The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

You did great Ginger with the watered down wine AFTER a glass AND a half of the full fat version. After 1.5 glasses all my good intentions are gone so something positive is cooking away in your mind there... ?! I think.
I used to ask for a white wine spritzer and always asked for more spritz than ser! If that makes sense. Hated it watered down - what was the fecking point?

How are you feeling today? If not too ropey maybe tonight you could abstain? Just for tonight?

Now listen chaps. Ive read a booked called Kick the Drink Easily by Jason Vale.

Now Im not the type of girl that gets easliy persuaded, Im not biiblical or easily distracted..... But Ive read this book and I really really dont want to drink any more.

The old urge is still within me and needs constantly checking and Im treating myself to a chocolate bar of a night but the WANT to drink has diminished. Drastically....

Its all a bit weird and Ive resisted telling you all because come tomorrow - Ill be in the sidecar again. :(

Ive no faith in myself and Im ashamed of that.

But I do KNOW myself and Ive been drinking bloody bloody heavily for over 20 years.... One books isnt going to change that - surely?

Still.

Something has happened in a positive way and so I do suggest you read it.

Thats me.

Keep on with us Ginger. It doesnt matter if your drinking. We still want to hear from you.

x

Thanks pround and kirsty.

i texted DP to ask if he still wanted to talk about it first or should I just go ahead and cancel it today. He replied that he wants to talk to me and explain his feelings better. This is a man who would rather have all his teeth extracted simultaneously than talk about his feelings, bless him. So I'll wait and see.

kirsty that's a nice idea. At the mo I don't feel like celebrating my birthday at all this year tbh, but I expect I'm being melodramatic (can't imagine where DD gets it from...) and maybe I'll feel differently in a few weeks.

proud I know drinking won't help. I'm going to try and remember that later this afternoon when the twinges start.
That's lovely about your DH.

Ok, managed to get upstairs and wash hair, but still not in loft - on ipad instead. I'm really going up there now.

Blanket I've got the Jason Vale book & it definately takes a more radical approach/opinion of how/why we drink.

Basically he explodes all the myths surrounding drinking and 'alchoholism' (in inverted commas for a reason) out of the water, which consequently should make you question why on earth you would ever want to drink again.

A good read, & very thought provoking, even if if it does feel like you are being shouted at by a Sargeant Major

mia you have made a brave decision, look after yourself.

I am feeling really fed up today, had some wine last night which was okay, but as soon as I poured the last glass I started feel anxious and cross. Didn't sleep well and woke up thinking 'thank goodness tonight is AFD!' that says a lot, doesn't it.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself - took the kids to school, came home and went back to bed. Woke up at 11.30 and just read for 2 hours. Feel guilty and pathetic and

Am a bit under the weather, cause I've eaten something that disagreed with me; but it's more than that - I also feel like I'm battling something psychologically - feel angry that I haven't walked the dog or done any housework, I even skipped my exercise class. Done NOTHING and need to pick the kids up in an hour!

Sorry for being pathetic and so sorry for myself - have only had coffee and nothing to eat, am just full of self-pity

Joey

Joey!
You have had a day off. A blanket day. Just a good old fashioned rest day! Its ok. You probably dont recognise it because youre a Mum and therefore work at a pace that is quite ridiculous but youve had a much needed day off.

Its ok. Have another tomorrow and then fully rested (no booze tonight if poss) you will be back on track.

What do you think is bothering you on a deeper more mindful level? Will it help to talk?

Today you rested your body.... Its ok.

:) xxxx

Chasing - I liked the approach of not feeling like you are in denial for 'the rest of your life' (said in big lound doom and gloom voice)!
I get what he is saying about it being a toxin and addictive. Ive never realised what I was doing. I was (am?) so addicted to the bloody stuff and if you believe Jason - its not even my fault!
Media, advertising its aimed at me to drink it and drink it and glamourised. But it makes me SO ILL and reading the book as definitely done something. Tho Im too scared to say it out loud as I might behave differently next week, next year etc etc etc?
Still. A positive step. Do you drink Chasing?

Thanks alias. If you do one thing today before you pick up the DCs, please eat - help your body keep your blood glucose levels up and replenish yourself.

I think I'm quite likely to drink tonight. That resolve just isn't there today.

Thank you blanket and mia

I can't eat for a few more hours (health condition, no details - I still worry about being outed!) but should be okay this evening. No wine tonight (and I feel good about that!?!)

What's bothering me is that I feel lazy and pathetic; that last night proved it may be best to abstain completely and I'm not ready for that; and I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I will walk the dog to school - some fresh air will help!

Thanks again

Joey

Blanket if that book isn't just gloom and doom and trying to scare me into giving up I might try it!

ginger I very rarely manage a day 1. Just can't do it. But am on quite strong anti-biotics and feeling a bit nauseous so have managed to trick myself into thinking that I will die if I drink (yes, I get the irony ).
It's nice not going into work with a hangover, but am tired as it is hard to sleep without the best part of a bottle inside me to fuzz the brain..

I've fallen off, just couldn't resist the lure of half-price sauvignon blanc on the way home. Said to myself, I've done a week without and I DESERVE this. So side-car it is for me :(

Interesting similarities between us Mia, apart from the loft that is! I effectively made my ex-H marry me even though he wouldn't allow ANYBODY at the so-called ceremony/reception. But it's pretty clear now that it was because he didn't love me enough since he's asked his current partner to marry him. She's not keen though!

Your DP sounds like an all-round decent chap and that the only thing wrong is that he won't get married. He makes you happy on a consistent basis, n'est pas? Why is it so important for you to be married? Are you going to leave him if he won't marry you? I have an unresolved relationship with my dad too (even though he's still alive) and my guess is, a lot of this has to do with how you feel about yourself. I suppose the most difficult thing to resolve is getting round the fact that marriage is such a deal-breaker to him that he won't do it order to make you happy. Are you still going to drink tonight?

Blanket I have now been sober for 3 1/2 weeks (except for a planned knees up when I had 2 glasses of bubbly!) This is the longest I have been dry in about 15 years (was still drinking even when pg, albeit only 1 or glasses a week ) so feels like quite an achievement.

I am not a binger, rather an habitual drinker. Come rain/shine/tiredness/happiness/bordem blah blah I would drink about 2 - 3 glasses of white a night. Would exhaust myself worrying about how to get kids to bed early so I could get that first glass down my neck.

I have had to make some big changes to my routine, eating dinner much earlier being the biggest (hunger is one of my main triggers)

I now feel so much better, physically. mentally & emotionally I just wish I could have set my mind to stop drinking years ago. Although it's early days still, I can also feel the cravings subsiding a bit & no longer feel that daily pit of anxiety about whether I had enough wine in the house & how soon I could start on it.

Sorry for the me, me me post but I truly believe that if I hadn't stumbled upon this thread & seen that there are so many woman in the same position, I would still be stuck on that hamster wheel.

I don't know yet how I feel about giving up alcohol permanently but want to have a fair crack at giving my body/head a rest before deciding if I will ever be able to drink again.

Hi, everyone.

I am here, just lurking and reading all your posts with interest. I am not doing great. I got to Day 16 (I think) a couple of weeks ago but then Easter came and I slipped up and haven't got myself back on track. I am currently reading the Caroline Knapp book recommended on here and I can identify with a lot she says.

I have been think ing about when my drinking habit started and can pinpoint exactly. I was raped at 11 and after a couple of years of abuse I told a teacher who obviously informed my parents and the police. Anyway, not to dwell too much but I think my parents already had an idea. It was a hard time in my life and with the investigation and social services involvement I was quite withdrawn. During this time my Mum used to pour me drinks of whatever she was drinking (she drank most nights but only one or two at most) to "take the edge off". I was only 13 but I guess she was trying to help. And as she said it did take the edge off and shortly after that I was sneeking vodka in my school bag, drinking on street corners etc and I guess, although I left home and the area and made a much better life for myself, I never left behind alcohol as a crutch.

I have a great life now. I live hundreds of miles away from where I grew up and started again. I have a career and a husband. I live in a nice house in a beautiful village and have my lovely DCs but I still think back over my past and that makes me sad and whenever the going gets a little rough (by which I mean hard day with the kids etc) I turn to drink.

I don't completely blame my mother. She was not in a great place at the time either and was trying to get through as best she could.

Not sure why I wrote all that. I just had to get it off my chest.

I am really trying here because I desperately want to stop drinking and get some control back in my life.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

mia I was like you, for a reason that I couldn't quite explain, I wanted to BE married. Dh wasn't fussed, but when we talked about it he explained that he loved our relationship as it was, and he was scared that if we got married, something might change. We did marry, in a small private ceremony, just us and our 2 witnesses. No party.

Vows were:
"I x take you y, from this day forward and into the future,
To be my husband/wife, my partner, my love, my friend.
I will walk by your side through sickness and health,
Through prosperity and uncertainty,
When love is easy and when love is a struggle.
I commit to our life together.

(and some other things that we promised to do like respect, honesty, humour, integrity etc). We didn't say 'for ever' but one of our responses was about our intention to keep the promises completely and forever.

RainQueen Welcome to the bus! I'm so sad and horrified to hear that you were raped. To be raped at any age is appallingly traumatic but being violated in your childhood must be dreadful.

It sounds like your mum was trying to help in her own way, although her methods were obviously misguided.

I think it is hard to let go of the past. I had a fairly traumatic childhood and youth. My sibling was very ill and my mother an untreated depressive. Mum lived in her own world a great deal and sometimes spent an entire weekend sobbing. Most of us would tread on eggshells around her.

I find it hard to forgive my mum for her occasional violent outbursts and I do find I drink to numb bad memories.

I read the Caroline Knapp book some years back. It was a good read and a lot of it rang true.

Rain, huge respect to you for sharing something so personal. You truly are a Brave Babe - I can only imagine how horrific that whole period in your life must have been.

(((((big hugs))))))

RainQueen what a terrible thing to happen to you (words cannot express how badly I feel for you)

Welcome on board the bus .. everyone is great on here I've found the support fantastic .. I hope you do too xx

RainQueen - Im devastated to read your story. Im so gut twistingly pissed off that you were abused in such a way. Yes - your Mums actions were misguided and its testament to your inner strength and good nature that you can understand them in a postive way.

I can see why youve written it all down. Because IMO its Bloody Good to talk. Its hard and difficult to get it all out but talking about it (writing about it) can only be a good thing. Therapy/councelling will help too RainQueen - I promise you that.

If you havent had any - please get some. You owe it to that your Little RainQueen - its her that needs the drink. Not you.

Oh I hope thats all ok to say. I just want to comfort you in any small way because you deserve so much more.

((((()))))

x

PNS I value your contributions on here too. Everyone has something to offer so please do share your thoughts whenever you feel like it

Island once you start entertaining the idea of the next drink you will feel your resovle start to weaken. I think that's what might have happened to you yesterday. This is why it's so important to keep it in the day. Don't think about tomorrow, or the weekend, or even this evening. Just don't drink right now.

Ginger if you want to do one day, try this. If you get a craving and don't drink, what's the worst thing that happens? The cravings get stronger? Then what? If you don't drink, maybe you can't concentrate, you get snappy, feel on edge? Then what? Really what is the absolute worst thing that will happen if you do not drink today. You go to bed and you can't sleep, tossing and turning all night? Then what? Then you will wake up in the morning feeling tired and grotty but guess what, you will have done your day one . It just gets better from there, you start to be able to sleep properly, which means you can cope with your day better. You will have more energy and more time and because you want to keep busy you will get loads more done. Try it, let us know if it worked x

Mia DH and I didn't want to marry because so many people seemed to change after marriage and become unhappy. Eventually, after 12 years together, we decided to give it a shot. But we agreed that nothing would change in our relationship. We booked a holiday, got married with a small group of family and friends and flew out that evening for our honeymoon. It's been another 16 years since then and, as we agreed, nothing has changed. Maybe your dp has some similar concerns? I agree that talking it through a bit more and maybe changing some details of the actual day might mean that it doesn't have to be cancelled after all x

alias what you described sounds like a regular hangover day to me. Except I would have eaten lots in an attempt to make myself feel better. Hope you get a good rest tonight and feel more refreshed tomorrow. I would also echo Mia and suggest you do eat something nourishing when you can.

Rain (((hugs))) I was so sad to read your post, and so, so sorry. Did you receive good counselling to help at the time? If you were very overwhelmed and withdrawn it may not have been the best time for therapy so please do consider it now if you think it would help. I can totally understand turning to drink at stressful times but did anyone ever suggest other ways for you to cope?

JWN did you get to the GP? How are you doing today?

Mia If you want to drink, then go ahead. What is it you want to 'get' from that drink? If it is just because you've done 9 days, then you are thinking of alcohol as a reward which can be a difficult obstacle to overcome. Is it to cheer you up? If it is then you are using alcohol to change your mood, which is a crutch you really don't want to rely on. Is it because you want to blot out all those thoughts? If it is then you are using alcohol to self medicate.

I know it's tough, my lovely, and if you really want to drink, then do it. But before you do just have a really good think about whether that is really what you want. How will you feel tomorrow? Will you be able to just put it behind you and go back to not drinking. Are you willing to sacrifice tomorrow to feeling like deep fried dog shite?

Or can you say to yourself, I want to drink today, but I am not going to! And come and spend your evening with us. It's just a few hours. You can do it if you want to x

Isinde you ok lovely?

RainQueen that's horrific. You are so strong to have endured that, recovered and built a healthy life for yourself. I think it's totally understandable that you turn to alcohol as a crutch/anaesthetic - it's what you were taught to do, after all, and the lessons we learn young tend to stick with us. I guess it's a case of replacing that lesson and belief - 'I feel bad, drinking will make me feel better' - with something more nourishing and less self-defeating.

venus you've described exactly how I feel and what I wanted (again - have you been wandering around in my head? ). It doesn't feel the same for DP though, obviously.

Oh soma you've been doing so well! What made you succumb to the temptation, do you think? Have you started drinking already? If not, it's not too late to save the day and not open that bottle.

"But it's pretty clear now that it was because he didn't love me enough since he's asked his current partner to marry him."
That's what I'm afraid is the case here soma. I know he loves me, and I know he's never been in love before either (he's a man who takes a long time to make up his mind ). He is willing to marry me if it would make me happy, which means a lot to me, and I'm sure he'd agree to having a small gathering the following day too. But knowing he doesn't really want this has spoilt it for me. It's all my own fault for pushing in the first place.

No I wouldn't end the relationship over this, we've got too much going for us. But I do feel that a little part of me has retreated, if I'm honest. I'm sure it will be fine in time. None of this is DP's fault.

Well I've eaten already in the hope of staving off the cravings. I'm not ruling out wine later though, the way I'm feeling today.

I feel so alone here. I'm single and everyone else has partners and the talk centres on relationships so often that I feel like an outsider.

Deep fried dog shit . I need to keep that at the forfront of my brain everytime I think I need a drink!

Just the thought of it makes me want to puke & I'm not even hungover!