Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

[hatesponge]

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

phew - see my judement is all over today

But you are disappointed in him because he is not what you thought he was. He has no idea what you thought he was so it's not fair to be disappointed in him He hasn't lived up to your expectations of him, which was that you expected him to call within a certain time. He doesn't know of these expectations so really he is being set up to fail.

MrsKL

Time I see what you're saying. I suppose then I'm just disappointed in myself.

Every experience is a learning curve sponge if you let it be one One day you will look back on today and wonder why you let yourself get down about it, whichever way it goes from here on.

No sponge, you are just disappointed and probably frustrated, because you like him and you want something to come of it. Patience is required. It's too soon to jump to conclusions about him not being interested. As confirmed by your colleague. Plus, don't you think it's so much nicer to think positively?

I'm not sure what exactly I can learn from it? What's happened suggests I'm a poor judge of character. I know that isn't true, I'm very good at spotting crap men. The only thing I could learn is to have absolutely no expectations ever, but I would find that far too depressing.

I could think positively. But if the call or text never comes it will only make it worse

But the only thing to be disappointed in at the moment is your expectation that he would call or text within a time limit he has no indication of knowing! Don't be hard on yourself sponge. & don't be hard on him until he prooves to be an absolute fuckmuppet. (which is by Tuesday night at the earliest if he doesn't make contact....). The difficulty is judging people by our cynical standards... Our expectations are lowered by people in our pasts being shits....so we think everyone is a shit based on our previous interactions with them. The best quality in all of us, who have suffered horrible previous relationships is the ability to hope. Don't write him off yet, I often think blokes have a very different perception of time to us!! :)

So, you find having no expectations depressing so you would rather have expectations and be depressed when they are not lived up to? I think you could use this to learn about yourself, perhaps? Maybe learn to be more relaxed and open to 'whatever' happening afterwards. Learn that you can't really get to know someone during one date so really, you can't say whether or not you are a poor judge of character because you haven't spent long enough with him. Just a couple of suggestions

Having expectations of someone actually puts them under a huge amount of pressure that they are not actually aware of. It gives them responsibility for your feelings. If you had specifically told him to call you at 6pm on Sunday and he didn't call then you would have had every right to be pissed off with him, but no such arrangement was made, so basically it was left open for him to call any time. He hasn't called yet but he isn't aware he is under any expectation to do so.

Personally, I would choose to think positively while messaging/dating other men. I wouldn't be disappointed if the call never came because I would be so busy I would soon have put him to the back of my mind

Oops, cross post with snape

^ Snapespeare & Time are both right sponge ^ tbh, if it was me I'd probably just call or text him instead of waiting and doing my own head in. Is that an option for you?

What you can learn from this, for one, is that some men & some women have very different ideas about how long to leave it before making contact no? I take it the colleaugue you spoke to is one whom you trust/value the opinions of - and he said Weds/Thurs for him. It is definitely one of those things where we all have different views on the best approach.

Me too MrsKL but calling or texting seems to be a big no no when it comes to men I honestly do fail to see why.

I reckon I would text him too. I know its not cool but id want to sort of get the closure that if he doesnt reply to my text, then thats it IYKWIM. If he replied in a breezy, non commited way then thats its as well. It would give me a door to shut. What would I text him? I dunno something fairly filthy knowing my track record!
Communication is so easy these days with text but I like to be able to end it myself in my own mind rather than a limbo siutation. Or I would delete everything I had of him do the decision would be made.
I dont think I could call, too nerve wracking especially if he sounded awkward.

Hello - hope no one minds me joining in here - you seem like you may have been going through this together for a while :)

Anyone else feel not really sure whether they do want to have a relationship with anyone else, but equally feel a bit interested to find out? XH and I have been separated for about a year now and have been dabbling in OK Cupid mostly (do have a profile on PoF but haven't been on it for ages). Have a date lined up for Saturday with someone who seems relatively normal (ie can string several sentences together....) but part of me is quite happy how I am and wonder whether I am actually capable of having a relationship. Wouldn't say no to some sex occasionally though. And conversation that isn't based around what 8 and 6 year olds talk about

Right, just dipping in girls really to ask beg you to like this link on Facebook. PLEASE it would mean so much the link is WWW.facebook.com/DdotSdotB its for ny friend ;-)

Just text saying thanks for a great date. Hope to see you soon. Simple, I text after a date I don't care, but they normally text first.

Please like my link, please please please.

Afternoon :)

Watch sorry to hear you're feeling down.

I'm like Time really, no mega exciting activities. I read, come on the internet and do other things like jigsaws, although haven't done one for ages, that are mainly home based. Activities that I've done since the kids were younger and I didn't have money for babysitters, so found things to do in the home. I've been single 12 years in June. The first few years I was happy being single. I built up my confidence by doing things I would have left to my ex previously, then I got myself an education which also built up my confidence. Now I would like someone to share my life with but I'm not lonely, like Time I enjoy my own company, although I would be prepared to share a home with someone.

I guess this is why I'm not in a rush to arrange lots of dates and am not actually being pro-active atm. I'm job hunting atm, so money is limited, so have decided to only arrange dates with someone I'm really interested in, whereas in the past I've arranged dates to see what the man was like in person, iyswim.

I am totally aware I am a whingebag with ridiculous expectations

I've thought about it and whether or not he has or hasnt text me so far is really no guarantee. Mr Chemistry text me at the earliest opportunity after we met, I never had any inkling he wasn't other than genuine and he still ended up being a total flake. I'm just hard work, if he was texting me I wouldn't be happy either, I'm sure!

So am going to think about it less (difficult) and instead panic about DS2's birthday party which is on Satursday and for which I am entirely unprepared.

I will text him on Weds though if I haven't heard in the meantime.

I always try to go for cheap/free dates, like a walk in a park, coffee or a couple of drinks. Not planning on seeing anyone apart from just friends for a week or two atm.

Loneliness is hard to deal with. I so miss waking up next to someone, but with all things in life, you pick yourself up after a fall, brush yourself down and try again. There is hope.

Me, me, me Miranda, that is exactly how I feel! I want it, when the possibility of getting it arises I decide I don't want it

Chaotic we are very much alike, up until the point where you would be prepared to share your home with someone. Although, I am prepared to omit the word 'never', because you just never know. Maybe one day I will meet a men like the men I have never met before and immediately want to get him a key cut.

Good plan sponge! And how old is your DS? What kind of party are you planning? I've already started planning DD's party and her birthday isn't until August!

MLM Good attitude

at

There's always the possibility that I'll decide I don't want to share my home with someone. Having had the bed to myself for so long it's going to be hard to share it again. Atm I do like the idea of waking up next to someone so we'll see.

DDs birthday is in September. She started planning it in about October

Smart DD

I can't stand the thought of waking up next to someone I like a man when he is all clean and smelling nice, in a shirt, and with his trousers on. I don't mind seeing him without said shirt and trousers for about half an hour or so, or maybe even an hour or two, but seeing him as soon as I open my eyes, with his face squashed on my pillow, looking like Quasimodo, and dribbling, with smells emitting. No. No, thank you. He is welcome to borrow a part of my bed for a limited time but he must go home when that time expires. That way, he may even get an invite back for an extended period of time. But he will not be allowed to fall asleep. Ever!

How old is your DD Miranda. My DD is 9 and already has the Argos catalogue out ready for her Christmas list. And I'm already making a holiday list for April next year. I should have been a boy scout really.

I can't stand the thought of waking up next to someone ...... he will not be allowed to fall asleep. Ever!

I am SO with you on that Time!

For me sleeping is much too personal to share with someone else, I cant bear the thought of co sleeping ever again.