Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

[hatesponge]

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

Anyone tried this site? www.freedating.co.uk/

Or this one www.flirtbox.co.uk/

www.completelyfreedating.co.uk/

:( I am finding it so hard to believe in myself. I know that I'm great, and he should be bloody grateful I am interested in him. And despite that he isn't.

I just feel like I'm metaphorically always the bridesmaid, I never get what everyone else takes for granted. And I don't know why - is it that I have shit taste in men? I Honestly don't think I do anything wrong. And my taste in men is a hell of a lot better than it ever was in the past.

Loneliness is a tricky one. Sometimes I think I feel lonely and other times I think its just boredom. I am so bored of POF and the ineptitude of the men to try and even engage. If that is what they are like on "paper" (monosyllabic), there is no way they would be able to hold a half way witty conversation in real life.
I met one guy from there a few weeks ago. He was boring. He had incredibly long fingers which put me off straight away. Spindly, long fingers will never float my boat. Anyway I ended up spending a terribly tedious evening with him and he text me to say that although I was great company we wanted different things in life. Ugh.
I did strike up a message conversation with man from POF who said my photos were nice. NICE! The reason being is the background in his photo looked quite nice. His car was parked in a good street and there wasnt no suggestion of cages, nets half hanging off windows, snakes or a hoarding issue from the photo.
He has now vanished.
My long term FWB is working in the South this week and wants to meet up (I have the libido of a one cell crustation at the moment) so I may take a train ride to London and meet him at some point. I cant say I am terribly excited at the prospect though.
I am going start treating the POF fraternity with the same one word messages as I get treated with. "Hiya", "what ya doing?", "what ya looking for" and "Hi sexy" will be all that I send from now on.
Chin up Watch. Id love to know what these people are actually doing when they are not texting us.
Momentum is an underrated word!
I liked the phrase about the swine. Very apt.
I did think about messaging everyone on POF with "hiya" or "what ya up to sexy" and see what response I get. Instead I have taken to setting my profile from IE to friends,to relationship etc and watch the response plummet and rise accordingly.
Too much time on my hands........

My 19 year old wants to meet up again, but doesn't want to settle down, and he was good, but I don't want to settle for a regulate date and bed scenario with anyone, I don't sleep about. I want a relationship but I suppose if I get desperate, in a week it so I might. But would rather be withy.just friends. I want to tell him how I feel but can't, it could ruin our friendship.

aww sponge I feel for you while you feel like this I really do. I had a very brief 'thing' with someone last year and it was a bit as you describe. I knew he liked me etc etc, unless he was a bloody good actor. Turns out he'd gone back to his ex, who I had no idea about. It probably is his ishoos and not anything to do with you why he hasn't called. Some men are just shits. Same as some women I guess. There are players and then there are keepers and then every variation of personality in between on dating sites. Keeping ones chin up is the only way to do it! You sound like you know who you are yourself and thats half the battle i think so in time you will meet someone perfect for you

time thanks for that! I was trying to be amusing but have had a few weird messages of the 'do you shag in cars then' type - yuk, just awful! Luckily for me my first pof date seems so far to be just perfect.... I knew exactly the type of person I want to meet tho tbh, 3 years on my own gave time to ponder my needs and requirements , and by process of elimination it seems to have worked this time huge sigh of relief that i'm not getting it all totally wrong Its far tooearly to know for sure, but you know when you meet someone and it all just clicks.

sunshine I could write a book about tedious dating experiences! I have my pof set to looking for a relationhip. Was considering changing to IE after what I've read on here about increasing traffic so funny but am hoping for now i won't be needing pof - fingers & toes all crossed!

That all sounds really positive MrsKL. I was going to suggest that you add a "and please don't offend me by asking if I 'shag in cars', if you can't afford a hotel or don't have a bedroom then you are obviously not the man for me" but I think you might just be hiding your profile soon, when you go exclusive, so there's no point

Yes, thats what I was thinking I'm maybe still a bit head up in the clouds atm, but I definitely will not be arranging anymore dates on pof unless/until this goes tits up and i've got it all wrong.

There was one other who I was originally meeting last night, but he asked last week to change to tonight or tomorrow. I told him I'd get back to him on which was best or possible for me, but I haven't as yet as the weekend passed me by in a blur. I'm going to go on and message him today to say can't meet after all. He is someone tha a rl friend actually did meet up with and she said he is a lovely guy, so will play it fair!

sponge - maybe dont write him off just yet. I know its really hard when you like someone, give it a little while....... you wouldnt have done anything wrong...

misskl - that all sounds really positive - and yes, it does help to uload and im sure its get throughable :) it does help to know others halve felt like that and im not letting the side down to admit it.

Mylittlemiracle I don't sleep about either, but we are all grown ups and I think one little fwb never did any harm if you are happy with it If you have already slept with him it doesn't count in any case... in the MissKL rules of dating which you are free to subscribe too!

It could be Sponge that he really does like you but knows as he is going away soon that nothing can come of it, he may be trying to save himself some heartache. There could be many reasons why he hasn't yet been in touch, none of them related to you as a person. It's all about the way you choose to think about it

Its not letting the side down watch. I have learned that over the years. I think nearly everyone is lonely at some point/s in their lives, for a million different reasons. The ones that cope with it best are the ones that face up to it and deal with how they feel. For some of us we mumsnet and internet date, others may take up flowerarranging or some such thing I prefer this way tbh, flower arranging would be soooo tedious!

That is why the likes of us are on mn and not keeping it all in and to ourselves! The interent can give you support without the need to shout it from the rooftops about how we can soemtimes feel inside iyswim? I am sending you a hug, (())which i know is strictly against the rules, but hey, I know how you feel and I want you to know you won't always feel it.

Sorry a couple of us are feeling less than bright... The lonliness does hit on occasion, it sucks. As long as we are doing everything we can to combat those blues, then at least we have tried everything we can think of and that gives a degree of peace with our circumstances. It doesn't magically conjure up an answer, but it means we've tried. Life is shittily unfair sometimes. :(. Went to my ex sister-in-laws for family lunch yesterday, I always feel a little jealous of her, she seems to have a very strong, loving marriage, 3 kids, smashing house, gorgeous husband... I am, of course delighted for her (she is a wonderful woman :). ) but I do feel an eensy bit jealous sometimes...

Lots and lots of wine with PM. Then rum (!) we fell asleep cuddling on the sofa. Woke up with his arms round me. Bloody unrequited nonsense.

I agree MrsKL but the internet can also be very isolating and contribute to loneliness. Flower arranging may be tedious but it forces you to make the effort and get out of the house. I think the support is out there, I personally would chat to a friend I met at flower arranging just as I chat on here. This is just a medium that suits us, it fits in with out lifestyle, we can do it while the kids play rather than have to go to the effort and expense of a babysitter. But at the end of the day we are doing this alone. I think the internet has a lot to answer for really. People get lazy about communicating. The same could be said of mobile phones. We text rather than speak to a person. None of us should be pleased to receive a text from a man really, we should only be pleased when he goes to the effort of making a call. Because we are worth it. .

So what I was really saying, I think, is it is perfectly normal & acceptable to have the lows of being single. Everything is societally arranged to have couples bringing up children together. Adverts always show nuclear families, single parents are blamed for everything that goes wrong, but never venerated as doing two peoples work for the (very low) price of one, it's not surprising we get a little low and lonely, bringing up super wee people is an utterly thankless task and when you can't share that with someone, you get worn down. I know we keep busy...but I do think the best way to lift out of the lows is to do something new & not necessarily attached to dating... I tend to think internet dating is fairly horrible :) you know who is technically available & what they want, but there are a fair amount of flakes, disappearers & women-haters (such as there is 'normal' life) I'm starting to think the key is widening circles of friends, getting new interests & meeting men that way...

snape :( though i tryely do identify with those feelings. Feels awful to admit it, but heck, i do feel jealous sometimes. Of course, its just all on the sufect and people have said they feel jealous of me, noone seems the behind closed doors stuff, do they.

and ive done flower arranging - so ner! :)

i know im doing my absolute best i can do with what ive got right now, so that does help too - thanks snape.

bloody pm though.....!!!!

ah yes, ive joined an ifriends thing in the area that was free, and indent to go to some events. Only problem is they are quite pricey - £30 a time plus drinks/ petrol whatever... but i might set up my own free event - picnic in the park or something...

and snape - yes, absolutey right about all of that. that does make me feel better. it really doesn, that its normal to sometimes feel like that.

Well time you are of course right - I knew you were a good & sensible person when I read your profile!
I guess i was trying to say that we are all so very different, which is good, and that we should all try and work out what makes us less lonely if thats what we are feeling!

I've spent most of this morning reading all the earlier posts on here and checking out the hilarious profiles... I have had a few wierd messages myself but deleted them straightaway. I wish I hadn't now, some of the ones upthread are just so bloody funny for a person with a slightly warped sense of humour like mine

I've also been texting my lovely date all morning, and actually I prefer that to talking on the phone. I find it less intrusive when the children are around and I'm a bit crap on the phone, it meakes me feel uneasy unless its my long term friends etc who all know me inside out! I'm a complete chatterbox though but have always been awkward on the phone. odd.

I'm getting no work done which is bad, am just in a dolly-daydream mood and feelong all chuffed with what just happened at the weekend. maybe this is normal? I'm not sure its been a long time for me!!

If I wasn't so horribly competitive it would be easier. This is going to sound awful (and I apologise in advance) but I am used to being good at everything, and getting what I want. I always do, except in this one area. And I know any rational person would say well I should be grateful that I have XYZ (all the stuff I completely take for granted )and not bother about the rest of it. My non-single friends say they would love to have all the other things I have. But that doesn't help.

I have sought the advice of a male colleague who says he would never have contacted a girl this soon after a date especially if he wasn't available for another date for a couple of weeks. He says Weds/Thurs at the earliest But I don't want to think I'm being impatient though, because then I'll only get my hopes up and end up disappointed again.

Seriously though: I'm not setting my sights too high. He did fancy me - he referred to me as having a cracking figure. I do, of course but it was nice to be told that. I made it clear I liked him(which surprised him, he thought I wouldn't). Date could not have gone better, ended positively, and yet nothing.

So the fault must be with him. But then also with me, because I'm the one who thought he was worth dating, was worthy of me, when he actually isn't.

Disclaimer - I really wasn't being rude about flower arranging ladies! So I apologise for saying that. I would definitely give it a go myself, but am utterly incapable of being creative I think!
I only wanted Watch to know that spending time browsing dates and posting on here is not necessarily a bad thing! It was the first non-internet activity that sprang to mind thats all, maybe a little joking about it being tedious sorry! My mum does it for her church so I was having a family in-joke on mn which was not very clever of me

In my defence I am not thinking straight today due to my best date ever with a lovely man and am feeling all chuffed like and hopeful! I've had more than a few lonely times and more than enough crap dates, I just know how it feels. I used to spend time on here becasue I didn't have the time or childcare or money to go out and find new things to do.

MrsKL I get you

sponge you need to chill You need to relax and stop over analysing. And just because you have other 'stuff', doesn't mean you have to not bother about the rest of it, that's just daft.

There is no 'fault' with anyone sponge. You had one date, he hasn't called YET. Tha doesn't make him a bad person just as it doesn't make you a bad person because he hasn't called. On date doesn't equal commitment, he doesn't owe you anything at this stage. You are desperately wanting him to call and because he isn't you are getting angrier and angrier at him. By the time he does call it's quite possible you could have got into such a frenzy about it that you will give off an air that makes him regret calling. If he is going to call, he will. If you don't want to wait for a call, then call him. Simple.

miss k - no offence was taken. lol i was being jokey - though i have done flower arranging...

i dont have the time/ childcare/ money either. meh. sur emos tof us dont. I think thats half the thing, other families are in the no time or money situation, its common. But they have company and a partner... so arent on their own.

we have no time or money and it just isoluates us furhter.

keyboard playing up again. sorry

MrsK do you want a shovel? We know you were joking, don't worry. And there is nothing wrong with your posts, you are doing very well considering your head is in the clouds due to lustit's a Monday!

Time I'm not angry at him at all. Not in the slightest. I'm disappointed in him, for not being what I thought he was, but more in myself for being a poor judge of character. I should have done better.

That's true too watch re time and money. Personally though, I would rather save my money for next years holiday than waste spend it on a date. Or flower arranging