest of the wine (from last night) down the sink.

Well done Sunny. My lovelly MIL had cancer last November and is now in remission, she went through a lot but is really well and happy now x

Soma not everyone here has a partner (and some have partners they don't really want sometimes ) so you are definately not alone. We are a very mixed bunch, a bag of mixed nuts if you like

Saf get yourself ready and commit to going tonight. I've just done 30 minutes of zumba so if I can get of my lazy arse I'm sure you can too . Ooh how rude - oh, you know what I mean x

Mia sorry, I'm the one who's wallowing in self-pity - part of the "illness" I expect.

Most of the time I'm very chilled about the fact I'm single and then it bites me on the bum. Never been happy around men, never, and that's why I started drinking, in order to feel comfortable.

Soma did you start drinking to feel comfortable around people, or men, or a particular man? Don't answer if you don't want to, just ignore me, it's ok. But if you want to talk about it, this is a safe place x

Faire, thanks for asking, I appreciate it. I was never comfortable around my dad and that's how I always felt about being with men. Drinking made me feel relaxed and lowered my sexual inhibitions. I couldn't tell you how many drunken one-nighters I've had and it's strange to think that I've never had first-time sex sober, ever, even with my long-term partners.

I suppose I'm alright now, because I'm single, I daren't risk involvement again, I feel it would really unhige me.

I mean unhige

Acutally I mean unhinge, but I'm a bottle down

Thanks for the sypport. I really didn't post for any sympathy, I just had a bit of a light bulb moment where all this started and needed to share.

I did have some help at the time but I was a scared and overwhelmed girl who just wanted to be left alone. I haven't considered help since as I have got my life in order (except the drinking) and do not really wnat to think too much about my past. I like to think that I can deal with the drink without going into all my past problems. Not sure if this is me burying my head in the sand.

I am in the side car at the moment but am working on getting back into the bus

Thanks for the advice everyone

Walking the dog in the rain really helped! Actually I should be proud of what I achieved: had a goal of only drinking twice a week and stuck to it.

Goal of maximum 500ml of wine and stuck to it.

Wanted more - but had pre-empted the situation, and made sure there wasn't any.

Didn't bully husband into telling me where he hid the gin. Didn't even go looking for the gin!

Came on here instead.

I was just disappointed because I thought it would be easier. Realised its never really going to be easy, and I'll have to fight it for the rest of my life. Or quit. Am unsure whether to quit or not.

Still can't eat - well, I had a Costa chocolate tiffin but it hurt my gut so I may have to starve this evening.

So I'm on the bus now - btw where is this bus going? I only have a one-way ticket....

We had the talk. No wedding shall be occurring here. Still on the bus. Just.

Hello mia ! It sounds like you're having a tough time, but you're managing it well. Sit next to me on the bus? we can sit on the back seats and make faces out the window?

Ah Mia have a (((hug))) what do you want to do this evening (apart from the obvious). Go for a walk or a swim? Early night? Chat with us?

Soma take care of yourself my lovely. Make sure you get plenty of water before bed and come and talk to us again tomorrow x

Mia - bloody well done on clinging on to the bus pole (you know the pole at the back that old routemasters used to have? - is there a name for it?!). Excellent work! May I strongly suggest watching a movie or reading a trashy book like an Hollywood autobiography or something - something that that is truly escapist?

Thanks everyone for being so friendly on here btw. I have to be honest - I never, ever thought I would 'join in' and I have lurked since JWN's very first post two years ago. I didn't want to be 'one of you'. How fucking stupid and deluded and snooty pants is that?! This is just a support thread with nice people on similar but different journeys looking out for each other. Nothing scary or shameful in that

I don't want to do anything except feel sorry for myself, tbh. Don't feel like talking, watching film or anything. I've got to tell everyone in RL now. Good job it wasn't some big do, eh?

I'll huddle in the corner of the back seat joey and listen quietly. Someone chuck a rug over me.

Really really sorry, mate. Must be very painful for you right now. Tell them when you're ready.

Thanks proud

mia have a nice hot cup of tea, Earl Grey or herbal or rooibus, whatever takes your fancy. Don't spill it when the bus goes round a corner.

[hugs]

Mia thinking of you. xx